It was a bit later than usual, and 001/7 was still very miserable and shaken indeed.
Not only from losing the world cup in rugby to those springbok types; but also because England had lost in Russia against their soccer team, on a green pitch which was actually made of something phony called Astroturf.
And now their chances of qualifying have diminished immensely.
Not that our 001/7 is a BIG soccer fan, but it is far better than the World Championships in knitting, or lying on the couch with suggestibility.
Even worse, the best CBT therapist on this earth is British as well, and he is a very young bloke by the name of Lewis Hamilton, you know that super fast driver at McLaren.
He was so fast, that the Spanish world champion, now ex-champ, needed all sorts, not those sweets you buy in a bag, but all sorts of dirty tricks, he accused this BIG German opponent, you know that blokey with the pointy chin, who managed to win seven world titles due to luck only, of using against him.
And at the same time Mr Alonso said, he would never ever do such things. Promise.
And see, all you need is a ROOKIE, as that is what you call the new guy on the block, in his first year, when he is still acclimatising and trying to tell the difference between the brake pedal and the throttle, between the steering wheel and a tyre, and between a corner and the straight.
Lewis was so good at it, that we witnessed an amazing battle. With a bit of gamesmanship by him and his team, ala that French blokey with the BIG NOSE, yes, you guessed it right.
That Alain Prost blokey, who only managed to become world champion four times, because he was fast and used his thinking part of his brain while driving.
So with a bit of that, LEWIS would have been our CHAMP by now, and not that block of ice, that can talk just as well, as I can walk with this suggestion thing in my legs.
But no, truth be told, I must say, well done Mr ICEMAN.
But why is this LEWIS such a great CBT guy??
Well easy, when he starts to talk, the world stops, the sun comes out even in the middle of the night, and if you have ME, you forget that you need to put up an act that you are ill, as long as he talks.
Really amazing stuff.
I have invited him to a CBT conference, a workshop they are holding at the KINGDOM, to help delusional collusionists GET over their malingering, hysterical beliefs.
It won’t be easy and it might well be impossible. Yes I fully agree.
But isn’t that what CBT is all about??? Selling HOT STEAM FRIED BOILED AIR as some sort of MAGIC WAND THERAPY???
But on this particular night, double oo one seven, you know, our ex Bond, James for people who know him, or his EARLNESS if you don’t, our very own 001/7 had dog duty.
On the other six nights/days, he is flat on his back, recovering from all his hard work, and this virus that has send his RAM or ROM, or whatever system he uses in his brain, into overdrive.
And so his wife is walking the DOG, not the top one that is, six days a week.
But this time it was 001/7, and he got very inspired before going out.
You see, he thought, I’m gonna pay the TOP DOG a visit.
It was late at night, he looked in the phone directory under TOP DOG, and found his mansion.
So he took BELLO, his dog, for his last round of the night, and to his amazement the TOP DOG was not only home. He was miserable as hell.
You would think he is in dire need of something, if you look at his picture, a Vodka Martini maybe, or otherwise some CBT, as that is more to his liking.
And it doesn’t matter if it is shaken, stirred or whatever, because as you can see, he is very shaken and stirred himself.
The trouble is, that silly workshop is still more than a week away, so what to do??
Well, for 001/7 it was easy, take his picture and let BELLO do what dogs do. Even miserable TOP DOGs have to do it.
001/7 wanted to give him some advice, you know, have a beer, go for a run, call the soldiers with Gulf War Syndrome, or even that One Click lady, who is suing you. She might give you some advice, how to deal with adversary.
But the TOP DOG was so miserable, that even our own 001/7, who is not afraid of anybody, got really really scared and ran home.
Well, it was more a big crawl, but that is just a minor detail.
And by the time he got home, his telephone rang. Mr Clarkson was phoning his Earlness.
He suggested again to send the TOP DOG to Australia, as he hasn’t seen him on TV, CBT-ing the Middle East back to a healthy, peaceful lifestyle.
He did mention though, that he recently wrote about people moving away from the UK, and he had to think about that article when the name of the TOP DOG and his DOGINA flashed up on his screen.
“The fact is, I’m afraid, that anyone who emigrates from Britain, he said, no matter where they end up, is a bit of a dimwit.”
And well, 001/7 didn’t know what to say. He knows I don’t want those CBT BLOKEYS here down under, but he was starting to see Mr Clarkson’s point.
Even more so, when Mr Clarkson said, “Alarming news. It seems that all the world’s clever people have gone missing. We know where the stupid people are. They’re in London, or they’re on the GOBSART panel, or they’re editing CBT articles which equates to playing GOLF and doing nothing at all. It is that simple.
On Thursday, for instance, two doctors announced that they felt wonderfully glamorous, as they had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and not with ME.
They also found that you could only come up with this, and CBT nonsense, if you had spend your childhood in medical school, listening to psycho gobbledygook and other bedtime stories.
In the whole of human history, nobody has ever woken up and thought, I have a wonderful family, lots of money, a great job and an active social life.
I shall therefore want a glamorous disease for my next birthday, or worse, a very disabling non-glamorous one. One that doesn’t even exist.
At least to the TOP DOG and his DOGINA, who are so afraid of non existing things, and a question or two, that they need protection against people who can’t walk, stand or run, and are bedbound 24/7.
Australia is where you go when you’ve made a mess of everything. That’s why the 1.3m Brits who live there are known as whingeing Poms. Because they’re all failures,” Mr Clarkson concluded, so really the only place to be for our beloved friends.
But he said, he will contact the Americans, who are actually thinking very hard about using the TOP DOG and his Challenging Bayonet Training for meat processing.
As they now have smart weapons to fight their wars against terrorism and so, like STEALTH, incredible, almost invisible bombers, VTOL (Vertical Take Off and Landing) planes, as big as a soccer field, and Cruise Missiles that cruise well over the speed of sound, the sound of the DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS, singing their beloved songs, that is.
It became very clear to the Americans, that this so called MOD ADVISOR, was still fighting with swords, daggers and other outdated material. And Mr PAVLOV shouted ME and GOBSART at the same time for unclear reasons.
But to Mr Clarkson, this swords and dagger talk, still sounded way to aggressive and so. Something that Bush fellow, he thought, likes very much.
And 001/7 agreed, what else can you do when the car man himself, the big man from TOP GEAR, tells the world how things are.
And then it dawned on 001/7, the TOP DOG is just jealous and wants similar adoration from us, the ME population, as Mr Clarkson gets from petrol heads and other car fanatics.
And he is right, well that we will never ever adore him that is.
Unless he succeeds in the sandpit in the middle east, and give the people there peace and a nice life.
Otherwise I can assure you, Mr Clarkson has a very NICE surprise for him indeed.
A Cunning Big Treat for the TOP DOG. Very cunning indeed.
But first, we will GET some help from the Americans, 001/7 has assured ME. Whatever that may mean.
And then BELINDA, you know that MESSENGER GIRL, ran in to my room and showed me this picture.
So it looks like LONDON is in for a treat any minute now.
An American HALLOWEEN trick and treat surprise you might call it.
In the past that treat was spelled V-1 and V-2, and they were not very pleasant indeed.
A V-22 though is different baloney. It is gobsmacking unbelievable, that they can actually make something like this.
I am in absolute awe. If only I had an engineering brain and could come up with a helicopter plane like this.
Now the only thing we need, is a cure for this suggestibility, so I can have a look at this creature in real life. But for now, off to the Middle East and give them PEACE Mr TOP DOG.
Would be much appreciated. Must be a piece of cake, sand cake in this case, for a GULF WAR specialist with special powers like you.
Oh, and don’t forget your magic wand.
In case you need anything else, just email ME, and I’ll ask this brilliant BELINDA GIRL, to come and be your MESSENGER.
Oh, and one last piece of advice, don't call yourself ALBUS DUMBLEMORE, you know the master wizard of Rowlinghood.
You see, his Rowling-ness has just told everybody that he has finally come out of the closet and that he is, well gay.
Now, I have no idea why that is important in wizard land, but in the Middle East it might cost you your life.
You see, not everybody there has thrown one of the previous editions of the PSYCHIATRIC handbook from sixty odd years ago, that DSM thingy that you still use, out of the window, and so not everybody thinks that gayness is flavor of the month.
Some might even think about a stone or two. Worse, they might actually throw them at you.
So remember, you might be a magician with magic wands, but you are NOT ALBUS of ROWLINGHOOD. Understood??
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