MEntertainment

As You and Yours finished it’s much anticipated and in many ways enlightening week of broadcasting, it was time to GET back to business.

The Dr Speedy Show needed to be back on the road for some more MEntertainment. Well, I'm sorry, love, but it won't be.

Not unless someone from the GOBSART Observatory suddenly decides that there is whole month between the program and the next instalment.

The fact is that it took so much energy out of ME, just to put a few comments on the message board, that it will take me years to write enough material for another run of Dr Speedy and ME.

And then another couple of months to read them and read them so I am absolutely sure that no one GET’s offended and that it is still something you might actually want to read.

So trust me on this, no one has a clue when Dr Speedy will be back as a GP.

But assuming I do come back to the BLOGOSPHERE and GP-hood at some point in the future – before my superglue is dry that is, if I am lucky - my problems will be far from over.

Because as I write, some people have been so offended that I, or others, stated the blinding obvious that some of us were getting hate mail.

Yes seriously, just because we stated that by definition a neurological illness can’t be cured by wishy washy talky talky therapies.

It is that simple.

It is a bit like trying to talk the Island of Langerhans back to life so they will produce insulin again for the diabetics.

And the funny thing is, the CBT enthusiasts have actually been doing just that.

Well. At least if you believed everything it said in the Times a while ago.

So 001/7, you know our master blaster of the double world of spy hood went to see his royal E-414. And he got himself a little submarine.

He said, if the editors and the journalists are not doing their job, I will, and off he went in his submarine which basically was a sort of copy of the one you saw in that movie, yes, that yellow submarine one.

So on his journey to the Isles of Langerhans, he passed all sorts of interesting stuff. But not the kind you want to discuss with others.

So I have to keep my mouth shut as that is how he got in, in the first place.

His navigator was Major Tom and his TinTin worked pretty well, even in those confined spaces of the human body.

And they actually managed to find these Isles of Langerhans. And they were deserted.

The Sahara or the Kalahari are crowded in comparison. But he had just been informed that these Isles had been talked back to normalcy.

He even SMS’ed form the inner sanctuary to inform me that I should get the Times editor, that science bloke on the line, so he could tell him what he thought of talky talky carwashy therapy for diabetes and other physical diseases.

Utter nonsense as Our Clarkness would say.

And it appeared that no one had much of a clue what these islands should look like, let alone that they were actually as dry as a sandpit.

001/7 asked if they were sure that they were not able to produce any insulin, he even shouted at them, but there was no one there.

I'd therefore need your help.

Apparently if someone gets cured by GET, CBT, The Nickelodeon song, lightning 0.7, no that is not a special Bond or Earl Grey flavour, it is the latest version of the Godzilla Thunderbird program for your computer.

A sort of Inlook Exploder but than from the competition.

I even pointed out, with a lot of pain in my heart, that the COOL BLOGGING THERAPY and my GRADED LAUGHTER THERAPY, actually are fantastic but if they cure you, mister FUKUDA and his CBT mates had the diagnosis very wrong indeed.

Nothing new I know, but be careful when you point that out to people.

You might be a dictator, or whatever.

I, in my simple minds, don’t you forget about ME, was a great song even before this ME nation conquered my world.

I then started to search the internet and see what all these therapies were, some as others pointed out were plain advertisements, but I also came across a very old but peer reviewed and tested therapy called the Lockheed P38 Lightning.

They even handed out charts with compressibility differences between normal human beings and the one with the imagination of suggestion or suggestibility.

Some magic wand term to do with mental health problems in squirrels, our London Correspondent has discovered.

And then there was another problem.

When someone has had ME for years, as someone said on the message board, it turned out they had Lyme’s disease.

And they were happy because in general this is a condition that is treatable.

Really interesting phenomenon.

You take away their disease and tell them, look, the diagnosis was wrong, but this time round we can actually cure you. And they were happy.

I didn’t hear them say, but I really had ME.

The trouble though is that the main reason why this wastebasket problem has happened, is because of us doctors and psychiatrists in particular.

But even then, an ME expert, that is at least what the BBC said, announced that CFS, or ME, is basically glandular fever that doesn’t recover in a month or so but perseveres.

And then my ME world went upside down again.

I had loads of tests and one of them showed that I had had glandular fever in the past.

Now apparently, all ME patients are always in their doctor’s surgery moaning about anything and everything.

Or so I am told by the lovely talky brigade.

In one article this was caused because we were so lazy as a child, that even a goalpost on a soccer field was more active.

In another article by the same Blokeys we were not lazy, we were just malingering and running around until someone suggested, hey look mate, this ME thing is just great. A NICE fashion accessory you must have.

And so we all fell ill.

Now, when I had glandular fever, the silly thing is, I didn’t go to my GP.

First of all I just thought I had worked and studied to hard so I was just tired and needed a bit of a rest.

And I was right. And yes, I fully agree with this ME expert from the dark ages that this tiredness, without any other symptoms whatsoever, was absolutely the same as what I have now.

She couldn’t be more spot on.

And suddenly a lady announced that she had CFS but not ME.

And I thought, after reading her entry, this lady knows more about ME and CFS, and in particular the differences, than all these high paid so called experts.

Truly amazing.

But anyway, suddenly 001/7 appeared out of the human body with a big grin on his face.

On the way out he had discovered the only cell in the Isles that was still alive.

But it had told him that the rest of his family had been dead a long long time ago and his few friends that survived the Diabetes blast had succumbed to CBT-ism and were now court martialed as cowards.

The British Government had send out a general pardon in 2006 to the families of the cowards of the First World War who were executed as we doctors forget to tell the military that these soldiers had a mental health problem. But apparently they hadn’t, at least according to our beloved friend who is also a keen player of the ME game.

He is ranked, at least that is what he says, somewhere in the top ten or so of most influential types who don’t know what ME is.

Or does he have another idea, that brainfog thing is just so annoying.

Now, this professor is so old, he was actually there in the trenches when they were not only throwing metal at each other, but they also used some NICE chemicals that burn through your skin, eat your lungs away but you can’t actually see the little buggers.

Now, if you talk to a soldier then there is one thing they are all really scared of, and that is chemical warfare, bullets are alright, guns are fine, tanks are just big and bulky, but chemical warfare is very different.

But not according to this professor who was sitting in his mansion or his warm study with a cupper or a hot chocolate, and the only chemical warfare he knows, is when he buys a burger or anything else that is over the sell by date.

And he once wanted to run away as that was a scary experience, but as a man of the world, he could resist his urge, and so anybody who has been admitted for shellshock, not one, not twice, but three times before he couldn’t take things any more, was obviously a coward.

Welcome to collusional delusionism.

I hope the delusional workshop worked. Because this is just utterly amazing.

It is so amazing that I almost managed to walk again.

So if I was going to ditch anything of this ME business what would it be??

Well that suggestibility thingy might want to take a runner, my exercise phobia would be okay if it went on a world trip to Nowheristan, and my hysteria might do a film about lysteria.

The blue ones are actually really NICE.

And if I was going to be alright, it'd be featuring as James Bond, with John Martin as M in the movie, ME and our delusional world.

And who would want that???