The beauty of False Beliefs ....

All doctors tend to think that if something is complicated and difficult, if a lab test is abnormal or a scan shows something than they can get excited even though it might mean something horrible for the patient.

But doctors thrive on abnormalities, we eat them, we fall in love with them and it is our live time ambition to find as many abnormalities as we can and preferably find a big new disease full of horribilities and name it after ourselves so we live on forever. Even though we know that we are destroying lives, we are happy as from thereon we start to florish and we start to treat it.

At least that is what we are made to believe.

Recently I read that there are about 25,000 diseases and we can cure 5,000 of them. But one in five is bound to be better than nothing at all.

Leukaemia, for instance, is considered by many doctors to be a better disease than a runny nose or hay fever. And if you talk about hay fever and allergies you talk about one eccentric doctor who in the nineteen fifties was advocating the idea of allergies and he was not only pushed aside, he ended up in an asylum for raving lunatics as that is how his peers reviewed his ideas, a sort of ME prison as the idea of allergies was just mad.

And that brings me to actors and acting as suddenly my malingering gene has woken up.

And if I think about actors I think about Catweazle and Jack Nicholson with his hair all over the place charming the hell out the witches, yes, a bit like professor C.B.T. and watch out for the tongue less woman sort of thing……….

But suddenly my mind races back to ME and what it means to psycho people who haven’t learned how to diagnose a neurological illness or anything for that matter, and how many different things two simple letters like ME can mean.

Some say it is malingering, some say it is a neurological illness, some say it is false illness beliefs, others say it is an exercise phobia of the worst kind and some say it is all in the mind of the day dream believer.

And that is fascinatingly interesting and at the same time so cool as they are right. About the problem with the mind, problems with concentration or information processing that is.

Now the funny thing is, if you have a psychiatric illness you have an illness, whereas ME is a non illness.

I even got a report, an article I should say, about a doctor who was asking medical students if they would be willing to treat ME and Fibromyalgia.

And to me that sounded a bit like asking if we as doctors would be willing to treat patients or not and I always thought that that was the whole idea of being a doctor. And if you don’t like open heart surgery you don’t become a heart surgeon, if you fancy being a doctor but you don’t want your patients to have a chance to say anything you might become an anaesthetist, or a pathologist.

If you become a GP you know you will be dealing with uncertainty, that is just the nature of the job.

If someone comes to see you in A+ E or the ER room with acute crushing chest pain you will respond differently than if you are a GP and you see someone who has had chest pains at times over the last six months or so whenever he heard the word poodle or CBT or NICE or so.

Would I then say or ask myself the question if the ECG is normal, I won’t help this patient or I don’t want to see him as he must be a malingering sod?? Ludicrous is what comes to mind.

And the same happens with ME, fibromyalgia etc. If you don’t like it, than usually it is better if you do something else, become a carpenter or so. But you might be unlucky and encounter a cupboard with ME, you never know…..

There is even a book that has just come out or so I am told about doctors who want to be a plummer or psychiatrists who want to tell the truth. Fascinating story line I would think, top of the pops bestseller without a doubt, or will the poodles stop the distribution as this is embankment of the worst kind???

Now the most intriguing bit about psychiatric leeches and ME is the false illness beliefs.

You see, if you have someone who comes in with all sorts of problems, you sort him out and if the conclusion is that he is depressed or has a burnout there won’t be many who will disagree with you. He might have thought he had something else to start with, but then he realises that he is better of seeing a psychiatrist, yes they come in handy for depression and so. A bit like David Beckham would be better off playing footie and not saying, which he won’t, that he can win the New York or London Marathon.

Or the patient is getting the famous happy pill and he won’t start to tell you he has a physical illness as he knows what is wrong with him.

Having said so, there is more and more evidence that most mental health problems have a physical base, i.e. a chemical imbalance of some sort to name just one thing, but that is another harpoon in the side of the poodles.

With ME, and I am not talking about silly Billy doctors who diagnose ME when someone is a bit tired or to mention one who appeared on the BBC program and who said that ME is glandular fever that doesn’t go away.

And she is right, that is a problem if you would be the patient but it has got absolutely nothing to do with ME. If she would just read Dr Ramsay’s book(let) or have a look at the Canadian guidelines she would know.

But then again knowledge, as we have seen with the GOBSART FELLOWS and the POODLES, slows the process down, is a hindrance to your bank account, so why on earth would you want to learn something and keep up to date, if by telling porkpies you get more exposure and you don’t have to read or keep up to date.

Which leads me to racing drivers and false illness beliefs. Yes sounds strange but they do exist, if you would be a psychiatric leech that is.

On the one hand you have the likes of GERHARD BERGER,

he was driving along at whatever speed you do at Monza approaching a corner that isn’t a real corner in an F1 car, so basically you can drive flat out, readjust the radio, listen to your favourite song from the CBeaTles or Gobsart Girls and see if Psycho Spice was wearing blue or brown underwear, or if she was falling in love with a poodle from next door, and at the same time you could drink an espresso as he was driving for FERRARI, an Italian dream team so instead of water or anything else there would be an espresso or cappuccino in his drinking bottle, a plate of spaghetti Malingeroneso on his lap and he would be having a jolly get time.

The race has just started, he is driving in fifth position I think and he has just radioed the people on the pit wall that he needs to pee.

Yeah even that happens to full-blown athletes at dazzling speeds. So what do you do, stop, park, and pee in front of two hundred million people who are watching the race at home, and then see a papa with a camera who you call a Pavarotti, and not a PapaRazor, taking a picture and selling it on MEbay.

So instead you just hold on tight, concentrate on the race and start thinking about overtaking the car in front. Silly thing I know and almost impossible in F1 in general and at Monza in particular.

You see there was this brilliant engineer called John Barnard who invented the carbon fibre monocoque, yes the survival cell and that stuff was so strong and so light that it was absolutely perfect.

Until they started to make carbon fibre brake discs and so. Now you brake from three hundred kilometres an hour back to sixty just five centimetres before a corner, shift down ten gears, as that is done in less time than you can blink an eye, and so overtaking is nigh on impossible.

And then the depleted uranium comes in handy, you see, apparently some people like it and some don’t.

As a military men it would be great, penetrates anything and everything.

It isn’t dangerous, but some studies say that soldiers who were in the first Gulf war are still peeing it out, which is strange if you think about it, so fifteen years after the conflict it is still there yet we should not be able to detect it all those years ago in soldiers let alone now. So an interesting thing that gets the sparks going.

Some say that using it in F1 will be the answer to the overtaking problem, you see, you make the nosecone out of DU, apparently it is so hard that Viagra is useless, and now you don’t need to overtake anymore, you just drive through your opponent. So the racing will be more interesting and you don’t have to drive your opponent off the track, you just go through him as if he wasn’t there.

So I gather that F1 will become a demolition race and the spectacle will greatly improve, and for the blokes who don’t finish we arrange emergency CBT sessions so they can deal with losing, yes this way someone will benefit from silly CBT.

But you are right, they might as well watch the CeeBeebies, cheaper and just as effective……

Now to come back to GERHARD, suddenly things went wrong, his cappuccino was all over the place, his Malingeroneso was staining his overalls and he was spearing off the track and heading head on into the barrier, so not good news.

You and I might say he was having a big one but the GOBSART fellows would say he was having a malingering moment and Gerhard had the right answer for the Blokeys if he would have a close encounter of the very first kind with them.

You see, his Ferrari burst into flames, again, something which shouldn’t happen to modern day F1 cars, yes I know, now and again you see a pit fire after or during refuelling but again that is a malingering false belief as the French manufacturer of those big hoses and valves and what else they use to prevent fuel from going anywhere other than into the car, will either say all is well or they say the team has changed something without their knowledge.

So in other words, never their fault. But just have a look yourself in a minute and enjoy the commentary from the good old great master blaster of the Beeb, Murray Walker and his buddy James, who sadly died way too early, Hunt.

You might remember Michael, only SEVEN times the Champ Schumacher catching fire once, well his car, and his solution was to drive away and go faster, I think he even won again, and there was nothing wrong with the refuelling system. Absolutely fine.

Now you would think that Gerhard was very unlucky as he was crashing in Italy, Marshals having a snooze, watching pretty girls, watching Juve paying money to players or officials from the opposition to influence something you should do, or shouldn’t do, or drinking a glass of Chianti or so.

But you would be wrong, very wrong actually.

If you watch the video you will think that it takes ages before the marshals arrive in their always breaking down Alfa’s, yet if you count the seconds it is absolutely gobsmacking tastic how quickly they arrive and get things under control.

In short, they investigate properly, diagnose accordingly and use the right treatment, something which the poodles say they do but if they say ME is being tired then you know straight away that they are a bunch of doctors, or whatever you call them, who can’t even get the basics right.

And maybe that is why they choose psychiatry, just look at Freud, homosexuals could never be therapists as they had a mental illness themselves or reasons to that order…..

Now remember Berger and his fiery moment of extreme malingering and then change over to Indy Cars or Champ Cars as they are called these days as Mr George from the big big Indy oval doesn’t want to have all the best open wheel drivers driving at Indy. He wanted a series for American drivers only as there were too many great drivers but they were foreign.

You know the likes of Mansell, Fittipaldi, Zanardi and many others so little George killed off a series that was better and had more overtaking in one race than F1 in a year, and remember, I am the one and only F1 fan on this planet.

But in those days Indycars were just amazing, driving on big superspeedways, side by side, at speeds that were mind-boggling and mixed in the frame were the likes of Little Al or Ale, the Amoretto’s, Mario, Michael and now Marco, and people like Rick Superspeedway is my thing, Mears and Bobby raced it all Rahal and now his son Graham is showing people what you can do if you false believes are helping you.

Now since they divided the stuff we have Mr George and his IRL with almost no Americans in it, so Mr George did a great job of killing a brilliant series and no one is watching it ….. as there are still no Americans in his series……..

Now if you would have a fire in the pits in Champ cars all the poodles and their Gobsart friends would have a day in the filets as there is absolutely nothing to see.

Apart from a racing driver with idiotic also called false believes. You see, the idea of racing a car is doing a lap as fast as you can, and then do it seventy times or how many laps the race is.

So you start at a certain point and whoever is back the quickest has won, yes I know, it doesn’t make sense. But it is great fun to watch and the noise is better than the last symphony from the CBeaTles, Amy no wine in the house, Paris dancing in a dress that has tremendous problems to stay where it was supposed to be, or the Gobsart symphony in ME minor.

And then you see a racing driver jumping all over the places, first you think he is break dancing or whatever it is called these days, but then you remember you are on a superspeedway and break dancing is frowned upon, as a car might bump into you at two or three hundred miles an hour. A bit like ME hitting a fit and healthy person who is then malingering as there is no tomorrow.

So what on earth is going on???

And that is the moment that it is jolly NICE that the GOBSART Academy award winning Blokeys are there as well, otherwise we would never have guessed that this racing driver is barking mad.

The treatment for this raving lunatic is so simple it is just embarrassing.

Suddenly, and just watch the video because you will see this after a minute or two a lot better, lots of people appear with buckets of water, yes on a superspeedway, where you don’t race if someone mentions the word rain as that makes the track slippery and that is Fukuda news at dazzling speeds, so what on earth they need that for, as I thought that these cars didn’t have a radiator or were running on water, and then they start to dump it all over the poor fellow who is dancing with joy as apparently they have now saved his behind from frying and becoming a well done superspeedway steak….

Luckily the commentators are down to earth blokes who don’t like silly Billy approaches from professor CBT and his boyfriends and they explain that you can’t see an Indycar, Champcar or whatever burning as methanol burns invisibly….

A bit like ME, it is there but you can’t see it….It is damaging the whole nerve system of the PWME even though there is nothing wrong with us, just like there is nothing wrong with this car and its driver, Adrian welcome to Mexico Fernandez.

And welcome to delusional Collusionism as practised by the poodles and leeches from the MAGIC CBT KINGDOM to further enhance their bankaccounts to the detriment of patients.

Good day mates and stay well clear of CBT fanatics and other delusionists, as you can see, their effect on a normal person is staggering and frightening ....