The real reason for CBT in ME ...

The last couple of days have been incredible, funny and witty and amazing really. I don’t need the GOBSART Academy or professor CBT anymore to have a jolly good time.

You see, recently I started to see an associate of the professor on a regular base. And I have learned so much, it is just incredible. Instead of accepting the fact that I have a shitty disease, I learn and hear more and more facts about ME. Well so called facts.

Suddenly my laziness gene has woken up to such a degree that I not only enjoy lying down 24/7 and that I am in incredible pains, that I have problems with normal noises like a microwave or a water cooker etc but apparently I have now fulfilled my biggest dream and lifetime ambition of doing absolutely nothing.

I have learned that others think this is fun, now in my book that would tell you more about the others than about me, as even when I was fit and well and was spoon-fed the idea that diseases only exist if we can measure them, yet on the other hand we don’t have blood tests or scans for many illnesses that we see on a daily base as a doctor or GP, without getting into a malingering epileptic fit.

And I never came up with these interesting words let alone that I was capable of dreaming them up. But I have learned a lot more as this is my dream apparently so I will never get well again, as I would have been better a long time ago if I was motivated and so.

That reminded me of cars, now if your engine does a nono, like a big blow up and you see a big gigantic puff of whatever colour coming out of your exhaust pipe, it will obviously mean everything is alright and if the engine then doesn’t get back to its original shape and form, it wasn’t motivated, it was just a lazy engine.

And that is right and spot on.

I wish I could come up with those ideas, I would have earned the Nobel Prize a long long time ago, and I would be famous and so.

But subfortunately I haven’t yet but maybe I can learn a trick or two from this associate and from the GOBSART boys and their friends. I have also finally understood the importance of CBT for people with ME.

You see it is not to cure us as we all know to well; it is to learn how to deal with and cope with utter nonsense…..

So come on Mr Brown, keep sending the MILLIONS to the people who harass us first so they can then say we need CBT…., clever strategy….. A bit like working for the Fire department and starting your own fires, or being a police officer and starting to kill people so we need more police officers….

Now I also start to understand why the BBC therapy offered by Captain Slow, who is so slow that I can almost walk to the toilet and back before he has reached ten miles an hour in a Lamborghini Revenge,

a car that is so expensive that it was sold out before they even started to build one, is so much more effective.

Of course CBT people will say that CBT will destroy lives and bring hell closer to earth, or was it that they think CBT is heaven on earth??? Not sure anymore.

I must say it is awfully quiet form the CBT man, so what is he up to????

Apart from organising conferences at the College of Medicine to dominate a conference about a neurological illness by psycho leeches for internal doctors, great combustible combination.

Even more so if you look at the list of speakers and there is no one on the list who knows anything about ME at all. Great stuff, job well done College.

Maybe they would be better off spending the time playing croquet or shooting clay patients or whatever games they fancy, they might even learn something which they won’t during a conference about ME which is all about psycho poodles who have cured everybody with a psychiatric illness or otherwise they realise they don’t know psychiatry either so it was time to focus on something else….

A disease where it is not required according to some to have any knowledge about the illness to earn a fortune ….

Great idea and strategy, I must remember that one when I am well again.

Of course, psychiatrists will say that they cure people and I had to think about Frasier Crane. You know that Seattle psychiatrist. Now in this particular episode his father’s dog Eddy is depressed, and they finally get a charlatan as Niles and Frasier call him, yes you are right, an animal psychiatrist who talks to the animals and listens to their stories……

And he concludes that Eddy is depressed because he is picking up depressed genes or vibes or something from the family. So they all sit together, start analysing their lives, broken marriages, no dates in years, wife died many years ago, well you know Frasier, Ross, Daphne, Niles, and Marty Crane.

In the mean time they find a doll underneath some pillows, just by accident, throw it on the floor, Eddy sees it and his depression is cured.

So the diagnosis was…. Yes absolutely right, spot on.

The only problem with CBT, so far as I can see, is that while it must be great fun for the poodles to learn something about somebody’s life, they don’t help or cure him as the diagnosis was wrong.

And the basis of good therapy is getting the diagnosis right, as Dr Ramsay said all those years ago.

But nowadays that has changed into the basis of good therapy is getting the money.

And obviously that would be fantatatatastic, well to get the money for real research, either for ME or for any other disease instead of wasting it down an endless and useless pipeline that ends in CBT Wonderland to write more fairytales and destroy more lives.

Will anything change?? Well it would be nice but people are more interested in the colour of Britney’s knickers or if she will or won’t have a new baby or have a new Pavarotti in her life than in curing diseases, especially ones that are debilitating as hell yet are pushed aside with a few whiskers, as we are all a bit tired at times.

That that has got nothing to do with ME is not the point, just like the Iraq war had nothing to do with weapons of mass destruction but all with little bush wanting revenge for big bush and then there was the oil.

So you invent fairytales of mass destruction, scare people to death and send your soldiers down a drain of depleted uranium.

Depleted means it is now completely harmless stuff, you can swallow it, eat it, drink it and yet it is just as pure as water, well not that one from the Thames so if you develop certain horrible symptoms, it can’t be the uranium as that was depleted to simple water so it must be malingering again.

Great word and invention that malingering stuff. You can buy it over the counter and then enjoy it at home with your friends while you watch young England players doing silly things live on line instead of scoring brilliant goals for Steve McLaren and his buddies.

Last night I had to think of my malingering gene as my headaches were coming back and my legs were exploding and at the same time felt like someone was pulling them apart and sticking a thousand knives in them.

Now the good thing about this malingering stuff is, I know the pain is not there, it is just my dream coming true as they are so bloody NICE.

But mankind and psychiatrists don’t really learn anything. Other than how to drive very fast to the bank to collect the Eleven Million before someone wants it back.

And that brings me back to hysteria and MS. Not so long ago MS was hysteria and these idiots, as that was how they were perceived by the doctors, were actually so lazy that they had a catatonic unwillingness to move.

Yes I know, you need ten years in med school and so to come up with these fantastic sounding words.

Now I recently read that on average it takes three to five years to diagnose MS these days with all our knowledge and fancy machines like MRI scanners and other expensive toys for doctors.

A few years ago a scientist called Hugo Vrenken demonstrated that by using something called quantative MRI scans you could see that brain tissue from MS patients that was completely normal according to an ordinary MRI scan, was already showing signs of the disease and he also demonstrated that the disease process in MS was much more widespread than you could see with an ordinary MRI scanner.

Now I know this is silly Billy research by someone who was actually using the thinking part of his brain, something that is unheard of in CBT wonderland, unless of course it deals with getting their name in the paper and making fun of people with serious diseases.

And I must say, I do not understand at all why we would like to GET our lives back.

I can’t imagine as a petrol head that it would be fun to drive the new BMW 1 series coupe

to name just one exiting new car, it must be really annoying to see the Champ Cars come to town and put on a great show, seeing Seb, who became Champion just four times in a row, doing donuts in the McDonald’s car.

Now we can’t see him do that anymore in Champ Cars, no as far as I know he is very well thank you, no, he has moved on and will now be driving an energy drink on wheels with 800 or more horsepower.

No more donuts or burgers for him. For those of you who are interested, he will be driving for Gerhard Berger and his Torro Rosso team, driving last year’s Red Bull. Well they won’t say that as you are not allowed to do that but we all know that to be the case.

He will be partnered by Sebastian Vettel who is a young fellow from Schumacher country, just out of diapers, doesn’t need to shave or anything but he is the next Lewis Hamilton, just mark my words, not only that, he is a delight to listen to, he also will tell you if he made a mistake, doesn’t start to do a Mansell who was a great driver and fighter, yet who would always blame someone else if everybody knew silly Billy has made an error.

A bit like the CBT Wonderland boys, instead of acknowledging that they have written many reports about burn out and so yet have been calling it ME they use the Mansell trick and call it malingering so they are in the clear.

What we need in ME land is a Hugo Vrenken or a silly Australian, yes one of those blokes who found that Helicobacter bacteria that caused the stomach ulcers and that earned them a Nobel Prize.

And yes, the spinach brigade had been telling us for years it was down to people’s personalities and too much stress and blah blah blah.

They have actually started to offer branded CBT toys and in principle this is fantastic news, we only need to buy CBT merchandise so we can all walk around with a picture of Professor C.B.T. on our chest or in the case of bedbound people with ME, we hang his picture on the wall so we have the delight of seeing him when we open our eyes.

Now I reckon that would be cheaper and so than CBT and it would be just as effective ……..

The only trouble is, it would further ruin our day so we might think about a straight talking Sebastian Vettel who can still talk and doesn’t speak like Ron Dennis, yes that McLaren man who turned that company into a fantastic state of the art one with the most amazing factory, but when he talks you have the idea that, well, it is more exiting to listen to Herr Lauda, but then he isn’t the boss of a big F1 team….and doesn’t have to be politically correct because if Ron criticises the boss of F1 and so that is not called harassment, no no, that is a lot worse, you get penalised as if you just committed a capital crime and if you want to appeal the penalty is usually tripled …

That is the democratic world of F1 in a nutshell. And it seems to me that professor C.B.T. likes that model of power so much that he has adopted it as well ….

So please, if you see him or speak to him be NICE to him and compliment him on his, uhhhmmmm, yes, great fashion sense or hairdo.

And don’t mention that ME is a neurological illness, it might send him into an anaphylactic shock…..