Promising new therapy for ME ...

I was running down the corridor of my own clinic where I see sufferers with ‘neurasthenia’ or ‘nerve weakness’. Most politicians, and almost every doctor in the world seems to think that we in the Magic CBT kingdom see sufferers with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), they even seem to think that CFS is also called myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME).

Not only was it pure genius on my site to sit around a table with a number of my good old friends who came up with the lucrative idea to eradicate ME from this planet by first changing the name to chronic fatigue syndrome, and then by changing the criteria..

Doctors want to be fooled, and we certainly succeeded.

We have successfully sold them the ludicrous idea that CBT and GET can cure or improve a serious neurological disease, and now I have come up with an even better idea, it is very simple and I like it very much.

You can compare it to just mentioning the word swimming pool to a severely handicapped patient with ME and if they don't get the gist, I just mention the name of Ean Proctor and if that is not enough, I get my book out and fill in a section form.

It is very difficult to section a psychiatric patient. Yet, if someone suffers from ME it is a piece of cake.

I think, no I know for sure that this new therapy will not only earn me more money. But I will also get at least one Nobel Prize, You see, treat these terrible patients Three or four times a year with a simple “colonic lavage” and they will never come back to the clinic.

Better still, they might emigrate, and we have really saved the country from these patients, who keep on harassing me. Even though they are bedridden. An amazing accomplishment if they where really seriously ill, as they say.

There is one thing though that bothers me a bit. One patient, in particular was complaining of noise intolerance and she said that these MRI scanners were so bloggingly loud.

So, silly me. I agreed to lie in the machine to see for myself. Not only that, but one of our radiologists happened to be watching the computer screen. He kindly showed me the pictures afterwards, and apparently he found something in my head.

Not only do I now have proof that I do have a brain but I also have, very close to my speech centre, an s shaped centre, also called an investment centre and the bigger it is the more vested interests someone has the radiologist told me.

He has also told me that he will publish his findings in the journal for CBT-ism and in the journal from the National Institute of ignoring clinical evidence, also called the GOBSART Institute.

I have threatened to section him or to throw him in the pool, but the silly man wasn't impressed. it turned out that he beat Mark Foster in the Olympic pool and he spent his younger years as an agent in the special forces. and he said that if you can survive what they throw at you there Then sectioning is just a word he muttered.

When he pulled the piece of paper out of my hands, he chewed on it and then swallowed it before I could do anything. when he started to smile, I knew it was time to call it a day.

And whilst I might regret the fact that my days as a psychiatrist are numbered there are still a lot of patients that I would like to treat with one of my silly therapies .

Even at the beginning of the 21st century, porky telling is still a very very lucrative business. the last time I counted I had almost as much money as that racefixing fellow, who is now enjoying life in Kenya.

I always thought that these CFS patients were pathetic, but how about this Nelson Piquet Jr. Fellow who just crashes into a concrete wall on purpose.

Sebastian Battle said you must be a raving lunatic, or words to that effect, to do that, there was no tiger wall or anything else to protect him. Maybe this young Brazilian should consider 12 to 16 sessions of CBT, and as I have always been a great fan of his father, the three-time world champion Nelson Piquet, senior. I will throw in these sessions for free, on the house or better on the kingdom so to speak.

The rest of this exhilarating article by one of our beloved friends will be available on this blog in the near future, for now, enjoy your CBT. And remember, CBT was invented to cope with abusive, hostile doctors. CBT as in cool blogging therapy that is.