THE ME SOLUTION FOR DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS

Hello there. I'm about to bring your attention to something so exciting, something that you unquestionably need to know. I'll hurry up and get straight to the point.

Sadly research shows that only 0.3 percent of all CBT BLOKEYS have passed their math test, and all of those were born before the last world war, and they were BIG and famous in the time that MS was still called hysteria, and AIDS was DARK ROOM FEVER.

What this means is that all CBT BLOKEYS CURRENTLY AROUND, are left totally dissatisfied. You may believe that you rock their world, but if the truth be told, you don't!

Do not worry though, they have invented this delusional idea about ME, and they love that particular dish in the KINGDOM so much, they have to write about it every single day of the week.

Even more, they want to be on TV, and tell the world about this tasty, fancible and fashionable yuppie-dish. With some GET, and some special spice called CBT, they can’t GET enough from this particular culinary master piece.

But don’t GET to upset, as we have something you will love. It's something very new, something incredibly fresh, and unbelievably dark and tasty.

And even the most cynical of you lot will have to agree with me that this is top of the range, best of the best, and for once in our lives we agree with the CBT BLOKEYS. Stunning stuff.

And all brought to you by the incredible, adorable Mr Clarkson.

You see, he was thinking and thinking, as instead of being able to treat the M25 in his Lamborghini Fastini, as if it was a very stretched version of the Indianapolis speedway.

For those of you who are petrol heads you might know that this speedway is in fact a two and a half mile oval. They GET in their cars, close their eyes for three hours or so and drive flat out, foot to the metal in the INDY 500.

Now, in the sixties, the UK wanted to beat the NOTHING BEATS CUBIC INCHES brigade and launched their own version of a super speedway. It was a hundred kilometres or miles long or so, they even organised bus tours for CBT BLOKEYS to see what this was all about.

But since, it is the greatest car park in Europe I have found out the few TIMES I was in your beloved CBT country.

However, the good news is, Mr Clarkson was sitting in a traffic jam from here to Tokyo and so he had plenty of time to think, and think and think. And we all know, he finds that utterly boring indeed. However, he did pass his math test and his literacy, and he had this incredible idea.

It wasn’t so long ago that our beloved TOP DOG called himself an expert on GULF WAR SYNDROME.

That is, he shouted as loud as he could, that this was another delusional disease and as he was THE medical advisor to the Ministry of Defence (MOD) they believed him. The trouble was, those fit and healthy soldiers, who came back as cripples, didn’t believe this delusional gobbledygook. So they took the MOD to COURT.

And they won.

Now our beloved friend says it DOES exist, and he is still the expert. Interesting proposition, but all his delusional friends, believe him.

Worse, he was invited to a conference organised by the military and he was the grand delusional speaker. Portraying himself as THE GULF WAR EXPERT amongst other things. But the good thing about a military conference is, no one is allowed to ask critical questions.

If the general says jump, you ask how high, and that is something our DOGGIE likes very much, because we would ask, why and what is the evidence. All silly harassment in the CBT KINGDOM.

While listening to a commercial to announce his delusional lectures, Mr Clarkson got this GRAND IDEA. From the master blaster of CBT-ism himself. And I must say, it all sounds very clever indeed.

You see, at first I thought, Mr Clarkson and a Kalashnikov, that spells danger in a BIG way. But it doesn’t.

You see, he was sitting in his Lambo, stuck in diesel pollution, and in his brain many pieces of the puzzle fell into place, due to this shortage of Oxygen.

(Just read the BMJ and you’ll see, that your heart trouble can get a lot worse from exercising in diesel fumes, surprise surprise, so don’t exercise in heavy traffic is their tip).

The Kalashnikov, CBT, GET, delusional collusionism, the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, the CBT KINGDOM, and our TOP DOG and his DOGINA. Even my Nationality featured in his brainfog.

You see, he came up with a few solutions to this delusionism. No, he doesn’t want to shoot anybody; he is a VERY PEACE loving man this Mr Clarkson.

First he thought, we need this bloke, and his delusional friends to just SHUT THE FUKUDA up.

Then his Oxygen deprived brain came up with the solution of the Century.

Well, actually, from a few ago. He wanted to send these delusionists to AUSTRALIA, as you Brits did with all your other prisoners. The trouble is, I live there, so I DISAGREED wholeheartedly with him. And you see, TOP DOG and your DOGINA, he actually listened to ME.

Most amazing phenomenon.

So then his brain, still stuck on this so called hyper speedway of modern technology, the delusionists recently had another bus tour to celebrate 45 years or so of modern science and they toured the M25, without traffic as this CBT is so grand, that all other cars disappeared as by a MAGICAL WAND, into oblivion.

Gobsmacking tastic stuff.

So Mr Clarkson asked his brain, which was struggling like crazy to GET some Oxygen, a bit like someone with ME during GET and CBT sessions, we can’t shoot the bastards, we can’t send them to Australia, so what on earth are we supposed to do with these delusionists???

At this moment in time, double 00 one seven, 001/7, you know, our 007 with ME, walked into my room, well, he messengered into the room actually. This is a service from an internet bloke.

He uses BELINDA MESSENGER, who runs from Mr Clarkson to my humble place and back, and she only wears a very provocative outfit, so you can understand why this service is so popular.

001/7 made a mistake though, a big one, as his brain wasn’t functioning as happens a lot with this ME business, and he was rumbling about one of his secret operations. And that is when lightning struck.

Most amazing stuff, Mr Clarkson who finally managed to GET back to his house, was worried that BELINDA would stop, but she didn’t. In fact, she liked this idea very, very much herself.

You see, what these delusionists are doing is selling talk therapy for a neurological illness. So BELINDA and Mr Clarkson thought this was ludicrous.

You should use talk therapy for people who have problems with talking to and with each other. It is that simple.

And the light started to come on, the traffic jam on the M 25 disappeared without a trace, and England was celebrating as if they won a major championship in CBT-ism. A very difficult sport, only available if you failed your maths and your literacy as well. And then you need to be able to fool people so much, that they are so desperate that they make you a professor.

Worse, you need to con them out of ELEVEN MILLION bob.

Now, where on this planet have they got a major problem with talking and listening and it would fit the description of the expertise that the TOP DOG says he has?????

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. That is the MIDDLE EAST and its volatile combustible concoction of religions.

So, BELINDA and Mr CLARKSON suggested, to send the GULF WAR, so called expert, to this region to bring peace upon this beautiful planet.

The only trouble is, our TOP DOG has no CLUE where this REGION is.

But not to worry, the US has send in their new, and gob smashing tastic V22, that is a sort of plane, a bit like a HARRIER, so it can land like a copper, fly like a plane, (see top photo) and it is a lot bigger than a HARRIER so it can actually carry troops. Yes, even troops of delusionists.

Oh, and if he doesn’t want to, or if his mission fails, Mr Clarkson said he has the FINAL SOLUTION to delusionism. Delusional Collusionism that is.

Now how many sessions do you think this TOP DOG needs in the GULF region????

Give him a week and we know if he can handle the job, if he is not too scared to go and if he can deliver the goods as he says he can.

To be continued.