CANADIANS AND COMMON SENSE

Some will kill for money, some will die for love but only one man has the strength to fight for ME. Who is the Spy who loved ME?

Even our correspondent from LONDON has started to talk funny. What is he on about??

On another note, a while ago I was asked the question, how much will it cost to redo the NICE ME guidelines.

Well, it is difficult to give an exact figure, but for ELEVEN million I could do a reasonable job.

No seriously, I could do it for probably ten grand. That is ten thousand pounds, maybe even for the same amount I’m paying our LONDON correspondent after the hardest and longest negotiation process in the history of mankind.

We offered him exactly zero AUSTRALIAN dollars, he asked for zero English Pounds. So we ended up on zero Canadian dollars, as we figured that Canada was somewhere in between the UK and Australia.

He was happy, I was happy, and my bank manager is happy too. The only trouble is the transaction costs of sending zero Canadian dollars, from an Australian account, to a British one.

Absolutely amazing how much the banks charge.

Today is the day, today it is time to GET down to business. And I got some friendly advice from Mr Clarkson .

You see, he went to Canada lately, and this is what he wrote to me from his holiday resort:

“Whenever there’s a global survey to find the best places in the world to live, Canada always does well.

We’re told that no one in Canada is ever robbed, butchered, stabbed, murdered or blown up by a doctor. And I don’t doubt that all of this is true.

They try to tell us that it’s a wilderness full of bears who’ll kill you if you run away or stand still – I can never remember which.

But do you know how many people in the whole of the vastness of Canada have been killed by bears in the past two years?

It’s one. Honestly, more people than that are killed in Britain by GET alone. Or is it robbed of their lives, I can never remember which. Really.”

So I said, thanks Mr Clarkson, and he added, if you just look at my face in the picture, you can see what the Canadians think of the NICE GUIDELINER. The thing is, it stinks.

So his advise, shred the so called ME guidelines, as he was getting a bit concerned with this whole NICE business.

You see, he was reading the paper on the way to Canada, what else are you supposed to do on a plane??

He asked if he could drive his HUMMER around this new AIRBUS, that is so big, that even on the toilet you can actually use it.

Even if you are over five foot that is.

In this interesting article he said, unfortunately, he had to use it to light a fire, to keep the bears away, so he couldn’t bring me a copy, it mentioned these GOBSART blokeys.

And the Canadians were laughing their heads off.

They had spend a lot of money to have the best of the best of the International ME specialists come up with a guideline, and it was COMPLETELY ignored by the GOBSART Institute of Excellence.

So they were even daft enough not to realise that the Canadians had actually paid for this, and that it WOULDN’T cost the GOBSART blokeys one pence, not ONE.

But our GOBSART BLOKEYS found that too expensive, how else can you explain that they didn’t use this state of the art guideline??

But to come back to this newspaper article, the GOBSART blokeys made a guideline about UTI’s (Urinary Tract Infection) in kids, and all the kidney specialists were angry, they were using similar words as the ME Association who called the ME guidelines NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE.

And then there was the Alzheimer one, first they recommended certain drugs, then they realised these were too expensive for Mother NHS, so being independent, they removed this recommendation.

Then they made a guideline about seriously ill children and how to recognise them, and even that one is no use according to A and E consultants.

And then there was one for kids with a head injury. Every kid with a head injury, that went to see a doctor, should have an MRI scan. Are they NUTS???

Everybody who has kids knows, they bump their heads almost daily, so should we just go to this MRI department after school??? Every day that is?? And then wait a year to be seen???

In what world do these Blokeys life??

When was the last time they actually saw a patient, or have they never seen one???

And then there was the breast cancer one. Apparently they recommended using a new drug, which is costing a shed load of money but they don’t tell the doctors which other service they have to bin to stay within their budgets.

And these are only six of their so called guidelines.

No wonder NO ONE READS THEM. Worse, no one uses them, apart from their DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONAL FRIENDS from the CBT KINGDOM.

When 001/7 was sneaking around this kingdom, as that is what he was trained to do, sneaking around that is, he found this most intriguing picture of the TOP DOG, who thought if he got a helmet and a bike, he would be the British Lance Armstrong.

You know, that American Bloke, who after beating testicular cancer, he didn’t GET a divorce though strangely enough, went on to win the TOUR the FRANCE not once or twice. No seven times in a row.

SEVEN times, so when the tour started in London this year, the TOP DOG thought, I can do better.

As we know he can’t diagnose ME, but if you look clearly, even looking like a professional cyclist, was too much for someone who failed his Maths and Literacy, but was still promoted to a professorship as no one knew what else to do with him.

The next time you watch the TOUR, please send a prayer to the powers that be, that our TOP DOG doesn’t turn up like this.

Because there is one thing using Doping in Sports, but this is quite something else.