New low in psychiatry, rheumatoid arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome are now called a conversion disorder ...

New low in psychiatry, rheumatoid arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome are now called a conversion disorder ...

This all makes it very clear that the psychiatrists are getting really desperate; unfortunately psychiatry and psychology are rife with quacks for the simple reason that you can build a very successful career out of ignoring evidence and talking from your backside as the PACEtrial has kindly highlighted; that medicine should be evidence based is totally ignored by bank account and power driven Sykes which strongly suggest that they suffer from severe personality disorders ...

And what sort of evidence is there that a disease is a conversion disorder? None, because that evidence doesn't exist ...

If you want to read the delightful article make sure you've got a bucket ready ... 

http://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2016/01/treating-conversion-disorder-psychosomatic-illness/

Jeremy Laurance trying 2 work out Simon Wessely's contribution ...

Jeremy Laurance trying 2 work out Simon Wessely's contribution in getting ME patients proper treatment

NO CBT illusion but the World's first flying car ...

It's been a pipe dream for 30 years but now the world's first fully available flying car is set to hit the roads next year.

Ever since the Back to the Future movies lit up our screens in the 80s, designers have dreamt of an automobile that could take to the skies at the push of a button.
And now qualified pilots can order their very own Terrafugia Transition 'roadable' plane for just £127,000, with delivery planned for late next year.

WHAT IS ON A CBT BLOKEY'S MIND ??????

Plainly, as the cartoon shows, the CBT BLOKEYS have been fast asleep while Mr GOOGLE and his friends invented the internet.

So when they found patients were coming to their clinics, and they had no clue what to do with them, they started going out with the boys, sharing bed time stories while drinking a beer.

And then they decided that the most lucrative invention on God’s earth was a neurological illness that you GOOBLEDIGOEKED with your magic wands so you could say it didn’t exist.

You would tell your blood brothers that these malingerers were great to boost your self created ego and your bank balance at the same time.

And if you did a good job enough job of being the world’s greatest malingerer on earth, sorry, brainfoggy taking over again, if you were the greatest proclaimer, or is it disclaimer, of malingering sods, then you would be asked to be a medical advisor as well, for anybody who didn’t want to spend a penny on people who had taken out an insurance when they were well.

And when they fell ILL you needed grounds to deny them a chance to get back on the road to recovery by refusing to pay them so they could eat and drink and pay the rent till they were well again and finally back at work.

You see, most people with ME had a healthy, sporty lifestyle before falling ill. Many didn’t know where the surgery was, let alone what their doctor looked like.

But using coming sense and thinking, hey someone has never been before, now he comes so he has a problem was asking too much of the brain power of people who had trained as a psychiatrist but were so unhappy in their jobs that they didn’t want to see people with mental health problems.

A bit like a brick layer who hates bricks, or a sailor who gets seasick if he sees his boat, or Lewis Hamilton, the greatest Rookie on earth, who is afraid that if he jumps on the brakes his McLaren will actually stop, and if he pushes the other pedal through the metal he will catapult away so fast that the CBT blokeys can’t even say MALINGERING in the time it takes him to drive to the supermarket, do his shopping and drive back home.

He is that fast.

The trouble with this ME business is that you were having a wonderful sporty life and so, and suddenly all the roads around you are destroyed by an earth quake that has gone off the RIGHTER SHADE OF PEARL, or was it the RICHTER Scale???

I do apologise but my brain is not what it used to be.

Very strange if you think about it.

You see, after school I did medical school and became a GP so I used that brain all the time.

Yes, I was one of those GP’s who never ever had the diagnosis wrong, never ever failed to know the answer to a question, and I was the one who had a one hundred percent cure rate.

I was that good.

But now with that ME thing, my brain just can’t cope with those sorts of things.

You see, we can test everything so how on earth could it be that I didn’t know the answer??? But anyway, suddenly my whole life had turned upside down, well, it had turned horizontal is probably a better way of putting it.

I had Mr Superglue applying his stuff on a daily base as he had assured me that that was the best treatment, peer reviewed, tested to exhaustion by many ME patients before ME, and it did work.

So well as a matter of fact that my brain cells were so glued up that they could not even cope with simple things like malingering psychiatrists or all knowing idiots, sorry, can’t seem to find another word than that, for people who claim to have finished medical school, but then turned their brains off, as that was the best and easiest way to make money and a name for themselves.

It is that simple, would Mr Clarkson say. You know the man from Clarkhood and putting his Lambo in Top Gear, so he doesn’t notice the traffic jams on the M25 or any other road near the Kingdom of magic wand take away burgers.

But to come back to the picture at the eye specialist, that one was obviously taken by our master of Earl Greyness, our very own 001/7, the spy with ME.

Now after his encounter with the aliens from the ME planet, his body was really smashed up and his whole dashboard, well that is what he calls his stuff, you know that wasboard thing with six cans of lager.

Precisely, our flubby bellies, well, he had six cans of lager there that were so hard of his sneaking around business, that he would just flick up his shirt and all the girls would flick theirs.

No really, if using the name Bond, James Bond didn’t work his six cans would.

And then he turned into his Earlness and well, all the girls have gone missing.

So when the psychiatrists came up with that daft idea yesterday of starting an expedition to look for the one and only topless girl in England on a cold and windy day in November, his Earlness knew it was ludicrous, but he hadn’t seen a stunner since this suggestibility got in his Martini and he had to drink Earl Grey only from then on.

And well, he was bored out of his brain basically.

No lovely dovely evenings with a different girl in this day of AIDS, something which we doctors denied existed till people started to die left right and center.

And that is what I like about medicine and doctors. There is no other occupation where you are allowed to turn your brain off and remain in office.

If you do that sort of thing with a rocking bank, you get a kick in the proverb and back side and a big bonus, sorry, you pay yourself a big bonus before you announce to the world, hey look, we have fooled you.

Now, shortly after the ambulance had taken 001/7 off to hospital when he fell ill with this exercise phobia which send his superiors in a laughing fit, as he was the champion of all Bonds in whatever discipline they could think off.

And yes I fully agree, you can only come up with the most utter nonsense about human behaviour, if you are in the business yourself, been there, done that sort of thing.

And then BELINDA, you know that friendly MESSENGER girl that comes free of charge with the right equipment so to speak, turned up.

And the funny thing is, she is quite taken aback by his Earlhood.

She doesn’t care about six cans as she can buy those in the shop.

So for the first time in ages our master of sneakyness was getting attention he was craving since he fell ill.

Many of his friends had deserted him, just like half of his family and many others as he was by now the laziest man on earth.

You see, this ME thing is a bit like a meteor, once it strikes you, it will reset all your genetic material and all your genes, especially the ones that made you into a sport loving person, and delete your brain at the same time as they are particularly fond of this ROM or RAM business in your head.

They throw it around so often that your hard disks don't like it, yes I have a dual core brain like many others, one on the left and one on the right. But if they both have been thrown around so often, they will malfunctions like there is no tomorrow, and sometimes that would be the best thing.

No you silly man, no suicide or suicidal thoughts, I mean that the best thing would be that this malfunctiioningggging harddisks starts itself up, reboots itself in computer talk and we are back to our normal self.

Now yesterday I was still recovering from yet another malfunctioning GP who was so mad at herself that she wrote an article for ME that she was mad and bad and sick at the same time.

Or did she just join the GOBSART fanclub of magic wandhood???

Anyway, his Earlness was drinking his tea when he send BELINDA on the way with this photo and before I knew it she was back with another delightful message.

This time she said that his Earlness had seen a message on his ME Agenda rapid response board that there was a GP who had just written a story in a newspaper who had actually wrote something I need to share with you.

Yes really, it is that good, tasty and delicious and for once it seems that there is a GP out there, somewhere in the UK, who uses the simple principles of a good doctor.

Use your common sense that is.

So let me quote Dr Le Fanu. I have contemplated asking him to join my network but the trouble is that he will definitely earn a lot more for the paper he currently writes for. So have a read and see what you think.

"Common sense would suggest it is unwise for doctors to claim a treatment is effective when the patients on the receiving end insist otherwise.

Yet this happens more often than one might suppose, most recently in relation to chronic fatigue syndrome, which affects about a quarter of a million people in Britain.”

He continued by stating that the NICE guidelines had recommended CBT and GET but, and there comes the interesting point,

“This policy would seem to contradict the verdict of those with the illness, nearly three-quarters of whom report that cognitive therapy has "no effect", while the remaining quarter say it makes their condition worse. How can this be?

Put simply, the experts remain wedded to a psychological explanation of chronic fatigue, while those afflicted by it know only too well that it is due to a devastating disturbance of brain function.”

So what have we got here, a great doctor who, well just read his article and send him an email to thank him, his email address is at the bottom of his article.

The interesting thing was, BELINDA had another message from our tea drinking spy.

He had done some GOOGLING, as his six year old NIECE had told him that was to best way to investigate in this day and age, before you would do other things. Recently this great technique was forgotten by a TV team that would help you to locate your long lost relative.

They travelled all over the world, no expenses spared, and then they finally found this girl’s father.

Everybody happy you would think, that is till a seven year old, one more year of GOOGLING experience, clicked a few times on Google and found the father with a few clicks just on the net.

As her family had a flat rate for her internet it hadn’t cost them a penny more then if they hadn’t turned the laptop on.

AMAZING.

Just like this latest info from our tea drinker.

You see, he is so impressed by this business that we can measure it all, and that we have a bloodtest for every disease, even for piles, runny noses and many horrible diseases, and if not we can scan and scan and see everything.

Yes really, and so he has send me the latest scan of the brain of one of the professors in CBT hood who needed a GET fit test to renew his license to fish for other neurological illnesses.

And it is absolutely gobsmacking amazing what they think about.

Just have a look yourself and if you have to be near the MAGIC wand brigaders, well, I can only wish you all the best and good mental health. Good day MATES.

WHAT TO DO IF ALL MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE CURED ????

What happens if the top dogs from the CBT KINGDOM go on holiday???

They discuss other possible options for their Choking Brain Treatment. And it is amazing what they have come up with. Absolutely amazing.

Even their mates, you know, the old chappies from the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, are jealous of these exquisite ideas.

But they have announced that they will write their next GUIDELINE for ME, in the same place these TOP DOGS went to, to get the necessary inspiration without too much perspiration. And who can blame them.

Even I get jealous watching this great idea from a great place on our planet.

But as soon as I can walk again, I’ll be on my way to go there as well. Why????

To get new ideas for the Dr Speedy guidelines on whatever.

Because in the very near future I can walk again, and ME will be properly treated.

Or is that a dream for the next few years, old chappies?? It is your choice to either help some people out, or earn a lot of bobs yourself.

Do you want people to get healthy again, and back at work, or was that not the purpose of your outdated guideliner???

Everybody who has been visiting my site, who has been sending me emails, and leaving comments on my BLOG. Thank you very much.

And you know what, old chappies, it doesn’t CURE ME or so, but it is VERY good indeed to keep my spirits up, and give you guys time to rewrite your silly manuscript and submit a proper one.

Something useful this time perhaps??? Just a thought guys, just a thought.

Now I don’t actually know if there would be any literary agent interested in notes from the past, notes form the Middle Ages, that were outdated before we could actually print books.

So let alone in this day and age of the mobile phone, a handy, that is not a handy man BLOKEYS, but one of those handheld phones you can use anywhere and everywhere on this planet.

Well, unless obviously you subscribe to the GOBSART telephone company that doesn’t have any hotpoints or other ports of call.

No not XXXX points of call.

And for those of you who don’t know this sort of interesting detail, XXXX is an old AUSTRALIAN JOKE about BRISBANE.

If you ask ME, Brisbane is a lovely city, beautiful river and BEACH almost in the middle of town. A fantastic Museum of old GOBSART stuff.

The last time they had an expedition about, ooops, brainfading again, that is an exposition about the animals that were still around when the GOBSART Institute was still state of the art.

Exactly, I am talking about super REX and all his other DINOSAUR friends.

But anyway, just ask an Australian, not one from Brisbane about XXXX and he won’t think what you think. No adult stuff or so that is spamming my BLOG and has meant that you are now not allowed to put your comments on there anymore without me rewriting them.

No seriously, it is a shame that spammers are putting a spammer in the wagon. But thanks everybody for still commenting.

XXXX is what AUSSIES will say if they ask how people from Brisbane spell BEER. As their beer brand is called XXXX. So not Of Course Light, Old Broken Hens or whatever.

Yes, you were thinking about something else, something tasty, something exquisite, something so out of this world that I can show any picture of any horrible shooting, bombing or anything else, but if I would now place the following video on this BLOG, people will start to moan and shoot, sorry, shout that this can’t be done.

And it is only a video about guys thinking about girls going top less.

Now you see, I didn’t say they were topless, that is what you thought.

But on another spammer, what bloke would want to be superglued to his bed, if he could be on holiday and enjoying all those beautiful things in our world.

You know, girls, fast cars, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, fast cars, and girls.

But no, we are enjoying, so I am told, this bedbound thing.

Our beloved friends from the ME promotion team have actually stated that we have waited our whole life for this life fulfilling thing to come by and stop at our door so we could take a bite and think, how lovely.

How adorable, how sexy and how so utterly amazing better than being out and about, being at work, going for a run, playing with the kids, driving a NICE car before all the petrol is gone.

But no, my suggestibility part of my brain, somewhere on the left, go straight on, take another turn, left that is, right at the end of the ventricle, and there you see a sign, parking for ME only.

So please take note, old chappies from the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, and you TOP DOGGIES, with your CBT is best banner, on your houses.

I couldn’t agree with you more, Cut Back on Talking, absolutely, no more talking therapies for neurological illnesses.

But don’t despair Old Chappies, maybe CBT will work for growing organic TOMATOES, you know, instead of using pesticides, we talk the bugs to death.

What do you say, great opportunity, and after using CBT for a neuro disease, this new challenge is A PIECE OF CAKE???

I couldn’t agree with you more.

Now, 001/7, for those of you who are new to this BLOG, that is our 007 who fell ill with ME and who can now only work in spyland, a sort of Disneyland for people with handguns and other toys, one day out of seven.

So you see, that is why they call him 001/7 at ME-6.

Now ME-6 is the cellar below the cellar of MI-6 so if you go there you won’t be able to find them. But in spyland that is a good thing I am told.

In ME-land that means we are malingering sods, because the little buggers that cause our loveliness is theirs, sorry there, but we just can’t find it.

A sort of 007 bug.

Anyway, our master of KGB hood, these days he is more of an expert in empty bins, you know, those left behind by that bin man from the sandpit full of oil, found this video of the master of the magic wand brigade discussing other topics.

You see, they have conquered the Mental health world, all the patients with depression and so in the UK and in the Netherlands, where they have another CBT MAGIC KINGDOM, are cured.

So they had to find new adventures.

First they decided that the Gulf War veterans who went on this fighting thing, as the fittest blokes on this planet, were looney bins when they came back.

And they were so looney, that they were sane.

You see, apparently it wasn’t a physical illness but neither was it a mental health problem.

There was no bloodtest showing anything, so they were healthy.

Well at least in delusional minds.

The funny thing is, these soldiers, maybe we should ask them for some advise before we take the GOBSART boys to court, actually won their court case and now we actually have Hospitals for Gulf War syndrome.

And the great inventor of ME-hood, who denied the existence of the Gulf Region, is still the great inventor and now says he knows it all. Always did and always will.

The thing I don’t understand is that all patients with mental health problems have ceased to exist, they were so tired from talking to these MAGIC WAND BOYS and GIRLS that they either went in hiding, or otherwise emigrated to Australia.

As we all know, here in South Australia we still have common sense, just like they have in Canada.

We actually know that Mr Vint Cenf, you know that GOOGLE man, has invented something called the net for Inter fans so they could watch their favourite soccer team even if they were abroad and not in Milan or elsewhere in Italy.

So the BLOKEYS got bored and they discovered a whole world outside mental health.

Neurological illnesses, sandpits, and they got, or is it get ELEVEN million POUNDS only for talking and boring us to death.

But apparently the Brits love this talking business so much, even though there are no mental health problems anymore, that they are spending another what is it, ONEHUNDRED AND EIGHTY ON TALKY TALKY WISHY WASHY NONSENSE.

Now please help me out, but I always thought that onehundred and eighty was something you shouted if a bloke with a beer in one hand, a few tattoos on his arms and a belly, was throwing arrows at you.

And you know what, I actually enjoy this throwing business.

I have tried it myself and the red gigantic bits on the board are so tiny in reality that you hardly see them, let alone hit them.

So how on earth these guys manage to hit them is beyond me.

Now, we from the Dr Speedy BLOG did actually perform a trial that was okayed by the ethical committee chaired by Mr Darts Vader.

He said, before he was off to be in another George Clooney project, lets do it.

So we bloodtested these tattoos, and we tattood the guys who couldn’t hit the board. Interestingly enough, the tattoos were fine, bleeding a bit but otherwise fine, and the bloodtests showed nothing spectacular at all.

Well actually, they didn’t show anything, even peer reviewing didn’t help.

No really, so there is no way these tattoos can hit the board, let alone get the ONEHUNDRED AND EIGHTIES.

But to come back to 001/7, he did send me this video, BELINDA was really cool, and kind and sexy, and was our MESSENGER again.

As we are getting closer to winter, well at least in your part of the world, we told her it was alright to put her coat on and wear her Eddy Jordan costume only for ME blokes in Australia so we still have something to look forward to.

You see, one visit and one kind word by BELINDA does more good than a thousand visits to a CBT fanatic with no sense of humour at all.

You don’t believe me do you, well the next time you go just tell them that CBT is just as handy for ME as it is for forecasting the weather.

And you’ll be amazed that they get really offended if you tell them their talky lightning fast thunderbird therapy for a neuro disease is well, silly really.

Now as a GP, I have had the pleasure and the great fortune that I have never treated a patient who then came back for a review and said, look doc, but those pills didn’t work, they gave me a headache, stomach pain or whatever.

Because if they would have I would have gone beserk and send them straight to the KINGDOM of TAKINGHOOD. Sorry, TALKINGHOOD.

You see, one slip of the finger, mind is starting to come back, funny sensation, and my thinking keyboard is joining in as well.

So thanks BELINDA for being our MESSENGER again, and I would say, watch and enjoy. And remember, enjoy your holiday as well, away from silly patients who dare to ask professors, and old chappies from the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, some critical questions.

That wasn’t what you planned, when you became part of this exclusive club, where you must sign on the dotted line, when you join that is, that you turn your brains off.

Because too much knowledge, not only slows the process down, it also makes your heads too heavy. Or so I’m told.

And that is putting you at risk of shutting up and doing what we pay you to do.

And what did Mr Stuart Woods say in his book, Two Dollar Bill???

“I found out by doing a Google search, an investigative technique available to any six year old with a computer, and one that I recommend to your Junior Men.”

And why didn’t the GOBSART FELLOWS not use this technique?? Well simple, first of all they had ELEVEN MILLION reason to GET in the bank.

But secondly, no six year old works there, and if the CBT BLOKES see a six year old; who is so ill with ME, the chances are that they take her away from mum and dad.

Just click here and be amazed of the hidden truth and courts in the UK.

And that in this day and age. The inquisition is back so it seems.

Oh, but still watch and enjoy, and keep on fighting the silly wishy washy blokes.

OUR LONDON CORRESPONDENT HAS SOME AMAZING NEWS

This is John Martin reporting live from London with some truly shocking news from the world of so called medicine.

British Professor C.B.T., well known for outstanding work in recruiting new members for ME support groups, has been arrested by the Metropolitan Police service for alleged medical fraud.

Police believe he was attempting to fraudulently obtain the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

And I can exclusively reveal that it was ME, John Martin who provided the police with the evidence used to arrest him.

My suspicions were aroused last week when I read a ten page article in the so called science section of The Sunday Rhymes.

The article showed Professor C.B.T. relaxing at home with an AK-47 and dressed in military fatigues.

The article went on to interview the great man and tell the British people that Professor C.B.T. was to be nominated for the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

Prof C.B.T. claimed that he had been nominated because he was the first doctor in the world to use the same treatment on two different species.

He claimed he had used CBT successfully on squirrels.

Professor C.B.T. said he first became interested in the British squirrel population, because they were "lazy little bastards" who hibernated all winter despite there being no biological reason for their behaviour.

He said the squirrels were showing signs of secondary gains brought on by the kindness of the British public throwing them free nuts over the summer months and not expecting anything in return.

"If those little bastards were made to work throughout the summer months," said Professor C.B.T. wisely, "then there is no way they would be sleeping over the winter.

They reminded me of the ME lot who were allegedly unwell till 6 sessions of CBT got them all back to working full time and taking part in martial arts competitions and joining the SAS."

Professor C.B.T. said that after only 3 sessions of CBT, a treatment named after him, the professor told the reporter of the Sunday Rhymes proudly.

The average squirrel had decreased its nut consumption by a whopping 0.0073% and were climbing trees up to 90% faster.

He denied this was because "the little bastards" were trying to get away from him.

He said that after 6 sessions the average squirrel had enrolled in university and spent November to February working an average 35 hour week rather than "sleeping in f-ing trees."

As soon as I read the article, I immediately called the Police and the Nobel committee in Sweden. I told them I had proof that Professor C.B.T. was a liar.

Although his work with ME patients and squirrels was truly outstanding, he was still economical with the truth, because the FIRST person to achieve this feat was the Australian based media mogul Dr Speedy, who had successfully used CBT (Cool Blogging Therapy) on both humans and hummingbirds.

The police then checked out my claims, discovered they were true and immediately arrested Prof C.B.T..

A spokesman for the so called British Medical Association said:

"It's worrying to know he got his facts wrong.

We're going to look more closely at the data he provided for the squirrel studies then the data he provided for the ME studies. There is a lot of money involved."

A police spokesman said "A man is currently in custody and is helping us with our enquires. He may be charged with talking nuts."

And you see, from then on things got a lot worse.

Our London Correspondent had done an excellent job and he thought that was him for the day.

But he was wrong.

You see, along came another member from the magic wand brigade, who set up camp in Drowning street, just up the road from Downing street.

He took out his costume and turned into a modern day witch, which we now call a CBT therapist, if he is of the sorts who think you can talk neurological problems back to normal that is.

Some have even started talking sessions with the chief of the Island of Langerhans.

And they have managed to talk these little islands, somewhere in your tummy, back to producing insulin again.

A most amazing feature of modern magic wand success.

The trouble though is, that this CBT bloke who set up camp, is a cruise missile of David Copperfield, Catweazle, Albus Dumblemore, when he was still in the closet, Hermione Granger, Merlin, a wizard of the Unseen University and Gandalf.

The other problem you will find with these witches of CBT is, I met two CBT witches ones who were twins - I just couldn't tell which witch was which!

But double oo one seven, 001/7, you know our master blaster of espionage with ME, who is the servant of our London Correspondent, and ME, ME-6 that is, found the solution to witch wood in one of their conference rooms.

There was a big poster on the wall and it says it all really.

“Why do witches go around scaring people? They're just trying to eek out a living.”

And all of a sudden the Four million PACE money, and the ELEVEN MILLION for witchwood starts to make a lot of sense.

Now at this precise moment in time, our great correspondent, who has been mentioned for the Writer of the Year award in science and critical journalism, was enjoying his cupper and waiting for some soccer match to start, while checking the latest news on the ME front from the good old Beeb.

And then he got the scare of his life, when he looked out of his window and saw the following picture.

It could only mean that professor C.B.T. had escaped thanks to the witch of all witches, and he was driving away with his ELEVEN MILLION to a save and secret hideaway.

Our correspondent was even contemplating a session of emergency CBT. For a moment.

And when Belinda was send to ME, I just showed our correspondent the way to real CBT hood. Just watch in utter amazement, especially the intro is fabulous, but the pictures are equally impressive. See for yourself.

ME and YOU and YOURS responses

It is really not surprising that our beloved friends have no idea what ME is.

They do a series of training sessions for GP’s and have a bloke saying he is tired all the time, or TATT as that is called in GP land, but he is presented under the banner Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Yes, really, check it out yourself if you are bored to death that is.

TATT is what we dread as doctors as we hate this nonsense talk.

Yeah really, that is what we are trained to think. Keeping an open mind and so, what a waste of time and energy.

I have copied their BORED TO DEATH banner into this BLOG and it is really interesting if you read what it says.

Their wording on the left is “MANAGING Chronic Fatigue in Primary Care,” so by your GP that is.

And there you see what we have been saying all the time, they see patients with chronic fatigue and call that later in their many many many articles Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Next to it is a picture of a Bloke who is clearly depressed and then it says: “Training Physicians in Mental Health Skills Series.”

But the NICEst thing is to the right of this, where it says “DEMENTIA.”

I must say I love this, I really do. Tiredness selling as CFS or ME, and then putting dementia on the agenda as well as a nice hint of what they really think of us….

However, just reading some of the responses to the You and Yours programm on BBC FOUR about ME, I found some really NICE comments.

Let me mention a few, I will have missed many because there is just too much information, which I just can’t read with a brain that still has problems processing information like I could in the past, but just read and enjoy.

Oh, and comments like I have been cured by standing on my head three times a day for a month, to GET some blood flowing back to my brain and other interesting therapies I won’t mention here.

If people are cured by these therapies great, but then they didn’t have ME in the first place. It is that simple.

“Remember - This is a training video for GPs! No wonder people with ME have a hard time with being taken seriously.”

"White man speaks with forked tongue."

“Psychiatry has as much relevance to ME as it does cancer. I.e. very little! I am afraid these psychiatrists have made a career built on ME and they obviously refuse to let go and admit the world now realises it is a physical illness and not ‘all in the mind.”

So much of our precious energy and money is spent trying treatments incl "every crackpot alternative treatment".

'Its difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.' Quote by Upton Sinclair.

“This made me think of doctors paid by insurance companies etc.”

Oh, and I have a really nice quote from Mr TOMMY COOPER himself. You never know, our beloved friends might even learn a thing or two from the master of understatement.

“A woman tells her doctor, “I’ve got a bad back.” The doctor says, “It's old age.” The woman says, “I want a second opinion.” The doctor says, “Okay – you’re ugly as well.””

I just received an email, you know one of those you didn’t ask for, but I must say this one was very tempting indeed, and I almost forwarded it to our beloved CBT BLOKEYS, so they might update you know their non existent knowledge and be up to date for a change.

It started by saying, “Don't you think it's time to update your antiquated ME knowledge with the latest software and applications from ME best of the best?

We have hundreds of applications now available from some of the greatest software companies.

Whether it’s the Canadian Guidelines, the South Australian ones or the Dr Stein guide for psychiatrists, we have them all, and all free of charge.

This should be off interest to your friends in the CBT MAGIC KINGDOM, so you might think of forwarding this email, or otherwise you might use your friend, and great helper, BELINDA MESSENGER.

You see, it can’t be a coincidence that Mr Eddie Jordan, who was not only the boss of an F1 team who mixed fast cars with sex and rock and roll, but he was also the one who introduced our BELINDA to the PADDOCK.

No wonder Mr HOTmail is using her, to run around the world delivering our messages as fast as she can.

But even the Eddie and Belinda treatment doesn’t cure blokes with ME.

Apparently more than half of all the ME patients are ladies so in the delusional world another reason to think ME is spelled hysteria.

Apart from that, hysteria is NOT a diagnosis anymore in the psychiatric bible called the DSM.

I have also noticed, after doing a lengthy and very expensive trial, the results, peer reviewed that is, will be published in the Journal for the HE Man, that all those woman always complain about labour pains and so and if you think about it this must be hysteria as well.

You see, the people from the Dr Speedy BLOG have done a telephone enquiry asking twenty thousand fathers about labour pains and NONE of them had had any.

So clearly, this labour pain is another expression of this hysteria phenomenon.

We also did a survey to see how many men had suffered from hot flushes and mood swings and again the results were staggering. Again NO BLOKE had ever had them.

So I must say, and now I am giving you a sneaky preview of the outcome of our survey, that CBT is really best.

Well, the COOL BLOGGING THERAPY that is.

I know it doesn’t cure you, but the other CBT doesn’t either, so can I have my FOUR million for my TRIAL and ELEVEN million for my COOL BLOGGING THERAPY please.

Oh and one final note, I have become some sort of SOBETZKO cartoon addict.

And I have also found the one that I wanted to share with you earlier.

If you see a delusional collusionist, just send him this one so he can update his RAM and ROM by deleting the non existent knowledge and checking this one out.

Thanks Dr Sobetzko, much appreciated. If you want to see the rest of his work, just click on the cartoon.

PS by mistake I did put the german calendar as the link, I have now changed that as I just made a mistake while clicking on the first instead of the second link on his site.

DOG DUTY AND TRICK AND TREAT

It was a bit later than usual, and 001/7 was still very miserable and shaken indeed.

Not only from losing the world cup in rugby to those springbok types; but also because England had lost in Russia against their soccer team, on a green pitch which was actually made of something phony called Astroturf.

And now their chances of qualifying have diminished immensely.

Not that our 001/7 is a BIG soccer fan, but it is far better than the World Championships in knitting, or lying on the couch with suggestibility.

Even worse, the best CBT therapist on this earth is British as well, and he is a very young bloke by the name of Lewis Hamilton, you know that super fast driver at McLaren.

He was so fast, that the Spanish world champion, now ex-champ, needed all sorts, not those sweets you buy in a bag, but all sorts of dirty tricks, he accused this BIG German opponent, you know that blokey with the pointy chin, who managed to win seven world titles due to luck only, of using against him.

And at the same time Mr Alonso said, he would never ever do such things. Promise.

And see, all you need is a ROOKIE, as that is what you call the new guy on the block, in his first year, when he is still acclimatising and trying to tell the difference between the brake pedal and the throttle, between the steering wheel and a tyre, and between a corner and the straight.

Lewis was so good at it, that we witnessed an amazing battle. With a bit of gamesmanship by him and his team, ala that French blokey with the BIG NOSE, yes, you guessed it right.

That Alain Prost blokey, who only managed to become world champion four times, because he was fast and used his thinking part of his brain while driving.

So with a bit of that, LEWIS would have been our CHAMP by now, and not that block of ice, that can talk just as well, as I can walk with this suggestion thing in my legs.

But no, truth be told, I must say, well done Mr ICEMAN.

But why is this LEWIS such a great CBT guy??

Well easy, when he starts to talk, the world stops, the sun comes out even in the middle of the night, and if you have ME, you forget that you need to put up an act that you are ill, as long as he talks.

Really amazing stuff.

I have invited him to a CBT conference, a workshop they are holding at the KINGDOM, to help delusional collusionists GET over their malingering, hysterical beliefs.

It won’t be easy and it might well be impossible. Yes I fully agree.

But isn’t that what CBT is all about??? Selling HOT STEAM FRIED BOILED AIR as some sort of MAGIC WAND THERAPY???

But on this particular night, double oo one seven, you know, our ex Bond, James for people who know him, or his EARLNESS if you don’t, our very own 001/7 had dog duty.

On the other six nights/days, he is flat on his back, recovering from all his hard work, and this virus that has send his RAM or ROM, or whatever system he uses in his brain, into overdrive.

And so his wife is walking the DOG, not the top one that is, six days a week.

But this time it was 001/7, and he got very inspired before going out.

You see, he thought, I’m gonna pay the TOP DOG a visit.

It was late at night, he looked in the phone directory under TOP DOG, and found his mansion.

So he took BELLO, his dog, for his last round of the night, and to his amazement the TOP DOG was not only home. He was miserable as hell.

You would think he is in dire need of something, if you look at his picture, a Vodka Martini maybe, or otherwise some CBT, as that is more to his liking.

And it doesn’t matter if it is shaken, stirred or whatever, because as you can see, he is very shaken and stirred himself.

The trouble is, that silly workshop is still more than a week away, so what to do??

Well, for 001/7 it was easy, take his picture and let BELLO do what dogs do. Even miserable TOP DOGs have to do it.

001/7 wanted to give him some advice, you know, have a beer, go for a run, call the soldiers with Gulf War Syndrome, or even that One Click lady, who is suing you. She might give you some advice, how to deal with adversary.

But the TOP DOG was so miserable, that even our own 001/7, who is not afraid of anybody, got really really scared and ran home.

Well, it was more a big crawl, but that is just a minor detail.

And by the time he got home, his telephone rang. Mr Clarkson was phoning his Earlness.

He suggested again to send the TOP DOG to Australia, as he hasn’t seen him on TV, CBT-ing the Middle East back to a healthy, peaceful lifestyle.

He did mention though, that he recently wrote about people moving away from the UK, and he had to think about that article when the name of the TOP DOG and his DOGINA flashed up on his screen.

“The fact is, I’m afraid, that anyone who emigrates from Britain, he said, no matter where they end up, is a bit of a dimwit.”

And well, 001/7 didn’t know what to say. He knows I don’t want those CBT BLOKEYS here down under, but he was starting to see Mr Clarkson’s point.

Even more so, when Mr Clarkson said, “Alarming news. It seems that all the world’s clever people have gone missing. We know where the stupid people are. They’re in London, or they’re on the GOBSART panel, or they’re editing CBT articles which equates to playing GOLF and doing nothing at all. It is that simple.

On Thursday, for instance, two doctors announced that they felt wonderfully glamorous, as they had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and not with ME.

They also found that you could only come up with this, and CBT nonsense, if you had spend your childhood in medical school, listening to psycho gobbledygook and other bedtime stories.

In the whole of human history, nobody has ever woken up and thought, I have a wonderful family, lots of money, a great job and an active social life.

I shall therefore want a glamorous disease for my next birthday, or worse, a very disabling non-glamorous one. One that doesn’t even exist.

At least to the TOP DOG and his DOGINA, who are so afraid of non existing things, and a question or two, that they need protection against people who can’t walk, stand or run, and are bedbound 24/7.

Australia is where you go when you’ve made a mess of everything. That’s why the 1.3m Brits who live there are known as whingeing Poms. Because they’re all failures,” Mr Clarkson concluded, so really the only place to be for our beloved friends.

But he said, he will contact the Americans, who are actually thinking very hard about using the TOP DOG and his Challenging Bayonet Training for meat processing.

As they now have smart weapons to fight their wars against terrorism and so, like STEALTH, incredible, almost invisible bombers, VTOL (Vertical Take Off and Landing) planes, as big as a soccer field, and Cruise Missiles that cruise well over the speed of sound, the sound of the DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS, singing their beloved songs, that is.

It became very clear to the Americans, that this so called MOD ADVISOR, was still fighting with swords, daggers and other outdated material. And Mr PAVLOV shouted ME and GOBSART at the same time for unclear reasons.

But to Mr Clarkson, this swords and dagger talk, still sounded way to aggressive and so. Something that Bush fellow, he thought, likes very much.

And 001/7 agreed, what else can you do when the car man himself, the big man from TOP GEAR, tells the world how things are.

And then it dawned on 001/7, the TOP DOG is just jealous and wants similar adoration from us, the ME population, as Mr Clarkson gets from petrol heads and other car fanatics.

And he is right, well that we will never ever adore him that is.

Unless he succeeds in the sandpit in the middle east, and give the people there peace and a nice life.

Otherwise I can assure you, Mr Clarkson has a very NICE surprise for him indeed.

A Cunning Big Treat for the TOP DOG. Very cunning indeed.

But first, we will GET some help from the Americans, 001/7 has assured ME. Whatever that may mean.

And then BELINDA, you know that MESSENGER GIRL, ran in to my room and showed me this picture.

So it looks like LONDON is in for a treat any minute now.

An American HALLOWEEN trick and treat surprise you might call it.

In the past that treat was spelled V-1 and V-2, and they were not very pleasant indeed.

A V-22 though is different baloney. It is gobsmacking unbelievable, that they can actually make something like this.

I am in absolute awe. If only I had an engineering brain and could come up with a helicopter plane like this.

Now the only thing we need, is a cure for this suggestibility, so I can have a look at this creature in real life. But for now, off to the Middle East and give them PEACE Mr TOP DOG.

Would be much appreciated. Must be a piece of cake, sand cake in this case, for a GULF WAR specialist with special powers like you.

Oh, and don’t forget your magic wand.

In case you need anything else, just email ME, and I’ll ask this brilliant BELINDA GIRL, to come and be your MESSENGER.

Oh, and one last piece of advice, don't call yourself ALBUS DUMBLEMORE, you know the master wizard of Rowlinghood.

You see, his Rowling-ness has just told everybody that he has finally come out of the closet and that he is, well gay.

Now, I have no idea why that is important in wizard land, but in the Middle East it might cost you your life.

You see, not everybody there has thrown one of the previous editions of the PSYCHIATRIC handbook from sixty odd years ago, that DSM thingy that you still use, out of the window, and so not everybody thinks that gayness is flavor of the month.

Some might even think about a stone or two. Worse, they might actually throw them at you.

So remember, you might be a magician with magic wands, but you are NOT ALBUS of ROWLINGHOOD. Understood??

EARL GREY PLEASE; SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED

I just opened my mail and I must say, I was a bit confused, well actually, very confused.

I always thought that these 00 guys would be operating undercover so that you and I had no idea what they were doing.

But if you look at this picture, I was very wrong. At least until BELINDA MESSENGER suddenly popped out of my laptop.

And I must say, I was still asleep, or dozing and trying to wake up that is.

Furthermore ME and the Mrs don’t go well together, I’m lazy, disgusting as you are with ME, an egoist as I have to escape NOISE, and don’t ask me what else she can come up with.

Interesting stuff. You would think she worked at the KINGDOM OF DELUSIONISTS.

So then to GET all this lovely attention from a young lady in interesting clothes was a bit of an eye opener.

No really, I can now understand why some people have a better RELATIONSHIP with their COMPUTER than with their partners.

Besides, when was the last time your PC had a headache???

So I asked BELINDA to run back to double 00 one seven, 001/7, and ask him what the hell he was on to.

Instead of being annoyed and embarrassed, he started to laugh and BELINDA liked his charm.

Even as Grey, Earl Grey, he apparently still gets his share of attention from the ladybirds.

I asked him about this picture with the cab, and he said, look, mister that is what is wrong with the ME community.

For once, only once, should you listen to the delusionists and take a leaf out of their book.

You see, they are very good at selling HOT STEAM FRIED BAKED AIR but at the same time call their opponents all sorts of names.

So what they do is simple. They go on the attack, put you on the defence and at the same time launch an amazing PR campaign.

Even a US presidential candidate doesn’t spend that much time, money and effort on such a campaign.

Worse, it is even paid for by the general public as all these DELUSIONISTS are actually paid for by the government, so that is you and ME.

So, the solution is very simple indeed.

We start to play their own game, and we are much better at it as we have passed our maths and literacy tests.

So if you look at this picture again, 001/7 said, you think it is ME, but obviously it isn’t. I’m no where near the place.

What kind of special agent would I be, if I advertised my whereabouts????

No, I’m advertising something else, something so amazing that you need to hold on to your chair, otherwise you will fall down.

Yes really. Even you, lying down 24/7 needs to hold onto something, ME for example, so we avoid ME meltdowns.

Because this is that hot, that special and that good. You better believe ME.

And with those words, BELINDA went off for her tea, and 001/7 went back to his business of espionage.

Leaving ME in tatters, what on earth was he talking about????

THE ME SOLUTION FOR DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS

Hello there. I'm about to bring your attention to something so exciting, something that you unquestionably need to know. I'll hurry up and get straight to the point.

Sadly research shows that only 0.3 percent of all CBT BLOKEYS have passed their math test, and all of those were born before the last world war, and they were BIG and famous in the time that MS was still called hysteria, and AIDS was DARK ROOM FEVER.

What this means is that all CBT BLOKEYS CURRENTLY AROUND, are left totally dissatisfied. You may believe that you rock their world, but if the truth be told, you don't!

Do not worry though, they have invented this delusional idea about ME, and they love that particular dish in the KINGDOM so much, they have to write about it every single day of the week.

Even more, they want to be on TV, and tell the world about this tasty, fancible and fashionable yuppie-dish. With some GET, and some special spice called CBT, they can’t GET enough from this particular culinary master piece.

But don’t GET to upset, as we have something you will love. It's something very new, something incredibly fresh, and unbelievably dark and tasty.

And even the most cynical of you lot will have to agree with me that this is top of the range, best of the best, and for once in our lives we agree with the CBT BLOKEYS. Stunning stuff.

And all brought to you by the incredible, adorable Mr Clarkson.

You see, he was thinking and thinking, as instead of being able to treat the M25 in his Lamborghini Fastini, as if it was a very stretched version of the Indianapolis speedway.

For those of you who are petrol heads you might know that this speedway is in fact a two and a half mile oval. They GET in their cars, close their eyes for three hours or so and drive flat out, foot to the metal in the INDY 500.

Now, in the sixties, the UK wanted to beat the NOTHING BEATS CUBIC INCHES brigade and launched their own version of a super speedway. It was a hundred kilometres or miles long or so, they even organised bus tours for CBT BLOKEYS to see what this was all about.

But since, it is the greatest car park in Europe I have found out the few TIMES I was in your beloved CBT country.

However, the good news is, Mr Clarkson was sitting in a traffic jam from here to Tokyo and so he had plenty of time to think, and think and think. And we all know, he finds that utterly boring indeed. However, he did pass his math test and his literacy, and he had this incredible idea.

It wasn’t so long ago that our beloved TOP DOG called himself an expert on GULF WAR SYNDROME.

That is, he shouted as loud as he could, that this was another delusional disease and as he was THE medical advisor to the Ministry of Defence (MOD) they believed him. The trouble was, those fit and healthy soldiers, who came back as cripples, didn’t believe this delusional gobbledygook. So they took the MOD to COURT.

And they won.

Now our beloved friend says it DOES exist, and he is still the expert. Interesting proposition, but all his delusional friends, believe him.

Worse, he was invited to a conference organised by the military and he was the grand delusional speaker. Portraying himself as THE GULF WAR EXPERT amongst other things. But the good thing about a military conference is, no one is allowed to ask critical questions.

If the general says jump, you ask how high, and that is something our DOGGIE likes very much, because we would ask, why and what is the evidence. All silly harassment in the CBT KINGDOM.

While listening to a commercial to announce his delusional lectures, Mr Clarkson got this GRAND IDEA. From the master blaster of CBT-ism himself. And I must say, it all sounds very clever indeed.

You see, at first I thought, Mr Clarkson and a Kalashnikov, that spells danger in a BIG way. But it doesn’t.

You see, he was sitting in his Lambo, stuck in diesel pollution, and in his brain many pieces of the puzzle fell into place, due to this shortage of Oxygen.

(Just read the BMJ and you’ll see, that your heart trouble can get a lot worse from exercising in diesel fumes, surprise surprise, so don’t exercise in heavy traffic is their tip).

The Kalashnikov, CBT, GET, delusional collusionism, the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, the CBT KINGDOM, and our TOP DOG and his DOGINA. Even my Nationality featured in his brainfog.

You see, he came up with a few solutions to this delusionism. No, he doesn’t want to shoot anybody; he is a VERY PEACE loving man this Mr Clarkson.

First he thought, we need this bloke, and his delusional friends to just SHUT THE FUKUDA up.

Then his Oxygen deprived brain came up with the solution of the Century.

Well, actually, from a few ago. He wanted to send these delusionists to AUSTRALIA, as you Brits did with all your other prisoners. The trouble is, I live there, so I DISAGREED wholeheartedly with him. And you see, TOP DOG and your DOGINA, he actually listened to ME.

Most amazing phenomenon.

So then his brain, still stuck on this so called hyper speedway of modern technology, the delusionists recently had another bus tour to celebrate 45 years or so of modern science and they toured the M25, without traffic as this CBT is so grand, that all other cars disappeared as by a MAGICAL WAND, into oblivion.

Gobsmacking tastic stuff.

So Mr Clarkson asked his brain, which was struggling like crazy to GET some Oxygen, a bit like someone with ME during GET and CBT sessions, we can’t shoot the bastards, we can’t send them to Australia, so what on earth are we supposed to do with these delusionists???

At this moment in time, double 00 one seven, 001/7, you know, our 007 with ME, walked into my room, well, he messengered into the room actually. This is a service from an internet bloke.

He uses BELINDA MESSENGER, who runs from Mr Clarkson to my humble place and back, and she only wears a very provocative outfit, so you can understand why this service is so popular.

001/7 made a mistake though, a big one, as his brain wasn’t functioning as happens a lot with this ME business, and he was rumbling about one of his secret operations. And that is when lightning struck.

Most amazing stuff, Mr Clarkson who finally managed to GET back to his house, was worried that BELINDA would stop, but she didn’t. In fact, she liked this idea very, very much herself.

You see, what these delusionists are doing is selling talk therapy for a neurological illness. So BELINDA and Mr Clarkson thought this was ludicrous.

You should use talk therapy for people who have problems with talking to and with each other. It is that simple.

And the light started to come on, the traffic jam on the M 25 disappeared without a trace, and England was celebrating as if they won a major championship in CBT-ism. A very difficult sport, only available if you failed your maths and your literacy as well. And then you need to be able to fool people so much, that they are so desperate that they make you a professor.

Worse, you need to con them out of ELEVEN MILLION bob.

Now, where on this planet have they got a major problem with talking and listening and it would fit the description of the expertise that the TOP DOG says he has?????

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. That is the MIDDLE EAST and its volatile combustible concoction of religions.

So, BELINDA and Mr CLARKSON suggested, to send the GULF WAR, so called expert, to this region to bring peace upon this beautiful planet.

The only trouble is, our TOP DOG has no CLUE where this REGION is.

But not to worry, the US has send in their new, and gob smashing tastic V22, that is a sort of plane, a bit like a HARRIER, so it can land like a copper, fly like a plane, (see top photo) and it is a lot bigger than a HARRIER so it can actually carry troops. Yes, even troops of delusionists.

Oh, and if he doesn’t want to, or if his mission fails, Mr Clarkson said he has the FINAL SOLUTION to delusionism. Delusional Collusionism that is.

Now how many sessions do you think this TOP DOG needs in the GULF region????

Give him a week and we know if he can handle the job, if he is not too scared to go and if he can deliver the goods as he says he can.

To be continued.