WHAT IS ON A CBT BLOKEY'S MIND ??????

Plainly, as the cartoon shows, the CBT BLOKEYS have been fast asleep while Mr GOOGLE and his friends invented the internet.

So when they found patients were coming to their clinics, and they had no clue what to do with them, they started going out with the boys, sharing bed time stories while drinking a beer.

And then they decided that the most lucrative invention on God’s earth was a neurological illness that you GOOBLEDIGOEKED with your magic wands so you could say it didn’t exist.

You would tell your blood brothers that these malingerers were great to boost your self created ego and your bank balance at the same time.

And if you did a good job enough job of being the world’s greatest malingerer on earth, sorry, brainfoggy taking over again, if you were the greatest proclaimer, or is it disclaimer, of malingering sods, then you would be asked to be a medical advisor as well, for anybody who didn’t want to spend a penny on people who had taken out an insurance when they were well.

And when they fell ILL you needed grounds to deny them a chance to get back on the road to recovery by refusing to pay them so they could eat and drink and pay the rent till they were well again and finally back at work.

You see, most people with ME had a healthy, sporty lifestyle before falling ill. Many didn’t know where the surgery was, let alone what their doctor looked like.

But using coming sense and thinking, hey someone has never been before, now he comes so he has a problem was asking too much of the brain power of people who had trained as a psychiatrist but were so unhappy in their jobs that they didn’t want to see people with mental health problems.

A bit like a brick layer who hates bricks, or a sailor who gets seasick if he sees his boat, or Lewis Hamilton, the greatest Rookie on earth, who is afraid that if he jumps on the brakes his McLaren will actually stop, and if he pushes the other pedal through the metal he will catapult away so fast that the CBT blokeys can’t even say MALINGERING in the time it takes him to drive to the supermarket, do his shopping and drive back home.

He is that fast.

The trouble with this ME business is that you were having a wonderful sporty life and so, and suddenly all the roads around you are destroyed by an earth quake that has gone off the RIGHTER SHADE OF PEARL, or was it the RICHTER Scale???

I do apologise but my brain is not what it used to be.

Very strange if you think about it.

You see, after school I did medical school and became a GP so I used that brain all the time.

Yes, I was one of those GP’s who never ever had the diagnosis wrong, never ever failed to know the answer to a question, and I was the one who had a one hundred percent cure rate.

I was that good.

But now with that ME thing, my brain just can’t cope with those sorts of things.

You see, we can test everything so how on earth could it be that I didn’t know the answer??? But anyway, suddenly my whole life had turned upside down, well, it had turned horizontal is probably a better way of putting it.

I had Mr Superglue applying his stuff on a daily base as he had assured me that that was the best treatment, peer reviewed, tested to exhaustion by many ME patients before ME, and it did work.

So well as a matter of fact that my brain cells were so glued up that they could not even cope with simple things like malingering psychiatrists or all knowing idiots, sorry, can’t seem to find another word than that, for people who claim to have finished medical school, but then turned their brains off, as that was the best and easiest way to make money and a name for themselves.

It is that simple, would Mr Clarkson say. You know the man from Clarkhood and putting his Lambo in Top Gear, so he doesn’t notice the traffic jams on the M25 or any other road near the Kingdom of magic wand take away burgers.

But to come back to the picture at the eye specialist, that one was obviously taken by our master of Earl Greyness, our very own 001/7, the spy with ME.

Now after his encounter with the aliens from the ME planet, his body was really smashed up and his whole dashboard, well that is what he calls his stuff, you know that wasboard thing with six cans of lager.

Precisely, our flubby bellies, well, he had six cans of lager there that were so hard of his sneaking around business, that he would just flick up his shirt and all the girls would flick theirs.

No really, if using the name Bond, James Bond didn’t work his six cans would.

And then he turned into his Earlness and well, all the girls have gone missing.

So when the psychiatrists came up with that daft idea yesterday of starting an expedition to look for the one and only topless girl in England on a cold and windy day in November, his Earlness knew it was ludicrous, but he hadn’t seen a stunner since this suggestibility got in his Martini and he had to drink Earl Grey only from then on.

And well, he was bored out of his brain basically.

No lovely dovely evenings with a different girl in this day of AIDS, something which we doctors denied existed till people started to die left right and center.

And that is what I like about medicine and doctors. There is no other occupation where you are allowed to turn your brain off and remain in office.

If you do that sort of thing with a rocking bank, you get a kick in the proverb and back side and a big bonus, sorry, you pay yourself a big bonus before you announce to the world, hey look, we have fooled you.

Now, shortly after the ambulance had taken 001/7 off to hospital when he fell ill with this exercise phobia which send his superiors in a laughing fit, as he was the champion of all Bonds in whatever discipline they could think off.

And yes I fully agree, you can only come up with the most utter nonsense about human behaviour, if you are in the business yourself, been there, done that sort of thing.

And then BELINDA, you know that friendly MESSENGER girl that comes free of charge with the right equipment so to speak, turned up.

And the funny thing is, she is quite taken aback by his Earlhood.

She doesn’t care about six cans as she can buy those in the shop.

So for the first time in ages our master of sneakyness was getting attention he was craving since he fell ill.

Many of his friends had deserted him, just like half of his family and many others as he was by now the laziest man on earth.

You see, this ME thing is a bit like a meteor, once it strikes you, it will reset all your genetic material and all your genes, especially the ones that made you into a sport loving person, and delete your brain at the same time as they are particularly fond of this ROM or RAM business in your head.

They throw it around so often that your hard disks don't like it, yes I have a dual core brain like many others, one on the left and one on the right. But if they both have been thrown around so often, they will malfunctions like there is no tomorrow, and sometimes that would be the best thing.

No you silly man, no suicide or suicidal thoughts, I mean that the best thing would be that this malfunctiioningggging harddisks starts itself up, reboots itself in computer talk and we are back to our normal self.

Now yesterday I was still recovering from yet another malfunctioning GP who was so mad at herself that she wrote an article for ME that she was mad and bad and sick at the same time.

Or did she just join the GOBSART fanclub of magic wandhood???

Anyway, his Earlness was drinking his tea when he send BELINDA on the way with this photo and before I knew it she was back with another delightful message.

This time she said that his Earlness had seen a message on his ME Agenda rapid response board that there was a GP who had just written a story in a newspaper who had actually wrote something I need to share with you.

Yes really, it is that good, tasty and delicious and for once it seems that there is a GP out there, somewhere in the UK, who uses the simple principles of a good doctor.

Use your common sense that is.

So let me quote Dr Le Fanu. I have contemplated asking him to join my network but the trouble is that he will definitely earn a lot more for the paper he currently writes for. So have a read and see what you think.

"Common sense would suggest it is unwise for doctors to claim a treatment is effective when the patients on the receiving end insist otherwise.

Yet this happens more often than one might suppose, most recently in relation to chronic fatigue syndrome, which affects about a quarter of a million people in Britain.”

He continued by stating that the NICE guidelines had recommended CBT and GET but, and there comes the interesting point,

“This policy would seem to contradict the verdict of those with the illness, nearly three-quarters of whom report that cognitive therapy has "no effect", while the remaining quarter say it makes their condition worse. How can this be?

Put simply, the experts remain wedded to a psychological explanation of chronic fatigue, while those afflicted by it know only too well that it is due to a devastating disturbance of brain function.”

So what have we got here, a great doctor who, well just read his article and send him an email to thank him, his email address is at the bottom of his article.

The interesting thing was, BELINDA had another message from our tea drinking spy.

He had done some GOOGLING, as his six year old NIECE had told him that was to best way to investigate in this day and age, before you would do other things. Recently this great technique was forgotten by a TV team that would help you to locate your long lost relative.

They travelled all over the world, no expenses spared, and then they finally found this girl’s father.

Everybody happy you would think, that is till a seven year old, one more year of GOOGLING experience, clicked a few times on Google and found the father with a few clicks just on the net.

As her family had a flat rate for her internet it hadn’t cost them a penny more then if they hadn’t turned the laptop on.

AMAZING.

Just like this latest info from our tea drinker.

You see, he is so impressed by this business that we can measure it all, and that we have a bloodtest for every disease, even for piles, runny noses and many horrible diseases, and if not we can scan and scan and see everything.

Yes really, and so he has send me the latest scan of the brain of one of the professors in CBT hood who needed a GET fit test to renew his license to fish for other neurological illnesses.

And it is absolutely gobsmacking amazing what they think about.

Just have a look yourself and if you have to be near the MAGIC wand brigaders, well, I can only wish you all the best and good mental health. Good day MATES.