You are all aware that during winter months, CBT-blokeys suffer from so-called winter blues, and that is the real reason why they invented CBT.
You see, they needed something to GET them through those long dark evenings and nights. And the problem was, they thought it was way to cold to go for a run or so.
So they invented certain theories that you can only come up with if you are cold and miserable.
Other human beings would take up sports, go out with their mates for a game of bowling or squash, drink some afterwards as well, and have a great time.
A great time in the CBT twisted minds means something completely different though.
Some suffered from exercise phobia and the trouble with doctors is that once they can spell one word, they think that the whole wide world has the same problem.
No seriously. This is called the medical student’s disease.
You see, you learn about all sorts of sweetness and glorious diseases that people fight off like true heroes so you want to have them yourself.
And you start to think that if you develop a headache that that might actually be the beginning of something fabtastic. Yes, that is spelled right.
So, you just start to imagine diseases and you don’t need to think hard.
Everybody gets a cold or a runny nose, so those things are not interesting. You want drama as that is what you see on TV, and that is what the professor tells you is fabtastic.
Even more interesting if you can find this one new, ugly and horrible disease, preferably without a cure, and give it your name.
So then in a hundred years time, people will still talk about ALZHEIMER’S, when they think about CBT.
Now, I do think that there is something peculiar with this sentence, but somehow my spelling control says okidoki.
So it can’t be wrong, and we all know that CBT is ALZHEIMER’S spelled backwards, so what on earth does my brain spot that I can’t see???
If you have any idea, please let me know.
One cold night a CBT blokey was on his way to the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, but without his TINTIN he couldn’t find his way around the magic kingdom.
He was on a search for the exit, but funnily enough, they have all sorts of signs in that place, but they all say CBT or GET.
There is no way, once you are in, that they want to tell you how to GET out. It is that simple as Mr Clarkson would say.
But this new CBT blokey, wasn’t really worried a wee bit, as there were master blasters of CBT everywhere to support him, and tell him he was imagining his exit phobia.
Why on earth would you want to leave this place, is their idea of a lovely dovely time.
But as soon as this new and excitable CBT blokey started moving in the direction of the FINE and PACE trials, he entered forbidden territories, as these are so called trials which cost a hell of a lot, so much so that you would think there is enough money to do some proper research into ME.
Well we all know there isn’t.
And if you think I am the only one who fell in love with these trials then you are very wrong indeed. I have just read a few remarks on the INVEST IN ME SITE.
And they love these trials so much, they are actually thinking of doing what should have been done a long time ago…. Just shred them.
Now according to the powers that be, the following is true.
And I must say, I have now added these remarks, and these FINE and PACE trials to the script of the stand-up comedian who will use the Dr Speedy words to great effect in the WEST END in his next show, and stand up TRIAL that is FINE while he PACES himself and his audience.
Just go and see him, his lyrics are fabtastic just like his new show which you will only GET if you are FINE yourself.
“The treatments in the trial will be delivered to the highest standard by qualified nurses specially trained for the trial.”
Now how and so these nurses are trained is a mystery, and I must say, I would not want to be one of these nurses, as they are treating patients, but we all know there is no treatment, so what are they doing??
Watching reruns of Spitting Image, or TOP GEAR, when the STIG, STAG, or whatever that bloke with the Darth Vader type helmet is called, is trying hard not to crash the most expensive cars on earth, as he can drive just a wee bit better than the specially trained Misters Clarkson and May.
The last one is so slow, maybe something to do with his hairstyle, that you would think he has just read the ME manual for racing drivers.
This is an extensively peer reviewed manual, tested under extreme circumstances and highest standards of the Dr Speedy Superglue BLOG, so that will mean you can trust them.
No magic wands, no talky talky wishy washy, driving instructions, or FINE PACE driving.
But real state of the moment, or is it state of the art school, I always mix those up, guidelines on how you should start your car, put the thing in gear, and we insist that you do the same with an automatic, select the forward gear if you want to get moving that is.
But before you do so, you must make sure that you have everything you need if you go to the land of make belief, United around CBT-ism and other magical mystery tours.
This will mean you need a shed load of money to drive into London.
Well. Crawl is more the right word, but that is done by the Mayor of London to give you an idea of what ME is like.
And you have to pay for this pleasure as well. Again, a bit like with ME.
Our secondary gains amount to so much money that we get dizzy just counting and counting and counting.
And yes, CBT will help. Counting Backwards Todeloo.
But James May has come to our rescue.
If you don’t know the bloke, well, when you think that Mr Clarkson talks like he has swallowed a Ferrari F-1 car, that is doing well over two hundred miles an hour on the Indy straight. Then James May has just swallowed a snail who is asleep.
Now, you would think I don’t like him at all. But you would be wrong.
You see, he has a certain style and finesse, that most people lack. And he isn’t afraid to acknowledge the fact, that he isn’t the fastest driver in the whole wide universe.
And that is really odd for a petrol head. A bit like a CBT blokey saying that CBT is rubbish for neurological diseases.
Even on the odd chance that it would be peer reviewed, it is still a hopeless effort of delusionism.
And then some.
Now I agree, delusional minds think alike, so happy collusional delusionists enjoy your CBT in your gated community.
The best thing you could do would be to GET some GET yourself, swallow it, smoke it or just gargle it.
I am sure it will work for piles, just as well as for a sore throat, internet allergies and even delusional thoughts, brought to you by the master of delusionism, who will benefit greatly from this fantastic and absolutely brilliant nothingness.
Go Eat Tiramisu. I can assure you, that is peer reviewed by many Italians, and other food loving fanatics, and it works really well.
Tasty, lovely, and even though it doesn’t cure ME, it is a NICE treat. And so many times more effective than any psycho babble or goobledigook.
No, not GOOGLEdigook. The COOL BLOGGING THERAPY offered by Mr Google and his friends, completely free of charge, does actually work.
And even if it doesn’t, we haven’t wasted MILLIONS of people’s tax money on delusionism.
UHUM.
Oh and then there was Dr Trudy Oslo, you know that doctor who specialises in CBT for anything and everything.
I am glad to say that she had a look at the HARRIER, you know, that plane with symptoms reminiscent of ME, that from now on, you will think off every time you go for a swim in the sea, and this is what she actually wrote:
“Dr Speedy,
I am a world expert in CBT. The plane you just showed was suffering from very very low self esteem. It did not have a mechanical problem. It was basically lazy. Couldn't be bothered getting up in the air.
After six sessions of CBT I had the plane back at 25,000 feet. I only charge £600 million for my services,
Dr Trudy Oslo"
And you know what, she is right. It is just very hard indeed to say that basically we are all lazy bastards who can’t be bothered. No really.
But even if this was true, we would be running, and be world class athletes by now, trying to escape from these delusionists.
The fact that we don’t, simply because we can’t, should be enough for any normal human being with a brain that wasn’t turned off.
But I agree, a non functional thinking part of your brain is a requirement to be successful in delusionism. And after six sessions of CBT you will be a collusionist as well.
Welcome to delusional Collusionism, as brought to you, proudly that is, by the so called masters of the magical mystery tour.
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