CAUSE OF ME FOUND, SO THEY SAY

LIFE with this suggestibility virus has become very interesting I must say.

Some even think that being able to write one BLOG a day, WHILE LYING IN BED, means you can do your work as a doctor in a busy GP surgery.

And I wish they were right.

If you read my BLOG you will notice I make mistakes.

Some are just plain silly, some I wouldn’t make if my brain was functioning at my usual level because then I could reread my BLOG properly and some I could filter out with the spelling control.

But the Blogger one doesn’t always wake up. Or on other occasions I just forget to use it.

But before you can see why going back to work is impossible at the moment; unfortunately that is, let’s have a look at what I can do at present.

I have to wait till the house is quiet, and go downstairs to get something to eat. But when I have managed to get down the stairs, which is even worse than going up, I have to lie down for an hour before I can sit at the table and eat.

Then I have to lie down again, and so every hour or so I get up, walk the few yards to the toilet and/or the kitchen, and then I need to rest again.

Depending on if I have to climb the stairs once or twice a day, the last will have me in the most amazing pains for days, I can also walk a few yards outside.

But all in all, I am lying down about 23 out of 24 hours. Maybe even more. And that seven days a week.

So there you have me, Mr Superglue.

So if I get up in the morning in my current state, and get ready to go to work, well, by the time I am downstairs, I need to lie down for an hour.

I still need my breakfast and then I need another hour before I can do something again.

If I would then go to work, I would not be able to get there, as I simply can’t sit long enough to get there.

Furthermore the traffic and the car etc are too noisy. And I don’t have enough strength and power to do it all.

And then there is the problem of actually walking from the car to my consulting room. Even sitting in a wheelchair would be impossible as I can’t sit.

Doing a consultation lying down is difficult, even more so, as I always have the laptop volume in the mute mode and a surgery is a noisy place.

Then there is the minute detail of seeing patients. Children might be boisterous etc. But it might also be someone with a back problem, and doing a hip examination or a straight leg test are impossible as the leg is too heavy.

Then I need to write a script, but we have this old fashioned printer, noisy as there is no tomorrow, which likes to eat the prescriptions instead of printing them and spitting them out.

But even a modern, new state of the art printer would not solve the problem of sitting, getting there etc.

I can’t walk away or so from the noise, and I can’t sit or stand long enough to take a history and examine a patient with whatever problem they present.

To be able to go back to work, my noise intolerance needs to be a lot less, and I need to be able to sit for more than five or ten minutes. It is that simple.

But apparently, all that it comes down to, they tell me, is my motivation.

Or I should say, a lack of it. Yeah right.

Would they say the same if someone with MS can’t walk or stand?? I know they used to…

Have I given up hope that one day, soon I hope, I can go back to work???

No absolutely not.

But now is just impossible. Just like driving a car, which I actually love as a petrol head. And I know there are many new and exiting cars out there which I would love to see for real.

But all I can do at present is remain optimistic and use my COOL BLOGGING THERAPY, and my GRADED LAUGHTER THERAPY, to keep my spirits up.

Together with help and support from others, and supporting emails and comments, as I can’t even do my own shopping etc.

Not to mention the fact what sort of impact it has on my loved ones.

Really nice this suggestibility virus.

But there is hope and help is looking very good indeed.

Double oo one seven, 001/7, our master of espionage, who works for ME-6 as you might know, has a friend in the basement of ME-6, who listens to the elusive name of E-414. Yeah, my first thoughts were of artificial colourings and so as well, but apparently he is the main ENGINEER at ME-6.

At the moment he is working on a remote control with an i-pod sort of thingy build in. Not to play music, but to make life easier for people like ME. You see, the idea of the device is to be able to shut people up.

Not in the licence to kill sort of way, but by just hitting the mute button almost all sound will disappear and everybody will be quiet. Amazing technology.

But E-414 has more interesting features in this remote which is still in the early stages of design, he has told ME.

The device can also work as a sort of time traveller, so travelling to and from work will take a few seconds, instead of half an hour, an hour or even more, depending on where you work. And so that will dramatically reduce the time I waste sitting, which is near impossible right now.

Furthermore E-414, is hard at work to make this device so good, that even CBT magic wands stop in mid air.

Better still, it will help to find the cause and hopefully a cure for ME, and many other diseases, as it can do all sorts of amazing stuff.

The micro chip he uses, is so small, as these technical blokes actually keep on developing new things as they don’t understand the adagio that we know it all, and so this new chippie, is almost invisible to the naked eye, and so the days of the submarine, yellow maybe, that will float through our bodies on its way to destroy evil cells, viruses and what have you, is getting nearer.

E-414 also informed ME why the GOBSART fellows don’t like the Internet.

E said, it is very simple. You see, they think a search engine is to search for lost property, and they are of the opinion that that is not the case with ME. And for once I was going to say they are right… but they aren’t.

You see, I have lost my health, so I would classify that as a lot more than lost property.

Apparently they don’t like GOOGLE, as they think we call them that, and that means bananas if you think about it.

The same applies to that new bloke on the block that listens to the name of TECHNORATI. A sort of technical appliance that can sing. Or was that Pavarotti who died mysteriously around the time TECHNORATI started to sing his songs??

The last one they don’t like is YAHOO.

In their simple minds, don’t you forget about ME, was a big hit, many years before this suggestibility virus found its way into my system.

Their idea is that we shout YAHOO after we have seen their CBT friends. The trouble is we don’t as, well you know why.

So now they don’t want to use Yahoo. Furthermore, broadband, and all that stuff doesn’t exist in NHS land, so how on earth are they going to download a file on a normal land line??

So really, there is no way they could have known about the Canadian and South Australian guidelines, let alone off Dr Stein and her great work.

But E-414 has also told me the following, very interesting story.

No, he hasn’t made that one up, a friend of him told him that story, when he was bedbound with ME, as all people who work at ME-6, know what ME means and entails, contrary to many so called experts who walk around as if it is HALLOWEEN EVERY DAY of the year, waving their CBT wands at anybody and everybody.

“One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died from septic shock.”

Oh and for all of you who believe in exercise phobia and suggestibility, going to work, and sticking to a schedule to run a marathon, is a heck of a lot easier than being Mr Superglue etc.

Before I shut up, I want to share a comment with you, that I received via email after yesterday’s BLOG, and just read it and you will see that this COOL BLOGGING THERAPY is so much better and more cost effective than silly magic wand therapy, it is unbelievable. So thanks for the following email.

“....the journal for pregnant red ants..... that has me in stitches....as does the pic -this graded laughter therapy works a treat....just when i needed it most.”

And as you can tell from this blog today, much appreciated, just when I needed it most as well.

Don't you forget about ME, or as Mr NICE would say: