As you may know, I do not like being ill very much. And nor do I care much about the wellbeing of Albus Potter and his CBT jolly good fellows and their reindeers. They are big and old enough to be able to look after themselves very well indeed, as we all know, to our own detriment unfortunately.
So I was very pleased when NICE announced that they are going to let the public tell them what they think of their guidelines and so.
Not that they will do anything with it but it sounds very NICE and politically correct to give the public and the voters the idea that they care about us.
And then horrible visions of people in CBT lab coats kept me awake and I was sweating and getting just as scared as a cat on the way down from a sky scraper back to earth at dazzling speed, as I realised that this was another of their make belief songs soon to hit the charts and be presented by Albus Potter and his band, the Sweet CBT singing in Top of the Flops.
Songs like: Slow Motion about a Lollipop Man, shouting Funny Funny in Hell Raiser voices and then their Albus Potter alias Poppa Joe stands up and does the Teenage Rampage dance in a hell raiser pair of trouser while his Little Willy shouts Turn It Down and his companion at the GET instrument starts blowing the real CBT and GET song called The Lies in Your Eyes.
And before I wake up fully drenched I realise that those boys already knew in 1977 that this ME thing was the Stairway to the Stars for Albus and his mates when I heard that they also sang Call ME.
Now Albus forgot a few songs as well, one in particular named Turn it Down but even more importantly Give The lady Some Respect and that is the thing that fails time and again in malingering country and Albus Potter hood.
But watch him on youcbt and you will have a jolly good time, the only thing you would need is the patience of a saint to sit out his whole monologue that is so utterly boring and lacks any sense of reality that you know he must be a psychiatrist.
But I guess looking back at the history of medicine or any history at all is too much to ask from Albus as he might stumble across some hysterics who are still locked up in his closet dressed up as patients with MS.
And the worst part for Albus is that the real Albus Dumblemore is gay.
It took him six or seven books to come out of his closet, and how the Rowling lady could keep that a secret is utterly amazing as that is a mental health problem in Albus his DSM book that is falling to pieces just like his splendid theory about ME.
You see, if you read his stuff you realise that his nose starts to grow while he was writing it. And by the time you finish one of his books on so called ME his nose is as long as an elongated tent pole.
And even Alain Prost, you know that French bloke that couldn’t drive according to some, others preferred to call him the Professor as he could drive at incredible speeds and still think and so.
Something that real professors, like Albus, have a tremendous problem with.
I have tried to email him, that is Mr Prost, to see what he thinks of heading the Albus Potter academy but he is worried that if he wlans into that place his nose starts to grow automatically as there are so many lies stacked up in that place that it must be so contagious that his nose and his health would be at risk, just like yours and mine are with CBT and especially that silly tea called GeeEeeTea.
I think it is a special kind of brand grown on the hills of the Academy and then blasted with so much nonsense that the leaves come off the plants spontaneously, as they are in utter fear of Albus and his illustrious methods.
But I needn’t have worried, though, because it was only a dream and England and the High Court Judge will be embracing all aspects of the common sense revolution, based on many years of medical know how and information from patients who do have ME and not some Albus Potter concoction.
Like doctor Le Fanu said in his Newspaper, if patients are telling you amass that a therapy doesn’t work than you have to be utterly stupid and a CBT fanatic to continue your song that it works. I know patients don’t know anything in delusional minds and it seems that Albus and his mates really haven’t got the hang of ME or anything for that matter that involves using your brain.
Not surprising though as BRAINFOG is clearly a cloud that hangs over the Academy and the Kingdom of nothingness also know as the MAGIC CBT KINGDOM, a sort of knowledge free fairtrade centre in NHS land also known as a black hole of wisdom or hoover hole.
The hole is so big that instead of using their ELEVEN million on something useful it has disappeared without a trace.
You might say, but it will be spend on CBT and Get, well you might be right but that is the same as leaving it unattended for an hour and then coming back to discover it has been mickeled.
You see, while GET might destroy many lives, we also have the power according to NICE, yes, that was about the only sentence they got right in half their AMAZON land of paper, that we as ME patients decide if we do GET GET. So put simple, we can say no to CBT and GET and that should not affect our treatment nor Incapacity Benefits according to NICE.
The only people CBT and GET might work for are those who will benefit from reading an Asterix and Obelix and going to see their wizard and then when they drink his drink or put some parsely in their ears when the great singer from the CBT brotherhood of Potters starts to sing and that will cure them you know that they had a GP or other doctor who was as good at diagnosing ME as Albus Potter and his NICE brothers.
So if they had had a Potter GP, or is that a proper GP, they would have been diagnosed right many many years ago and long been cured and spared many miserable minutes, days, weeks, months and often years.
It is that simple.
Talking about those ME guidleines, they are so big, in fact, that they will now be used in the strongest man of the world contest as the final event to decide who is best at weightlifting heavy nonsense.
This is a guidelines that weighs more than most people’s houses, and the summary of the summary of the summary, meant for the doctors from the CBT academy who failed their literacy and other basic tests at school, weighs even more because they’ve taken out the few essential bits and replaced them with all the articles by the magic wand brigade so then someone might actually have a look at them before we use them here down under to start our Christmas Barbeques.
For those sorts of events guidelines that are of the utter ness of useless ness are really helpful to start of a NICE fire so your steak will just be right just like your Christmas.
So to all of you good day and maybe CBT might finally put some sense into Albus Potter and his mates.
Just keep on hoping, it happened after many many years of utter medical nonsense with many other diseases so it will happen with ME.
It is just a matter of time before we can bury Albus and his illustrious gang of uselessness.
And if you happen to have people around you who mutter at every occassion that you are a lazy bugger or whatever other utter nonsense they come up with, remember what The Sweet sang all those years ago:
“Don't you know I can see
You ain't foolin' me I ain't blind
The lies in your eyes don't disguise
But the lies in your eyes.
You gotta big fat mouth
watch what you say
'Cause sooner
later
you're gonna pay”
So enjoy a great song from many years ago and some great wisdom, so Albus, please pay attention for a change……..
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