Last week Professor CBT and the CBT MAGIC WONDERLAND held their annual award ceremony for the best psychiatric fairytales and announced that the greatest story of the year was the ME guideline by the GOBSART Academy for completely ignoring all scientific evidence and believing every single silly word from the psychiatric poodles and other magnetic resonance coming from the area near the Thames and other psychiatric prisons.
You could immediately tell that one of the poodles, might also be one of the sheep, was actually some sort of MOD man who managed to loose 600,000 addresses and other valuable info from new would be soldiers who were willing to risk their life for a poodle who would than later say, if something happened to them, you were a traitor or no, no medical illness.
The ME fairytale would come in handy again.
First you start by denying it exists. Then you come up with a new definition, for something which isn’t there in the first place according to the delusional thinking part of the psycho brain, so a very intelligent proposition…..
Then you call it malingering again, so again you deny that what you say now existed actually didn’t exist, but then did, but then didn’t exist after all.
So the tombola is working overtime and the poodles are the only ones who can make sense out of this total nonsense….
The military cluster bombing has started you see, it doesn’t exist, it is malingering, false illness beliefs, laziness, exercise phobia, so really, in their own minds and words, they haven’t got a clue.
If you wanted to talk about any other disease you would only need one word, like Alzheimer’s or so, a bit like modern day warfare, where you would use precision and smart bombs if you know what you are talking about and doing and who you are after and so.
But the poodles have no clue, so back to cluster bombing the PWME. And that their silly therapies make us worse, well that is not their problem and they just call that collateral damage.
Because then it is not important or damaged you see…. Trick and treat learned from the military and used by our own poodles.
The same can be said from leaving out the ICD code for ME from the WHO and the fact that it is classified as a neurological illness.
Now we know why they did that, but it becomes a lot more interesting if you realise that ME patients are NOT allowed to donate BLOOD.
We might be passing on our malingeritis, or our CBT allergy, or our nasty GET cough: and again, the reason why this wasn’t mentioned by the GOBSART boys is clear, you would think that they have an obligation to inform the GP’s and other doctors as they are a so called Dependent Institute of Drowning at 48 feet of the coast.
But it is a bit like making cars exempt from certain taxes.
A few years ago they invented the rule that your car would be exempt if the engine was 1100 cc or less. So cars with small engine pollute less or something to that matter and that sounded quite smart and right for once.
Until you realised that even the Fiat Cinquecento didn’t fulfil this rule as its engine was 1106 cc. So 6 cc too much ….
In the end only 7 models made it yet almost no one bought those little sowing machines ….
Also called playmobil cars for grown ups, they can drive, sow and blow hot air into the stratosphere and as it isn’t much the politicians who themselves drive big fat cars don’t like them.
The politicians and GOBSART fellows said the rule was easy to use, good for the environment and educational well founded. And that’s lovely.
Very much like the ME guideline it is just ludicrous and not about ME at all just like the 1100 cc rule has nothing to do with people buying cars and stopping pollution……..
And I understand there is now a new rule made up by a political poodle that non polluting cars get bonuses, sounds great until you realise that they don’t exist. A bit like the psychiatric poodle and ME knowledge, they don’t ...
Exactly what these chocolate muffins wanted, pretend that you do something or know something about something yet the only interesting thing is your own bank account.
In that respect politics equals psychiatry, well the ones who have spend ther lifetime learning how to tell porkies and utter nonsense about well not clear actually about what and do not dare to contradict them as the blue or white vans will be on the way taking you into their GETanomo hospitals also called mental health prisons because you had the misfortune of falling ill with a neurological illness which was too difficult to deal with for the simple minds from the GOBSART Academy and their beer drinking buddies…
Anyway. Guess what. Immediately after the announcement was made by the GOBSART boys that they are on a promotional tour to promote Ignoring Clinical Evidence, as that GET's in the way, is awkward, a lot easier and it obviously slows the process down dramatically if you have to read it all, and so and it costs money that is better spend on going out with the lads from the GETanomo prisons.
Now half the nation’s GP’s rushed to the nearest store where they were drooling with exitement that this guidelines was endly there.
They had been having fantasies and other dreams about this, had been waiting months as you do when you wanted a ticket for the long awaited new Stones Album or the latest book from her Rowlingness about a boy who can fly and who dances around naked on Broadway.
Then they locked themselves up in a room for two weeks to read this fabtastc fairytale and then they would also dance around naked on Broadway singing the latest gospel from the poodles and other CBT tunes.
By the time they had read the manuscript or whatever you call it, all GP’s look like they have been smoking POT, it is that great, well to roll a joint with that is.
Yes I know, illegal and so, but after weeks of thinking, I haven’t come up with any other useful ness for this GOBSART Academy manuscript of poodles.
But if you have another idea, apart from reading evidence and rewriting the damn thing, please let me know, because I haven’t.
And then my BBC Therapist said it was time for my weekly session of Captain Slow as that is what his real name is. Some will call him James May, some will call him little Brian and some will just say he is our Queen. You know, that guitarist that used to help Freddie Mercury out.
You know that guy who sang, I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I Like. Now I know that is against the GOBSART philosophy of exercise allergy and the funny thing is the less people like sports, the more they believe this exercise phobia they have got and are now portraying on us. Really interesting.
But Captain Slow said he was off to the no fly zone between East and West Germany, well the former area where the GOBSART boys still think there is an iron curtain.
They actually believe it existed, so be quiet, let them dream on. You might ask, what was he going to do there and the answer was simple. He was gathering evidence.
Yes, even at Top Gear they know how important that is and even how to do it. If a manufacturer says something they actually want to find out if it is true, so not the GOBSART mentality or the poodles who drink Thames water and after 12 sessions of CBT call it Mountain water or so, while they smoke their own articles, or snog them, I am not sure actually.
At this stage Captain Slow got the keys to a car, well it was more a rocket on wheels also called the Bugatti Viagra or something. It costs as much as Professor C.B.T. gets for selling porkpies; you can drive it, fly it and use it as a submarine and that all for that money. 
No seriously.
It is however the one and only road car that can do more than 400 kilometres an hour, 407 or so to be precise. And Captain Slow got in. Now the good thing was, he didn’t need a helmet.
You see, he hasn’t been to a barber since he was three years old so by now his hair is a natural helmet and SHOEI, BELL and others from the special head gear industry are showing interest, and paying interest as well, to see how well his hare fairs against their special products.
That chin bloke from Germany used to use a different helmet, one from Mozart or Beethoven I think, and that one was so light that he once came in to the pits to ask if he was wearing his helmet or not.
Now dear old James won’t have that problem. He is well equipped, always and at every time of the day.
Anyway, from zero to one hundred took exactly one second, so just about long enough to blink you eye, from one hundred to two lasted double that so two seconds and by the time he was up to three hundred you and I would just have reached the end of the room.
Now remember he was and is and always will be Captain Slow yet here he was entering a point which most of us will never reach. He was now doing well over Three hundred and some say that he was shitting his pants, others say that he was thinking if this Bugatti was better than sex, but we know that he was really thinking of something else.
You see, in a few seconds he was doing four hundred kilometres an hour, and at this stage Captain Slow was faster than Mr Schumacher had ever travelled in his F1 car.
Amazing if you think about it, Captain Slow was beating Michael, the SEVEN times Formula One World Champion.
But you needed to remember that a Bugatti could only do this sort of speed for about 55 minutes because then he had two minutes too spare before a tyre blow-out would happen, and at that sort of speed that would be a no thank you.
A bit like leading a normal life in the nice and fast lane and then being stopped by a bloke called ME that causes a blow out of all your systems and your whole life has been smashed to pieces yet the poodles and quite a few others think this is the sort of thing we dream about, wish for it to happen, stuff of wet dreams and so.
And they are right, about wet in the meaning of tears, well you know what I mean. It is not the same as a Nice car, house, holiday, run or whatever.
But the poodles they are too busy counting their millions to have a clue about anything else really.
I would dearly love, at this point, to launch into a tirade against silly psychiatrists, and how their articles are poisoning the minds of our precious doctors.
But I won’t, you see I love them. I spend hours laughing silently about so much incompetence after graduating as a doctor; well I presume they did….
And then there is Captain Slow, he has a grin on his face when he gets out of the Viagra, he hasn’t crashed the damn thing as that is Hammond’s speciality and the Clarkman would not get near it as it is incredibly expensive, so you would think it is to his taste, however, he has to manually move the seat backwards and in a car of that price that won’t do for his Clarkness.
And you know what, he is right.
And then my session of BBC therapy is almost over, but not before James has mentioned that a normal car has one radiator yet this one needed TEN and the engineers needed special treatment as well as no F1 team could help with the aerodynamics as none of their cars drives at that sort of speed.
So they realised that they didn’t know it all, something you will never hear from the GOBSART POODLES, even if we all know that to be the case.
Of course, it would be nice if the ONE CLICK APPEAL would change that and maybe they will. Maybe some day a poodle will either wake up or GET ME himself and then realises that it is a shitty disease.
Yes a shitty disease, there is just no other word for it.
And now it is time for the last part of the BBC therapy, just watch and enjoy Captain Slow at his best……
But before that I will just mention a few other bloggers who are also using the Cool Blogging Therapy in their fight against all sorts of things like ME, cancer amongst other things.
If you want me to mention your blog as well, just let me know.
1. What Dave Thinks!
2. Antoinette Christie in her fight against ME
3. Maggie and ME
4. Chezza from down under fighting against ME
So and now it is time to let the Captain do the talking himself, he is funny, he is articulate, he is Mr ZZ-top himself, here is James May and his Viagra on wheels………….
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