Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
I do not like to be ill. At least that is what my brain tells me, but the psycho brigade, who have never seen ME, say I enjoy being one of the participants of the superglue contest and I have a very big chance of becoming Mr SUPERGLUE himself.
Actually, that’s not strictly accurate. I do like living in bed, no one to talk to, no tying up my laces or getting my running shoes dirty and having to clean them afterwards.......
No swimming as I am not very good at that anyway and no GP-ing as well, lets face it, that is just as boring as hell. All those patients who come to see you, talk to you, you solve their problems, and who in his right frame of mind would want that.
I GET lovely emails from people who have been to see their GP with ME to be told they are NUTS, the only thing I don’t understand from those emails is if the GP is talking about the patient or themselves.
Just a minority detail I agree.
And then there is the thing of reading Mr Clarkson’s hilarious articles about driving cars and testing them to the limit. Now I am a petrolhead and I know that is silly, probably one of the reasons why those little buggers got in my system as the white bloodcells couldn’t find them in the petrol that is running through my veins.
And there are quite a number of NICE cars out there, some I would actually like to drive, sorry, I hate driving cars, I prefer lying in bed so I don’t waste any petrol.
Yes, that must be it.
No wasting of petrol, no wasting of energy while out running, no getting wet from running in the rain and no sweaty shirts. Yes, that must be really it.
Now to come back to being ill with this suggestion by my GP who didn’t know how to spell ME either, it’s never happened before that I was ill.
And so far I have come to realise that it is the greatest invention on GOD’s planet.
I don’t have to count my money anymore, as I know there is none, I don’t have to think, will I go out for a meal, a rum, or will I visit some friends.
Quite a lot of the last have done a runner as this suggestion by the Magic wand brigade that we want to be ill is so contagious that you can even get it from reading about this disease on the internet.
I have double checked with Mr McAfee and his boys and they have no protection against this Ying and Yang virus or wriggly wurm either. And it is driving them insane.
Now as a GP I could earn a bob or two and drive the car I want, and the thing is, it is actually there for the taking if I would work, and so.
I might even go to see fast racing cars drinking in circles but maybe I am ill because this circle business is just ludicrous.
A bit like watching football. On the one side you try to kick the ball in the net yet on the other side if you do the same you are the greatest idiot on this planet.
And the same thing has happened with this disease, if it had done a runner and would have bypassed me I would still be fine.
Yet now I am …………
Now we all know that the Institute to cut budgets and make sure that people with diseases don’t GET the treatment they need, is being taken to court to learn how to use the internet.
The trouble is, they don’t have a server and a router and WLAN and so in the NHS. They have tried using pigeons, but these lazy birds have said, GET off my back you lot so it is logical that the GOBSART boys have only used what the magic wand brigade from professor Albus Potter and his friends have called evidence.
Last week I did a little experiment the magic wand way.
It is so simple, you see, everybody who emails me has ME.
So the conclusion from my evidence based trial is so simple, it is breathtaking and it will win me the Magic wand Prize of CBT-ness and a GET medal from the NHS.
You see, my trial has shown that everybody who can email has got ME so if you don’t know how to email you are FINE.
Just PACE yourself and all will be well.
So, all of you out there, you can do these GOBSART and magic wand trials as well. There is really nothing to it.
Peer reviewing is done by yourself, just like the editing, and publishing is just a matter of asking your friends to look left and rub their other eye.
It is that simple.
And then we have all the evidence that if you can email you have ME. I repeat the same trial over and over again, speak to doctors and reporters and tell them that it doesn’t matter anymore in modern day if you have a mental health problem or a physical illness.
If you need heart surgery we will ask the psychiatrist to do it and if you need lets say a new hip I am sure that the gynaecologist can do that when he is doing a smear, even if you are a bloke.
It is that simple.
So and now before we take the GOBSART fellows out for a day in the park, let me tell you about a simple and effective ME Guideline that one of the Dr Speedy supporters, that is to support me from needing to see a CBT gynaecologist that is, has send me.
It is that easy and that simple that you only need half an A4, so a small Audi, the new one that I can’t drive or go and see. And you can bin the one hundred plus document from the GOBBLERS that has got all the words muddles up.
1. Treat patients with respect and dignity.
2. Read new reseach findings and apply them.
3. Understand that you cannot homogenise people.
4. Employ new drug/treatment applications as (and when) they are proven to help.
That is all for now, good day and good mental health, and stay away from the magic wanders. And the same applies to any other therapy that is basically the same. If it cures you great but if by standing in the streaming rain with a nickel in your hand while waiting for Thor, the GOD of Thunder; to kick against something so we will see some light, you loose your suggestibily, than whoever diagnosed it was just as wrong as the magic wand brigade and their GOBSART loving friends about ME. And if we would have gotten the diagnosis right to begin with, you might have been better a long long time ago...........
Just a minute little detail, I fully agree.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
When I see ME patients they are, to me, like pictures of stars in an other faraway galaxy. They are an invitation to come and see for myself how much silliness God produced in a nuttershell.
CBT and the world of CBT-ing has a glorious future: all we need is for the Canadians and the blokes in South Australia to join the war in Iraq and for the Americans to NUKE the whole sandpit.
Fifty years ago, the ME fairy tale was launched.
Their mission was to head straight from work into bed, where they would watch tv, be pampered by friends and family and listen to my messages in the hope that aliens would come and rescue this place from Ying and Yang flu.
We would serve them biscuits and tea and then drop them in NICE GETANOMO.
The little aliens never showed up, as they ran away shitless after seeing what a bunch of losers ME people were.
Who in his right frame of mind would want those dense punters on his planet if they could have the England team and Steve McLaren and his racing team.
McLaren one was build around goalies who felt that you shouldn’t catch a ball as it might be a granate, and the FA told the managers to GET as many foreign players in the Premier League so no Englishman would know how to kick a ball anymore.
And this Steve bloke also ran an F1 team that was basically a Ferrari and now we know that Renault was build around a McLaren so Ferrari was the mother of all cars but we knew that a long time ago when EROS RAMAZOTTI started his own team racing Alfa Romeo’s.
And no one complained then that he called his team Ferrari but his cars were build and designed by Alfa Romeo.
And the ME lot did the same, they started to use the MS molucules, sorry modules, to tell us that ME didn’t exist and they were right.
Sorry, we were right.
Who in his right frame of mind wouldn’t be happy for twelve sessions of CBT with a sexy and adorable bloke like ME???
I talk from my chair high up in the stratosphere and look down on all of you, at the same time I am somewhere else telling the EhEhEhEh people that you lot should be put on a ship to Australia so we cut down enormously on our CO2 emission as you lot don’t work yet produce a ludicrous amount of useless CO2.
We could obviously help and reduce your output by talking and boring you to death with CBT and all you have to do is ask.
Even those super blooper guys from the NICE institute of walking away from real research doctors have recommended to use our Harry Potter therapy as designed by no one other than ME, professor C.B.T.
When Albus Dumblemore is gone, he is gay so no one wants him anymore, as Freud said that gay people can’t be magical, so I will take his place.
Due to my CBT personality and GET prefabrications I can fly like Catweazle and I can dumble dry you like the best Miele on this planet.
So what more would you want from the top advisor of the EhEhEhEh company that refuses to pay anybody anything for whatever they have paid their premium for.
You see, we are in the business to become mega rich, and I mean mega.
The first ELEVEN is on the wax bank, sorry on the way to the bank and my bank manager has been so static that I will be the honorable Northern Rock myself.
Albus 2, also called my lovely and super sexy unfortunately married CBT matrix herself is way beyond ME and forging a path through the myriad tiny ME cynicals also called patients and terrorist groups like One Click Explosives and other combustable groups that cling to ME as if it was the best thing since sliced bread.
And believe ME, they are right.
It’s all just too excellent for words, the notion that ME is the saviour of psychiatry, the saviour of Soccerhood so we can drown our tears for not qualifying but at the same time this will mean that half the fans will need at least five or six sessions of emergency CBT to tell them that the world will not stop to turn, apart for Steve McLaren and his F1 team.
They have paid him two and half million so he can spend all of that on CBT to make sure that he will survive and then we have done another tremendous job.
Just like we did by telling the world that yuppie flu is not in the mind and not in the body either.
And all those idiots believed that utter nonsense.
They even paid me so much money that I can swim in it and count all day long and I will never see the end of the eleven million coins.
So I have sent a message in a bottle, as we don’t use the internet in our place, too many spanners out there that want our money and now it’s just a question of waiting for Mr Brown to send more money to our magical craziness.
Solaire or so long, whatever you prefer, and with ME and malingering as your main course you won’t notice the difference anyway.
Professor C-B-T from my place high above you.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Just a few quick questions today. If you click on the picture you will learn more about the ONE CLICK action to take NICE to court.
We are called the YUPPIE FLU campaigners, so is it now time for my yearly YUPPIE FLU JAB????
Mr NICE and so, please mail me your answers.
Now, something else, how can we be malingering sods, if we have YUPPIE FLU???
If you just GOOGLE a bit, or in your case, read a few old books that you seem to regard as state of the art machine, then please check SPANISH FLU out.
Now how many people died of this disease, SIXTEEN million I believe. And as it doesn’t exist anymore, does that mean that it was all in the mind???
On a more serious note, it is time to introduce you and the GOBSART boys and girls to the PUN’s and DEN’s duo.
This duo is playing all over England and many doctors well, how shall I put it mildly, don’t like them one single bit.
You see, just because of that Shipman bloke, who would actually have passed this silly revalidation business anyway, as he was good with his patients and so.
This punters business was invented by a doctor called Dr Eve, and the idea is that you record the PUN’S, that is the Patients Unmet Needs, and then see who is DENSE.
DEN’s that is you silly brainfogger. Also called The Doctors Educational Needs.
Well, in the case of the GOBSART FAMILY and their MAGIC wand team that is quite easy.
You see, they can’t diagnose ME, so they can’t advise us properly, let alone help us the way a doctor should do. So time for PUN’s and DEN’s little fellows.
So in proper punters and dense talk, that means, their educational needs are that they need to learn what ME is, how we diagnose it and the first step in that direction is to BIN their GOBSART booklets.
Read the Canadian guidelines and start afresh. As the Clarkman would say, it is that easy.
And as the GOBSART FELLOWS and their BELOVED CBT friends can’t do what SIX year olds can, I have taken the liberty to make a small and very simple Punters guide to ME, for magic wand addicts and GOBSART lovers.
So read and enjoy and finally learn what ME is.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I can't quite remember why the psychiatrists got involved with ME in the first place.
As I recall, they were bored out of their brains after spendng to much times saying, and what do you think yourself, as that is the first sentence any psychiatrist or psychologist learns in TALK land.
The trouble is, they wanted to get some attention themselves. Now they could become a cereal killer, they could buy a football club in Greenland or they could buy a gun and start shooting clay pigeons.
But doing so would more likely loose them a hand, their medical licence or their jobs.
They could obviously do something outrages, like going for a swim or a run, but that was too much exercise so they had to think of something else.
Something to GET the attention of all hemales and shemales and females in the world. You see, they had lost the war against MS, they had lost the war against Shell Shocked soldiers so well, boredom really.
I told you before, I was thinking, yes really, I was thinking of training to become a psychiatrist but when I went for a job interview, it quickly became clear that there were no people in the UK and Australia, or anywhere else for that matter, in need of a psychiatrist.
So my dream of becoming the modern day Mr Fried went out of the window before it had really started.
Then I thought of becoming Frasier Crane, you know that good mental health morning everybody guy who only keeps his feet on the floor as Eddy, his personal manager, yes, his father’s dog, and Marty, a retired man, his own father, keep him well sane.
So again, a psychiatrist who has turned away from mental health doctoring as even in the States, were it was fashionable for stars to have your own dog, personal trainer and shrink.
But Frasier had to turn to the radio as even there in Good old America, all mental health problems were extinguished, finito and non existent anymore.
Yes I know, that Bush fellow is trying his best to get as many people back to the psychiatrists as he can.
First he sends healthy blokes to the gulf to play in the sand to go look for oil, and when they come back and have been so badly injured that they can’t fight anymore, you just kick them out off the army.
Now I read in one of your papers that that is quite fashionable in the UK as well.
You go there as a fit bloke, you are 19 and you loose your leg, and then the Army says bye bye. They give you a bit of money, a bit like a drop in the ocean, and off you go.
Dump the wounded is something you are not allowed to say, but that is precisely what happens.
A bit like people with ME. Dump them in a black hole of almost no money at all and then you say we are after secondary gains.
So I had to think of BIG fat cars, LAMBO’S and FERRARI’S and so, that you get if you say you are ill. But apparently that is not the case.
Now the fact is that after all the mental health people, sorry, all the people with mental health issues were cured, or did a runner, the psycho’s turned their attention to us, the ME people.
They thought it is not about me, it is about me. Simple and great trick.
You then get a big eraser and erase the two letters and then deny it exists.
You go to Drowning street and other places and they say, yeah, that sounds a lot better. No ME. BT me.
But even so, I understand there's to be a new psycho project next year in which we see one of the CBT professors as a young man, playing a sort of Doctor Carter from ER and chasing sick people out of the building.
GET-ing that is.
I daresay he will then turn his attention on his own lot and feed the psychologists to the dog as they are now getting malingering signs as well, opposing his masterwork and fast track to eternal CBT hood.
And then they will make a greater nuisance of themelves in various medical journals as they will be advertising for other neurological illnesses that are not understood and that we can’t cure.
But even that won’t be enough so they have already started to turn their attention to cancer, diabetes and other so called prestigious diseases in an attempt to ruin other people’s lives, just as they have done with ME patients for decades as they used the Hippocritic oat meal discount pack available only to delusionists.
Instead of the Hippopotumus one written in the dark ages by a Greek bloke who was known for using his brain.
And so the delusionists thought in a rare moment of enlightening thunder, we go back in time as well, so instead of using something flashy that will be easy to use and so, we go back to throwing stones and spitting fire.
NICE guidelines inspired by their delusional friends in a nuttershell or is it shellshock???
The big whopper from the GOBSART people wrote a letter to a newspaper about ME and he called it Chronic Fatigue.
So you see, they are really state of the quaker and oat meals.
But when you say State of the Art in CBT wonderland they think of Ian Banks and one of his books.
Apparently that is a collection of short stories spanning only three years (1987-1989) yet containing only eight stories, three of which are set in the Culture universe, a sort of Hollywood for CBT BLOKEYS.
And therein lies the problem.
You see, not only did Mr Banks not know that in 365 days you can write and publish at least 365 stories about CBT, with cut and paste, and other magical tricks invented by the Gates brother, and you just change the date, send it to another magazine and off you go.
On the way to the Nobel prize for Collateral Damage.
And then the real problem starts if you just have a look at the name of the stories.
Scratch, Cleaning Up and Odd Attachment.
And the very interesting thing is, those stories are spanning or something from 1987 to 1989. So it only took the collusionists a year or so to read the book and come up with their own version.
We all know what it is called, yes, you are right, the Oxford criteria for archaeology. The first chapter was the cleaning up part, so GET rid of ME and with GET that is simple.
If you could walk before this torture treatment, even with great difficulty, after GET you can’t anymore. So bedbound and out of sight. Mission one accomplished.
Mission two was to detach us from our “Odd Attachment” to ME as that is how they define ME.
Yes, you are right again, in delusional minds or words that is called false illness beliefs. And then the ME world doesn’t exist anymore, we don’t have a neuro disease, we don’t have a psychiatric illness, we have nothing at all, and that is called malingering as we all know to well.
Now if you use that investigative technique, available to 6 year olds, but not to GOBSART and other BLOKEYS with a professor hat, you will find the most amazing things.
Let me just quote you a few things about malingering and you will see that the CBT BLOKEYS don’t even know their own job or profession.
It is that amazing.
Just read and enjoy and be horrified at the same time. Gobsmacking bedtime reading, so here it comes.
"Malingering is a deliberate behavior for a known external purpose. It is not considered a form of mental illness or psychopathology. Pure malingering in which the individual falsifies all symptoms.”
“A medical condition is fabricated. When this occurs, the patient claims to have a series of non-existent problems.”
“The underlying motivations may differ among such persons. There may be individuals who falsify their symptoms because they believe that it is inevitable that such symptoms will arise later.
For example, an individual may state that they have symptoms of infection when not present, while they can receive compensation, because they believe that they will likely develop the infection at some future point.”
So, we don’t have ME but we are all afraid, and we all know that we will get it at some stage, so we might as well start now, many years before it actually hits us. Now how delusional must you be to …..
But, there is more and now comes the truly AMAZING part.
Yes, they can actually amaze themselves even though they don’t realise it but how can you if you only listen to yourself.
But have a read.
“People who malinger almost never accept psychiatric referral, and the success of such consultations is minimal.”
So there is NO POINT whatsoever in sending us for malingering treatment, also know as CBT, but still they collect ELEVEN MILLION, and they are awaiting another onehundredandeighty, even before they know how to play the game of darts vader. Just like they have done with ME.
And at this stage I started to be sick. You see, we have paid these blokeys during five, or god knows how many years to do medical training, and at the moment we still pay them to come up with this ludicrous, no other word available in foggy land I am afraid, ideas.
Now the interesting thing is, after reading this Banks thing, I also realise why it is such a mess in my mind.
We all have dual core processors, and I as a special bloke, have not your ordinary form of RAM business in there, no I have a big fat V10 eight liter DODGE RAM SRT.
But even that one was no match for Mister ME and his little buggers.
And this Banks man has also delivered the explanation why our RAM is such a mess.
You see, we GET malingering signals from our muscles crying out in pain, and our brains send signals back saying bugger off, your false illness beliefs are not getting access to our almighty mind, and then all hell brakes loose.
Firecrackers, nail bombs and suicide bombers are being send along our nerve paths and spinal cord to our mother boards and well, we all know the result. Total Armageddon and a total eclipse of the meltdown.
The result is worse than Harrisburg, Chernobyl and the Mururoa Islands put together.
But as we all know, that is just an illusion. A malingering illusion because my mind is no different from how it was and I can still run a marathon.
The only minute detail is, I just don’t know yet.
Too many pain signals and radioactive ME material is being thrown around the place to give me any chance of a normal life. But thanks to our beloved friends at least I know I am just imagining things.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Plainly, as the cartoon shows, the CBT BLOKEYS have been fast asleep while Mr GOOGLE and his friends invented the internet.
So when they found patients were coming to their clinics, and they had no clue what to do with them, they started going out with the boys, sharing bed time stories while drinking a beer.
And then they decided that the most lucrative invention on God’s earth was a neurological illness that you GOOBLEDIGOEKED with your magic wands so you could say it didn’t exist.
You would tell your blood brothers that these malingerers were great to boost your self created ego and your bank balance at the same time.
And if you did a good job enough job of being the world’s greatest malingerer on earth, sorry, brainfoggy taking over again, if you were the greatest proclaimer, or is it disclaimer, of malingering sods, then you would be asked to be a medical advisor as well, for anybody who didn’t want to spend a penny on people who had taken out an insurance when they were well.
And when they fell ILL you needed grounds to deny them a chance to get back on the road to recovery by refusing to pay them so they could eat and drink and pay the rent till they were well again and finally back at work.
You see, most people with ME had a healthy, sporty lifestyle before falling ill. Many didn’t know where the surgery was, let alone what their doctor looked like.
But using coming sense and thinking, hey someone has never been before, now he comes so he has a problem was asking too much of the brain power of people who had trained as a psychiatrist but were so unhappy in their jobs that they didn’t want to see people with mental health problems.
A bit like a brick layer who hates bricks, or a sailor who gets seasick if he sees his boat, or Lewis Hamilton, the greatest Rookie on earth, who is afraid that if he jumps on the brakes his McLaren will actually stop, and if he pushes the other pedal through the metal he will catapult away so fast that the CBT blokeys can’t even say MALINGERING in the time it takes him to drive to the supermarket, do his shopping and drive back home.
He is that fast.
The trouble with this ME business is that you were having a wonderful sporty life and so, and suddenly all the roads around you are destroyed by an earth quake that has gone off the RIGHTER SHADE OF PEARL, or was it the RICHTER Scale???
I do apologise but my brain is not what it used to be.
Very strange if you think about it.
You see, after school I did medical school and became a GP so I used that brain all the time.
Yes, I was one of those GP’s who never ever had the diagnosis wrong, never ever failed to know the answer to a question, and I was the one who had a one hundred percent cure rate.
I was that good.
But now with that ME thing, my brain just can’t cope with those sorts of things.
You see, we can test everything so how on earth could it be that I didn’t know the answer??? But anyway, suddenly my whole life had turned upside down, well, it had turned horizontal is probably a better way of putting it.
I had Mr Superglue applying his stuff on a daily base as he had assured me that that was the best treatment, peer reviewed, tested to exhaustion by many ME patients before ME, and it did work.
So well as a matter of fact that my brain cells were so glued up that they could not even cope with simple things like malingering psychiatrists or all knowing idiots, sorry, can’t seem to find another word than that, for people who claim to have finished medical school, but then turned their brains off, as that was the best and easiest way to make money and a name for themselves.
It is that simple, would Mr Clarkson say. You know the man from Clarkhood and putting his Lambo in Top Gear, so he doesn’t notice the traffic jams on the M25 or any other road near the Kingdom of magic wand take away burgers.
But to come back to the picture at the eye specialist, that one was obviously taken by our master of Earl Greyness, our very own 001/7, the spy with ME.
Now after his encounter with the aliens from the ME planet, his body was really smashed up and his whole dashboard, well that is what he calls his stuff, you know that wasboard thing with six cans of lager.
Precisely, our flubby bellies, well, he had six cans of lager there that were so hard of his sneaking around business, that he would just flick up his shirt and all the girls would flick theirs.
No really, if using the name Bond, James Bond didn’t work his six cans would.
And then he turned into his Earlness and well, all the girls have gone missing.
So when the psychiatrists came up with that daft idea yesterday of starting an expedition to look for the one and only topless girl in England on a cold and windy day in November, his Earlness knew it was ludicrous, but he hadn’t seen a stunner since this suggestibility got in his Martini and he had to drink Earl Grey only from then on.
And well, he was bored out of his brain basically.
No lovely dovely evenings with a different girl in this day of AIDS, something which we doctors denied existed till people started to die left right and center.
And that is what I like about medicine and doctors. There is no other occupation where you are allowed to turn your brain off and remain in office.
If you do that sort of thing with a rocking bank, you get a kick in the proverb and back side and a big bonus, sorry, you pay yourself a big bonus before you announce to the world, hey look, we have fooled you.
Now, shortly after the ambulance had taken 001/7 off to hospital when he fell ill with this exercise phobia which send his superiors in a laughing fit, as he was the champion of all Bonds in whatever discipline they could think off.
And yes I fully agree, you can only come up with the most utter nonsense about human behaviour, if you are in the business yourself, been there, done that sort of thing.
And then BELINDA, you know that friendly MESSENGER girl that comes free of charge with the right equipment so to speak, turned up.
And the funny thing is, she is quite taken aback by his Earlhood.
She doesn’t care about six cans as she can buy those in the shop.
So for the first time in ages our master of sneakyness was getting attention he was craving since he fell ill.
Many of his friends had deserted him, just like half of his family and many others as he was by now the laziest man on earth.
You see, this ME thing is a bit like a meteor, once it strikes you, it will reset all your genetic material and all your genes, especially the ones that made you into a sport loving person, and delete your brain at the same time as they are particularly fond of this ROM or RAM business in your head.
They throw it around so often that your hard disks don't like it, yes I have a dual core brain like many others, one on the left and one on the right. But if they both have been thrown around so often, they will malfunctions like there is no tomorrow, and sometimes that would be the best thing.
No you silly man, no suicide or suicidal thoughts, I mean that the best thing would be that this malfunctiioningggging harddisks starts itself up, reboots itself in computer talk and we are back to our normal self.
Now yesterday I was still recovering from yet another malfunctioning GP who was so mad at herself that she wrote an article for ME that she was mad and bad and sick at the same time.
Or did she just join the GOBSART fanclub of magic wandhood???
Anyway, his Earlness was drinking his tea when he send BELINDA on the way with this photo and before I knew it she was back with another delightful message.
This time she said that his Earlness had seen a message on his ME Agenda rapid response board that there was a GP who had just written a story in a newspaper who had actually wrote something I need to share with you.
Yes really, it is that good, tasty and delicious and for once it seems that there is a GP out there, somewhere in the UK, who uses the simple principles of a good doctor.
Use your common sense that is.
So let me quote Dr Le Fanu. I have contemplated asking him to join my network but the trouble is that he will definitely earn a lot more for the paper he currently writes for. So have a read and see what you think.
"Common sense would suggest it is unwise for doctors to claim a treatment is effective when the patients on the receiving end insist otherwise.
Yet this happens more often than one might suppose, most recently in relation to chronic fatigue syndrome, which affects about a quarter of a million people in Britain.”
He continued by stating that the NICE guidelines had recommended CBT and GET but, and there comes the interesting point,
“This policy would seem to contradict the verdict of those with the illness, nearly three-quarters of whom report that cognitive therapy has "no effect", while the remaining quarter say it makes their condition worse. How can this be?
Put simply, the experts remain wedded to a psychological explanation of chronic fatigue, while those afflicted by it know only too well that it is due to a devastating disturbance of brain function.”
So what have we got here, a great doctor who, well just read his article and send him an email to thank him, his email address is at the bottom of his article.
The interesting thing was, BELINDA had another message from our tea drinking spy.
He had done some GOOGLING, as his six year old NIECE had told him that was to best way to investigate in this day and age, before you would do other things. Recently this great technique was forgotten by a TV team that would help you to locate your long lost relative.
They travelled all over the world, no expenses spared, and then they finally found this girl’s father.
Everybody happy you would think, that is till a seven year old, one more year of GOOGLING experience, clicked a few times on Google and found the father with a few clicks just on the net.
As her family had a flat rate for her internet it hadn’t cost them a penny more then if they hadn’t turned the laptop on.
Just like this latest info from our tea drinker.
You see, he is so impressed by this business that we can measure it all, and that we have a bloodtest for every disease, even for piles, runny noses and many horrible diseases, and if not we can scan and scan and see everything.
Yes really, and so he has send me the latest scan of the brain of one of the professors in CBT hood who needed a GET fit test to renew his license to fish for other neurological illnesses.
And it is absolutely gobsmacking amazing what they think about.
Just have a look yourself and if you have to be near the MAGIC wand brigaders, well, I can only wish you all the best and good mental health. Good day MATES.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
We’re told that NICE might be under attack from more than one source.
Apparently, it’s got something to do with the psychologists, who have, in a complex way, affected ME patients in a big way as set out by their friends from the CBT MAGIC KINGDOM.
But suddenly they have started to think again and even though millions of pounds are flowing in their direction, they have now started to dispute the usefullness of CBT and GET in ME and want to use it at their own discretion, meaning only if you would need it as a patient.
So it is not only the One Click Pressure group, as that sick, sad and mad columnist in the paper called them, is seeing some sense.
Good. Because this will give NICE something to do.
And maybe it will get them back at the drawing boards, instead of sitting around all day or being out playing golf with lovely dovely good old chappies who like Cute Bikinis and Topless ladies to have a NICE day out for peer group binding instead of peer reviewing.
Already, in this period of NICE-ness, they’ve come up with utterly useless guidelines on many other subjects and so many GP’s have started to put the guidelines under their desks if one leg is shorter than the other.
Now most of the all knowing doctors won’t admit this but it is true. No doctor reads those guidelines so it doesn’t matter how much crap they write.
You see, the ME guidelines came in EIGHT different flavours or so. A summary and a summary of the summary and then a summary for patients of the summary and then a summary of the patients one for healthcare professionals and then blah blah blah.
No wonder the good old Daily Mail went on strike a few weeks ago as they did not want to deliver a tree to every doctor in the country who would then not read it, let alone touch it.
Now, the first time I came to the UK to do a locum I thought that it was very NICE and cool to call your postal services the Daily Mail.
It was only when they said I had to buy them that I started te realise that this daily business was a tabloid without a girl in her full glory so to speak on page 93.3
I was a bit annoyed when they said it was actually the Royal Mail, but in their kindness, so before I could say everything is better down here in Oz, they said they will deliver your mail as well as you are such a NICE bloke.
And then there was this silly billy woman GP in the paper who actually liked the ME guideline, well, if you read her report you quickly realise that she was a typical doctor, you know the sort, no knowledge of ME at all.
Reminded me a bit about NICE and their friends who are not home, 001/7, you know our master of espionage with ME, has assured ME that they are out in a town up North in England, having a party on the beach to see if their CBT is succesful and they will catch b..bs and topless ladies.
The trouble is, just look at the picture, they can’t diagnose ME, and they certainly can’t find a beach either.
I mean, anybody in the UK who is out in his swimming costume right now, let alone without parts of it and is on the beach, must be ripe for emergency CBT and GET.
The last to get a bit of heat in the system.
But soon, after this One Click Trial, this form of CBT, together with the other one from the guys from the magical wands, will be illegal.
The latest wheeze comes from the CBT blokeys who are concerned that they haven’t released a new article in the last few days yet. Top of the POPS is on red alert and even MTV has put their program on hold till a new and exiting one will be released so we can all go to court and sing with our beloved friends the latest tune that we love so much that some people at the GOBSART Institute want to turn that into the new National British Anthem.
And over half of the doctors interviewed in a recent survey still said they have no clue what ME is , let alone that they could make any sense out of the GOBSART ME guidelines, and these were docs that got a week off to study the report, but they got so bored with looking at a report that ignored all medical evidence and other state of the art stuff, that many were saying it was like going to war as a Knight in shining armour, because you didn’t look around you to see that we actually have tanks, guns and other modern stuff.
So instead of reading the guidelines these docs were off to CBT Wonderland for a week of GET and other fun stuff they have to offer anybody who is daft enough to wlan through the door.
But this isn’t to bad if you are healthy and don’t mention ME, because then all hell breaks loose.
Because, and I want to make this absolutely clear, your idea of a good time and a nice run or so, is very far removed from any CBT blokey who are afraid that exercise might ruin their CBT plans, so they invented the exercise phobia theory.
You see, if they project their own problems on us, and use a bit of CBT gravy all doctors will thinks that we are lazy buggers who thought, uhum nice this ME, lets have a double dose before it is sold out.
Two years ago they said ME and ME and ME equals nothing. Weeks later they changed that into Malingering, and even if you scrabble like there is no tomorrow, ME and Me and Me will never make malingering, but if you have failed your literacy and your maths tests in school there is no way you will notice this minute detail.
And for months they said the same and he same and the same and this goes on till we all believe it.
Even people who were fit and well and so before ME took over started to think, I didn’t like running, I didn’t like the game of Federer or Nadal, I didn’t like Christiano Ronaldo if he puts his turbo on, I didn’t like going out for a meal or a night out with friends or so.
That lying in bed thing is so much better that well, who would want something else.
And then that Lightning thing struck again, together with Mr Nickel and Dime and his Magic wand friends who sell the same thing under a different name, and a doc with a sad and mad brain started to talk as if she never learned anything in med school.
No really, even if you can’t read better than a six xear old you will know that using GOOGLE and searching the internet is a requirement these days.
In the past I would spend a whole afternoon looking for an article in the library and I was lucky if I found it and the librarian would be able to get hold of the magazine with the article in a week or three, four maybe.
Now you click, click and click, even my arms and my brain can now do it, and hoopla there you have the canadian, the south australian and psychiatric guideline all in one click.
You see, just go to SACFS, Australian obviously, sorry folks, and the whole wide ME world is at your feet.
I will put all these brilliant guidelines on ME BLOG another time.
Power is zapping out of my arms and my brains is going into Chernobyl mode.
Oh, and thanks again Mr Clarkson for your help on a drooling, sorry drooly Sunday.
Oh, and I almost forgot, if you want to have a bit of fun at the end of this Sunday then just click on JEREMY'S PICTURE
and you will be AMAZED........
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
What happens if the top dogs from the CBT KINGDOM go on holiday???
They discuss other possible options for their Choking Brain Treatment. And it is amazing what they have come up with. Absolutely amazing.
Even their mates, you know, the old chappies from the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, are jealous of these exquisite ideas.
But they have announced that they will write their next GUIDELINE for ME, in the same place these TOP DOGS went to, to get the necessary inspiration without too much perspiration. And who can blame them.
Even I get jealous watching this great idea from a great place on our planet.
But as soon as I can walk again, I’ll be on my way to go there as well. Why????
To get new ideas for the Dr Speedy guidelines on whatever.
Because in the very near future I can walk again, and ME will be properly treated.
Or is that a dream for the next few years, old chappies?? It is your choice to either help some people out, or earn a lot of bobs yourself.
Do you want people to get healthy again, and back at work, or was that not the purpose of your outdated guideliner???
Everybody who has been visiting my site, who has been sending me emails, and leaving comments on my BLOG. Thank you very much.
And you know what, old chappies, it doesn’t CURE ME or so, but it is VERY good indeed to keep my spirits up, and give you guys time to rewrite your silly manuscript and submit a proper one.
Something useful this time perhaps??? Just a thought guys, just a thought.
Now I don’t actually know if there would be any literary agent interested in notes from the past, notes form the Middle Ages, that were outdated before we could actually print books.
So let alone in this day and age of the mobile phone, a handy, that is not a handy man BLOKEYS, but one of those handheld phones you can use anywhere and everywhere on this planet.
Well, unless obviously you subscribe to the GOBSART telephone company that doesn’t have any hotpoints or other ports of call.
No not XXXX points of call.
And for those of you who don’t know this sort of interesting detail, XXXX is an old AUSTRALIAN JOKE about BRISBANE.
If you ask ME, Brisbane is a lovely city, beautiful river and BEACH almost in the middle of town. A fantastic Museum of old GOBSART stuff.
The last time they had an expedition about, ooops, brainfading again, that is an exposition about the animals that were still around when the GOBSART Institute was still state of the art.
Exactly, I am talking about super REX and all his other DINOSAUR friends.
But anyway, just ask an Australian, not one from Brisbane about XXXX and he won’t think what you think. No adult stuff or so that is spamming my BLOG and has meant that you are now not allowed to put your comments on there anymore without me rewriting them.
No seriously, it is a shame that spammers are putting a spammer in the wagon. But thanks everybody for still commenting.
XXXX is what AUSSIES will say if they ask how people from Brisbane spell BEER. As their beer brand is called XXXX. So not Of Course Light, Old Broken Hens or whatever.
Yes, you were thinking about something else, something tasty, something exquisite, something so out of this world that I can show any picture of any horrible shooting, bombing or anything else, but if I would now place the following video on this BLOG, people will start to moan and shoot, sorry, shout that this can’t be done.
And it is only a video about guys thinking about girls going top less.
Now you see, I didn’t say they were topless, that is what you thought.
But on another spammer, what bloke would want to be superglued to his bed, if he could be on holiday and enjoying all those beautiful things in our world.
You know, girls, fast cars, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, girls, fast cars, fast cars, and girls.
But no, we are enjoying, so I am told, this bedbound thing.
Our beloved friends from the ME promotion team have actually stated that we have waited our whole life for this life fulfilling thing to come by and stop at our door so we could take a bite and think, how lovely.
How adorable, how sexy and how so utterly amazing better than being out and about, being at work, going for a run, playing with the kids, driving a NICE car before all the petrol is gone.
But no, my suggestibility part of my brain, somewhere on the left, go straight on, take another turn, left that is, right at the end of the ventricle, and there you see a sign, parking for ME only.
So please take note, old chappies from the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, and you TOP DOGGIES, with your CBT is best banner, on your houses.
I couldn’t agree with you more, Cut Back on Talking, absolutely, no more talking therapies for neurological illnesses.
But don’t despair Old Chappies, maybe CBT will work for growing organic TOMATOES, you know, instead of using pesticides, we talk the bugs to death.
What do you say, great opportunity, and after using CBT for a neuro disease, this new challenge is A PIECE OF CAKE???
I couldn’t agree with you more.
Now, 001/7, for those of you who are new to this BLOG, that is our 007 who fell ill with ME and who can now only work in spyland, a sort of Disneyland for people with handguns and other toys, one day out of seven.
So you see, that is why they call him 001/7 at ME-6.
Now ME-6 is the cellar below the cellar of MI-6 so if you go there you won’t be able to find them. But in spyland that is a good thing I am told.
In ME-land that means we are malingering sods, because the little buggers that cause our loveliness is theirs, sorry there, but we just can’t find it.
A sort of 007 bug.
Anyway, our master of KGB hood, these days he is more of an expert in empty bins, you know, those left behind by that bin man from the sandpit full of oil, found this video of the master of the magic wand brigade discussing other topics.
You see, they have conquered the Mental health world, all the patients with depression and so in the UK and in the Netherlands, where they have another CBT MAGIC KINGDOM, are cured.
So they had to find new adventures.
First they decided that the Gulf War veterans who went on this fighting thing, as the fittest blokes on this planet, were looney bins when they came back.
And they were so looney, that they were sane.
You see, apparently it wasn’t a physical illness but neither was it a mental health problem.
There was no bloodtest showing anything, so they were healthy.
Well at least in delusional minds.
The funny thing is, these soldiers, maybe we should ask them for some advise before we take the GOBSART boys to court, actually won their court case and now we actually have Hospitals for Gulf War syndrome.
And the great inventor of ME-hood, who denied the existence of the Gulf Region, is still the great inventor and now says he knows it all. Always did and always will.
The thing I don’t understand is that all patients with mental health problems have ceased to exist, they were so tired from talking to these MAGIC WAND BOYS and GIRLS that they either went in hiding, or otherwise emigrated to Australia.
As we all know, here in South Australia we still have common sense, just like they have in Canada.
We actually know that Mr Vint Cenf, you know that GOOGLE man, has invented something called the net for Inter fans so they could watch their favourite soccer team even if they were abroad and not in Milan or elsewhere in Italy.
So the BLOKEYS got bored and they discovered a whole world outside mental health.
Neurological illnesses, sandpits, and they got, or is it get ELEVEN million POUNDS only for talking and boring us to death.
But apparently the Brits love this talking business so much, even though there are no mental health problems anymore, that they are spending another what is it, ONEHUNDRED AND EIGHTY ON TALKY TALKY WISHY WASHY NONSENSE.
Now please help me out, but I always thought that onehundred and eighty was something you shouted if a bloke with a beer in one hand, a few tattoos on his arms and a belly, was throwing arrows at you.
And you know what, I actually enjoy this throwing business.
I have tried it myself and the red gigantic bits on the board are so tiny in reality that you hardly see them, let alone hit them.
So how on earth these guys manage to hit them is beyond me.
Now, we from the Dr Speedy BLOG did actually perform a trial that was okayed by the ethical committee chaired by Mr Darts Vader.
He said, before he was off to be in another George Clooney project, lets do it.
So we bloodtested these tattoos, and we tattood the guys who couldn’t hit the board. Interestingly enough, the tattoos were fine, bleeding a bit but otherwise fine, and the bloodtests showed nothing spectacular at all.
Well actually, they didn’t show anything, even peer reviewing didn’t help.
No really, so there is no way these tattoos can hit the board, let alone get the ONEHUNDRED AND EIGHTIES.
But to come back to 001/7, he did send me this video, BELINDA was really cool, and kind and sexy, and was our MESSENGER again.
As we are getting closer to winter, well at least in your part of the world, we told her it was alright to put her coat on and wear her Eddy Jordan costume only for ME blokes in Australia so we still have something to look forward to.
You see, one visit and one kind word by BELINDA does more good than a thousand visits to a CBT fanatic with no sense of humour at all.
You don’t believe me do you, well the next time you go just tell them that CBT is just as handy for ME as it is for forecasting the weather.
And you’ll be amazed that they get really offended if you tell them their talky lightning fast thunderbird therapy for a neuro disease is well, silly really.
Now as a GP, I have had the pleasure and the great fortune that I have never treated a patient who then came back for a review and said, look doc, but those pills didn’t work, they gave me a headache, stomach pain or whatever.
Because if they would have I would have gone beserk and send them straight to the KINGDOM of TAKINGHOOD. Sorry, TALKINGHOOD.
You see, one slip of the finger, mind is starting to come back, funny sensation, and my thinking keyboard is joining in as well.
So thanks BELINDA for being our MESSENGER again, and I would say, watch and enjoy. And remember, enjoy your holiday as well, away from silly patients who dare to ask professors, and old chappies from the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, some critical questions.
That wasn’t what you planned, when you became part of this exclusive club, where you must sign on the dotted line, when you join that is, that you turn your brains off.
Because too much knowledge, not only slows the process down, it also makes your heads too heavy. Or so I’m told.
And that is putting you at risk of shutting up and doing what we pay you to do.
And what did Mr Stuart Woods say in his book, Two Dollar Bill???
“I found out by doing a Google search, an investigative technique available to any six year old with a computer, and one that I recommend to your Junior Men.”
And why didn’t the GOBSART FELLOWS not use this technique?? Well simple, first of all they had ELEVEN MILLION reason to GET in the bank.
But secondly, no six year old works there, and if the CBT BLOKES see a six year old; who is so ill with ME, the chances are that they take her away from mum and dad.
Just click here and be amazed of the hidden truth and courts in the UK.
And that in this day and age. The inquisition is back so it seems.
Oh, but still watch and enjoy, and keep on fighting the silly wishy washy blokes.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
As You and Yours finished it’s much anticipated and in many ways enlightening week of broadcasting, it was time to GET back to business.
The Dr Speedy Show needed to be back on the road for some more MEntertainment. Well, I'm sorry, love, but it won't be.
Not unless someone from the GOBSART Observatory suddenly decides that there is whole month between the program and the next instalment.
The fact is that it took so much energy out of ME, just to put a few comments on the message board, that it will take me years to write enough material for another run of Dr Speedy and ME.
And then another couple of months to read them and read them so I am absolutely sure that no one GET’s offended and that it is still something you might actually want to read.
So trust me on this, no one has a clue when Dr Speedy will be back as a GP.
But assuming I do come back to the BLOGOSPHERE and GP-hood at some point in the future – before my superglue is dry that is, if I am lucky - my problems will be far from over.
Because as I write, some people have been so offended that I, or others, stated the blinding obvious that some of us were getting hate mail.
Yes seriously, just because we stated that by definition a neurological illness can’t be cured by wishy washy talky talky therapies.
It is that simple.
It is a bit like trying to talk the Island of Langerhans back to life so they will produce insulin again for the diabetics.
And the funny thing is, the CBT enthusiasts have actually been doing just that.
Well. At least if you believed everything it said in the Times a while ago.
So 001/7, you know our master blaster of the double world of spy hood went to see his royal E-414. And he got himself a little submarine.
He said, if the editors and the journalists are not doing their job, I will, and off he went in his submarine which basically was a sort of copy of the one you saw in that movie, yes, that yellow submarine one.
So on his journey to the Isles of Langerhans, he passed all sorts of interesting stuff. But not the kind you want to discuss with others.
So I have to keep my mouth shut as that is how he got in, in the first place.
His navigator was Major Tom and his TinTin worked pretty well, even in those confined spaces of the human body.
And they actually managed to find these Isles of Langerhans. And they were deserted.
The Sahara or the Kalahari are crowded in comparison. But he had just been informed that these Isles had been talked back to normalcy.
He even SMS’ed form the inner sanctuary to inform me that I should get the Times editor, that science bloke on the line, so he could tell him what he thought of talky talky carwashy therapy for diabetes and other physical diseases.
Utter nonsense as Our Clarkness would say.
And it appeared that no one had much of a clue what these islands should look like, let alone that they were actually as dry as a sandpit.
001/7 asked if they were sure that they were not able to produce any insulin, he even shouted at them, but there was no one there.
I'd therefore need your help.
Apparently if someone gets cured by GET, CBT, The Nickelodeon song, lightning 0.7, no that is not a special Bond or Earl Grey flavour, it is the latest version of the Godzilla Thunderbird program for your computer.
A sort of Inlook Exploder but than from the competition.
I even pointed out, with a lot of pain in my heart, that the COOL BLOGGING THERAPY and my GRADED LAUGHTER THERAPY, actually are fantastic but if they cure you, mister FUKUDA and his CBT mates had the diagnosis very wrong indeed.
Nothing new I know, but be careful when you point that out to people.
You might be a dictator, or whatever.
I, in my simple minds, don’t you forget about ME, was a great song even before this ME nation conquered my world.
I then started to search the internet and see what all these therapies were, some as others pointed out were plain advertisements, but I also came across a very old but peer reviewed and tested therapy called the Lockheed P38 Lightning.
They even handed out charts with compressibility differences between normal human beings and the one with the imagination of suggestion or suggestibility.
Some magic wand term to do with mental health problems in squirrels, our London Correspondent has discovered.
And then there was another problem.
When someone has had ME for years, as someone said on the message board, it turned out they had Lyme’s disease.
And they were happy because in general this is a condition that is treatable.
Really interesting phenomenon.
You take away their disease and tell them, look, the diagnosis was wrong, but this time round we can actually cure you. And they were happy.
I didn’t hear them say, but I really had ME.
The trouble though is that the main reason why this wastebasket problem has happened, is because of us doctors and psychiatrists in particular.
But even then, an ME expert, that is at least what the BBC said, announced that CFS, or ME, is basically glandular fever that doesn’t recover in a month or so but perseveres.
And then my ME world went upside down again.
I had loads of tests and one of them showed that I had had glandular fever in the past.
Now apparently, all ME patients are always in their doctor’s surgery moaning about anything and everything.
Or so I am told by the lovely talky brigade.
In one article this was caused because we were so lazy as a child, that even a goalpost on a soccer field was more active.
In another article by the same Blokeys we were not lazy, we were just malingering and running around until someone suggested, hey look mate, this ME thing is just great. A NICE fashion accessory you must have.
And so we all fell ill.
Now, when I had glandular fever, the silly thing is, I didn’t go to my GP.
First of all I just thought I had worked and studied to hard so I was just tired and needed a bit of a rest.
And I was right. And yes, I fully agree with this ME expert from the dark ages that this tiredness, without any other symptoms whatsoever, was absolutely the same as what I have now.
She couldn’t be more spot on.
And suddenly a lady announced that she had CFS but not ME.
And I thought, after reading her entry, this lady knows more about ME and CFS, and in particular the differences, than all these high paid so called experts.
But anyway, suddenly 001/7 appeared out of the human body with a big grin on his face.
On the way out he had discovered the only cell in the Isles that was still alive.
But it had told him that the rest of his family had been dead a long long time ago and his few friends that survived the Diabetes blast had succumbed to CBT-ism and were now court martialed as cowards.
The British Government had send out a general pardon in 2006 to the families of the cowards of the First World War who were executed as we doctors forget to tell the military that these soldiers had a mental health problem. But apparently they hadn’t, at least according to our beloved friend who is also a keen player of the ME game.
He is ranked, at least that is what he says, somewhere in the top ten or so of most influential types who don’t know what ME is.
Or does he have another idea, that brainfog thing is just so annoying.
Now, this professor is so old, he was actually there in the trenches when they were not only throwing metal at each other, but they also used some NICE chemicals that burn through your skin, eat your lungs away but you can’t actually see the little buggers.
Now, if you talk to a soldier then there is one thing they are all really scared of, and that is chemical warfare, bullets are alright, guns are fine, tanks are just big and bulky, but chemical warfare is very different.
But not according to this professor who was sitting in his mansion or his warm study with a cupper or a hot chocolate, and the only chemical warfare he knows, is when he buys a burger or anything else that is over the sell by date.
And he once wanted to run away as that was a scary experience, but as a man of the world, he could resist his urge, and so anybody who has been admitted for shellshock, not one, not twice, but three times before he couldn’t take things any more, was obviously a coward.
Welcome to collusional delusionism.
I hope the delusional workshop worked. Because this is just utterly amazing.
It is so amazing that I almost managed to walk again.
So if I was going to ditch anything of this ME business what would it be??
Well that suggestibility thingy might want to take a runner, my exercise phobia would be okay if it went on a world trip to Nowheristan, and my hysteria might do a film about lysteria.
The blue ones are actually really NICE.
And if I was going to be alright, it'd be featuring as James Bond, with John Martin as M in the movie, ME and our delusional world.
And who would want that???
Sunday, November 11, 2007
This is John Martin reporting live from London with some truly shocking news from the world of so called medicine.
British Professor C.B.T., well known for outstanding work in recruiting new members for ME support groups, has been arrested by the Metropolitan Police service for alleged medical fraud.
Police believe he was attempting to fraudulently obtain the Nobel Prize for Medicine.
And I can exclusively reveal that it was ME, John Martin who provided the police with the evidence used to arrest him.
My suspicions were aroused last week when I read a ten page article in the so called science section of The Sunday Rhymes.
The article showed Professor C.B.T. relaxing at home with an AK-47 and dressed in military fatigues.
The article went on to interview the great man and tell the British people that Professor C.B.T. was to be nominated for the Nobel Prize for Medicine.
Prof C.B.T. claimed that he had been nominated because he was the first doctor in the world to use the same treatment on two different species.
He claimed he had used CBT successfully on squirrels.
Professor C.B.T. said he first became interested in the British squirrel population, because they were "lazy little bastards" who hibernated all winter despite there being no biological reason for their behaviour.
He said the squirrels were showing signs of secondary gains brought on by the kindness of the British public throwing them free nuts over the summer months and not expecting anything in return.
"If those little bastards were made to work throughout the summer months," said Professor C.B.T. wisely, "then there is no way they would be sleeping over the winter.
They reminded me of the ME lot who were allegedly unwell till 6 sessions of CBT got them all back to working full time and taking part in martial arts competitions and joining the SAS."
Professor C.B.T. said that after only 3 sessions of CBT, a treatment named after him, the professor told the reporter of the Sunday Rhymes proudly.
The average squirrel had decreased its nut consumption by a whopping 0.0073% and were climbing trees up to 90% faster.
He denied this was because "the little bastards" were trying to get away from him.
He said that after 6 sessions the average squirrel had enrolled in university and spent November to February working an average 35 hour week rather than "sleeping in f-ing trees."
As soon as I read the article, I immediately called the Police and the Nobel committee in Sweden. I told them I had proof that Professor C.B.T. was a liar.
Although his work with ME patients and squirrels was truly outstanding, he was still economical with the truth, because the FIRST person to achieve this feat was the Australian based media mogul Dr Speedy, who had successfully used CBT (Cool Blogging Therapy) on both humans and hummingbirds.
The police then checked out my claims, discovered they were true and immediately arrested Prof C.B.T..
A spokesman for the so called British Medical Association said:
"It's worrying to know he got his facts wrong.
We're going to look more closely at the data he provided for the squirrel studies then the data he provided for the ME studies. There is a lot of money involved."
A police spokesman said "A man is currently in custody and is helping us with our enquires. He may be charged with talking nuts."
And you see, from then on things got a lot worse.
Our London Correspondent had done an excellent job and he thought that was him for the day.
But he was wrong.
You see, along came another member from the magic wand brigade, who set up camp in Drowning street, just up the road from Downing street.
He took out his costume and turned into a modern day witch, which we now call a CBT therapist, if he is of the sorts who think you can talk neurological problems back to normal that is.
Some have even started talking sessions with the chief of the Island of Langerhans.
And they have managed to talk these little islands, somewhere in your tummy, back to producing insulin again.
A most amazing feature of modern magic wand success.
The trouble though is, that this CBT bloke who set up camp, is a cruise missile of David Copperfield, Catweazle, Albus Dumblemore, when he was still in the closet, Hermione Granger, Merlin, a wizard of the Unseen University and Gandalf.
The other problem you will find with these witches of CBT is, I met two CBT witches ones who were twins - I just couldn't tell which witch was which!
But double oo one seven, 001/7, you know our master blaster of espionage with ME, who is the servant of our London Correspondent, and ME, ME-6 that is, found the solution to witch wood in one of their conference rooms.
There was a big poster on the wall and it says it all really.
“Why do witches go around scaring people? They're just trying to eek out a living.”
And all of a sudden the Four million PACE money, and the ELEVEN MILLION for witchwood starts to make a lot of sense.
Now at this precise moment in time, our great correspondent, who has been mentioned for the Writer of the Year award in science and critical journalism, was enjoying his cupper and waiting for some soccer match to start, while checking the latest news on the ME front from the good old Beeb.
And then he got the scare of his life, when he looked out of his window and saw the following picture.
It could only mean that professor C.B.T. had escaped thanks to the witch of all witches, and he was driving away with his ELEVEN MILLION to a save and secret hideaway.
Our correspondent was even contemplating a session of emergency CBT. For a moment.
And when Belinda was send to ME, I just showed our correspondent the way to real CBT hood. Just watch in utter amazement, especially the intro is fabulous, but the pictures are equally impressive. See for yourself.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I got a really interesting email from our correspondent in London a while ago, who pointed me to the CBT KINGDOM, and a workshop they were organising to treat their own species.
But before I could use it on my BLOG the BBC was so kind to turn the spotlight on ME and my BLOG for a week.
The workshop our special correspondent had spotted was called:
“Cognitive-behaviour Therapy for Delusions”
And it becomes very interesting indeed if you read what they were planning to do for their DELUSIONAL CBT BLOKEYS.
I’m wondering if the GOBSART BLOKEYS will be there as well, together with the would be LANCE ARMSTRONG, so 001/7, our special agent with ME, will make sure that this is the day he can actually work.
So he will arrange his resting schedule around this event.
Just read and enjoy, and remember what someone wrote to ME as well. He said, he hadn’t had so much fun in reading my BLOG, since this psychosocial model became the norm for stand up comedians.
So enjoy, and if you have absolutely nothing better to do, or if you are very curious indeed what these delusionists look like, go to the CBT KINGDOM to see them. Well, you can't anymore as the workshop has already taken place but read on and you will see that many actually did go.
“This workshop will cover psychological models of delusions and CBT skills and techniques for working with delusions.”
So after many years they are finally seeing, what we have been saying for years, that we don’t need CBT or any of their interesting ideas.
Now as we all know, this was classified as harassment and together with their delusional Collusionism this caused them to have abnormal illness beliefs that are so bad that they need their own CBT for a day.
“Background: Recent research suggests that delusions lie on a continuum with normal beliefs, and that their form may be more important diagnostically than their content.
Key psychological models of delusions emphasise the importance of unusual experiences in driving delusional explanations, the role of appraisals in determining delusional outcome, as well as the "jump-to-conclusions" reasoning style.”
Now if you read the guardian today, free online, I have put them in a special basket together with other things, also called favourites, you will see that they actually put a picture of all the people who went to see the delusionists, on their front page. Just have a look:
These CBT DEVOTEES, actually loved this expertly concocted publicity event so much, that they were mad enough to queue from before dawn until after sunset, in icy weather, just to have a look at these Delusional CBT BLOKEYS. (click on the picture for more info).
Now I also got a special video send to ME, that lasts about half a minute, that is a lot more effective than CBT.
And the good thing is, it is free of charge thanks to Mr You and his Tube.
Oh, and don’t forget to listen as well, as you will get some valuable CBT tips on how to cope with ME and other things.
I don’t know if you are aware but some people on the BBC message board have said they really have ME; when others questioned the diagnosis as they were cured with a nickel and a dime.
Now if you read on and have a look at one of the transcripts and what Shirley Conran said, you can have another day in the field.
A shame that I can’t get the BBC, but her comments are well worth repeating.
“Oh I think CBT is very, very good for not only people with ME, I think it's good for everybody, just as I think everybody probably needs a psychiatrist after they're 21 years old. And if you have ME you certainly need a psychiatrist to deal with the difficulties that the medical profession is going to put in front of you.”
Another great post was by Suzy Chapman, who actually put her name at the bottom of her posting, message 292 that is.
“e) Dr Gibson states that "cognitive therapy...helps". Really?”
But make sure you have a look at the splendid video above, it is GET and CBT in half a minute or so, and I am told that the cure rate of ME is in the order of 82%, just like with the advertised reversal Nickel and dime therapy, where you learn how to turn on the light.
Just read the following post and you will actually see that many of the advocates of this therapy are new born therapists trying to lure clients to their own shop.
“When the names on the list were compared with the names of the practitioners at least a third of the comments that had been posted had come directly from those working as therapists.”
At least with the CBT BLOKEYS you know what they want, you know they advertise CBT for washing your car, playing soccer, reading the newspaper, and they are very fond of false illness beliefs even for cars like this.
You see, it keeps on telling its owner I am not a Ferrari but the owner has just read the manual of CBT-ism and is now a qualified therapist in nothingness and so he has decided he has actually got a FERRARI. Now I am not a FERRARI expert, but I would think the car is right.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Maybe a strange question so at the end of the day, but do you think our friends from the malingering farm can actually help my friend out?
As you can see he hasn't got ME, but he has another major problem, and 001/7 who has been sneaking around today told me, no he reassured ME, that this is a piece of sandcake for the TOP DOG.
No car will ever complain or ask silly questions, and if he succeeds we won't say, but you didn't have ME in the first place.
I wasn’t planning to do this post, I had something else in mind.
But then I changed my mind and you will shortly see why.
I was always taught that the S-word was wrong but sugar was fine. Mercedes has tried to give us the S-class but sugar still sounds better, and the same applies to the S-max.
I stick to sugar if you don’t mind Mr Ford.
We all know that we have the f-word as well. Well, I have never learned an alternative so I had to stick to sugar.
Or be polite and say thank you instead.
However, someone mailed me a different word and I like that very much.
We all know we have the worthless London, Oxford, RCPH and other ME criteria.
But the NICE’est are the ones by, is it Mr Fukuda or is that a place??
So when I saw a post on the BBC message board, I responded to it by writing:
Your lesson will be discussed at the next board meeting of Denton CID. I have however suggested that they change the **** part in:
"Police Officer- "Why don't you fukuda off and stop wasting our time.""
And detective inspector Frost has assured me he will make sure this excellent lesson will be discussed.
He suggested to ask you to be a teacher and instructor on one of their next training sessions about dealing with psychiatrists and other mental health issues.
I hope that is okay."
The funny thing is, he responded by using the same word, and his posting wasn’t removed at all.
But anyway, I realise that the BBC webmaster is a webmaster, and hasn’t heard of all the worthless ME criteria.
And who can blame him. I hadn’t either until I was attacked by a group of suggestibility villains who used GET, CBT and exercise phobia to intimidate ME until I fell ill.
The funny thing is though if you look on the BBC message board, there is all sorts of interesting language, interesting posts advertising weird and wonderful therapies, and people who get offended if they say they had ME for many years and then someone points out that if they were cured in a day or so, by taking a cold shower three times a day for a week or a month, that they didn’t have ME, they get irate.
I would think, great I have my life back, but these people are angry because we take their disease away.
Now, if someone could take my ME away, they can wrap it, present it as the best present of all times in the KINGDOM or do whatever they want with it.
The other thing is, how on earth can you come up with cold shower therapy for ME??
If you are a scientist, or you say you are, this must be the moment that you think EUREKA, I get the Nobel prize for fantasy, or was it science???
And how on earth is a medical journal interested in publishing this utter nonsense, let alone how did it pass the editor???
Or was he playing golf with his GOBSART friends as well???
Do we live in a BIGGGG extra large GOBSART community or so???
I can’t stand on my legs for five minutes because of the severe pain, a bit like someone is sticking a thousand knives in them and pulling my muscles apart at the same time, let alone tolerate the noise of a shower for that long.
I have tried E-414’s device to put the shower on MUTE but the device doesn’t work for showers yet.
I must say I got a very interesting email this moring from 001/7, you know our double oo one seven, our former 007 with ME.
Or I should say, from his boss, ICD-93,3. She is a lady as a matter of fact, they couldn’t call her M, as that is her counterpart at MI-6, and ICD-93,3 works for ME-6.
I always wondered about her name, I mean why not just plain ICD or 93, or boss.
But apparently the 93,3 is because it took her 93,3 months to be exact to shake her CBT virus back into the Thames, or wherever it belongs.
And the ICD bit stands for her name, she was born as Inge Carla Denise and her parents insisted on using ALL THREE names to the delight of her friends, her school and Inge Carla Denise herself.
How could they know that she would GET-ICD 93,3 LATER on in life???
Actually, now you mention it, her father was the great grandfather of Albus Dimblebee, who was the grandmaster of wizardy in the times that Albert Potter was still a seed in the ocean.
So he did have some magical wand visionary powers.
And if he would still be alive, he would be the man in charge of the kingdom created by ME and UHUM.
UHUM is a large insurance company, not to be mistaken by UNUM.
UHUM has the strange philosophy of helping their clients when they fall ill.
They are not master blasters of malingeritis, a very contagious disease, spread by mouth from psychiatrist to psychiatrist on a daily base.
They don’t want to make big profits, they just need to be able to make ends meet. And it actually works.
No silly lawsuits because people who are bedbound were deemed fit to go to work and than big lawsuits costing millions of pounds in payouts.
Because whatever you think of the Americans, they love their dollars, and who can BRAME them??
Oh, and if you want to take a cold shower, COLD SHOWER three times a day that is, I would seriously contemplate the lightning therapy as well.
This is a three day course, very intense, so again, they have no idea what ME really is like, of standing on the roof of your house, or any house for that matter, in a thunderous situation.
You carry a metal stick in your hand in the hope that lightning will strike and cure your ME.
I think by talking your mitochondria, you know the Nuclear power STATIONS in our muscles and other cells, back into business. Or the viruses out of them.
Or it might also be striking them with thousands of Volt and so basically burning all foreign visitors in your cells and body to charcoal.
A bit like a BBQ where the host didn’t know that we don’t like salmonella but we don’t like charcoaled meat either.
But anyway, don’t try this lightning yourself back into life thing I just mentioned, it might cure you but it might also kill you.
If you do want to spend your money, why not spend it on the ONE CLICK APPEAL to get some sense into our GOBSART Institute of feigned Excellence.
Or otherwise donate some to MERESEARCH and Dr Vance Spence and his team. Might not cure you now, but if you REALLY have ME, nor will all those wishy washy talky therapies.
Have a look at message 177, will give you some valuable insight into the mickey therapy before you spend hundreds of pounds on talking yourself back to ME.