Doctor Speedy and ME in search of medical honesty
Maybe a strange question so at the end of the day, but do you think our friends from the malingering farm can actually help my friend out?
As you can see he hasn't got ME, but he has another major problem, and 001/7 who has been sneaking around today told me, no he reassured ME, that this is a piece of sandcake for the TOP DOG.
No car will ever complain or ask silly questions, and if he succeeds we won't say, but you didn't have ME in the first place.
I wasn’t planning to do this post, I had something else in mind.
But then I changed my mind and you will shortly see why.
I was always taught that the S-word was wrong but sugar was fine. Mercedes has tried to give us the S-class but sugar still sounds better, and the same applies to the S-max.
I stick to sugar if you don’t mind Mr Ford.
We all know that we have the f-word as well. Well, I have never learned an alternative so I had to stick to sugar.
Or be polite and say thank you instead.
However, someone mailed me a different word and I like that very much.
We all know we have the worthless London, Oxford, RCPH and other ME criteria.
But the NICE’est are the ones by, is it Mr Fukuda or is that a place??
So when I saw a post on the BBC message board, I responded to it by writing:
“Dear speedyjohnmartin,
Your lesson will be discussed at the next board meeting of Denton CID. I have however suggested that they change the **** part in:
"Police Officer- "Why don't you fukuda off and stop wasting our time.""
And detective inspector Frost has assured me he will make sure this excellent lesson will be discussed.
He suggested to ask you to be a teacher and instructor on one of their next training sessions about dealing with psychiatrists and other mental health issues.
I hope that is okay."
The funny thing is, he responded by using the same word, and his posting wasn’t removed at all.
But anyway, I realise that the BBC webmaster is a webmaster, and hasn’t heard of all the worthless ME criteria.
And who can blame him. I hadn’t either until I was attacked by a group of suggestibility villains who used GET, CBT and exercise phobia to intimidate ME until I fell ill.
The funny thing is though if you look on the BBC message board, there is all sorts of interesting language, interesting posts advertising weird and wonderful therapies, and people who get offended if they say they had ME for many years and then someone points out that if they were cured in a day or so, by taking a cold shower three times a day for a week or a month, that they didn’t have ME, they get irate.
I would think, great I have my life back, but these people are angry because we take their disease away.
Now, if someone could take my ME away, they can wrap it, present it as the best present of all times in the KINGDOM or do whatever they want with it.
The other thing is, how on earth can you come up with cold shower therapy for ME??
If you are a scientist, or you say you are, this must be the moment that you think EUREKA, I get the Nobel prize for fantasy, or was it science???
And how on earth is a medical journal interested in publishing this utter nonsense, let alone how did it pass the editor???
Or was he playing golf with his GOBSART friends as well???
Do we live in a BIGGGG extra large GOBSART community or so???
This cold shower business is another example of someone who has never ever seen a patient with ME, let alone severe ME.
I can’t stand on my legs for five minutes because of the severe pain, a bit like someone is sticking a thousand knives in them and pulling my muscles apart at the same time, let alone tolerate the noise of a shower for that long.
I have tried E-414’s device to put the shower on MUTE but the device doesn’t work for showers yet.
I must say I got a very interesting email this moring from 001/7, you know our double oo one seven, our former 007 with ME.
Or I should say, from his boss, ICD-93,3. She is a lady as a matter of fact, they couldn’t call her M, as that is her counterpart at MI-6, and ICD-93,3 works for ME-6.
I always wondered about her name, I mean why not just plain ICD or 93, or boss.
But apparently the 93,3 is because it took her 93,3 months to be exact to shake her CBT virus back into the Thames, or wherever it belongs.
And the ICD bit stands for her name, she was born as Inge Carla Denise and her parents insisted on using ALL THREE names to the delight of her friends, her school and Inge Carla Denise herself.
How could they know that she would GET-ICD 93,3 LATER on in life???
Actually, now you mention it, her father was the great grandfather of Albus Dimblebee, who was the grandmaster of wizardy in the times that Albert Potter was still a seed in the ocean.
So he did have some magical wand visionary powers.
And if he would still be alive, he would be the man in charge of the kingdom created by ME and UHUM.
UHUM is a large insurance company, not to be mistaken by UNUM.
UHUM has the strange philosophy of helping their clients when they fall ill.
They are not master blasters of malingeritis, a very contagious disease, spread by mouth from psychiatrist to psychiatrist on a daily base.
They don’t want to make big profits, they just need to be able to make ends meet. And it actually works.
No silly lawsuits because people who are bedbound were deemed fit to go to work and than big lawsuits costing millions of pounds in payouts.
Because whatever you think of the Americans, they love their dollars, and who can BRAME them??
Oh, and if you want to take a cold shower, COLD SHOWER three times a day that is, I would seriously contemplate the lightning therapy as well.
This is a three day course, very intense, so again, they have no idea what ME really is like, of standing on the roof of your house, or any house for that matter, in a thunderous situation.
You carry a metal stick in your hand in the hope that lightning will strike and cure your ME.
I think by talking your mitochondria, you know the Nuclear power STATIONS in our muscles and other cells, back into business. Or the viruses out of them.
Or it might also be striking them with thousands of Volt and so basically burning all foreign visitors in your cells and body to charcoal.
A bit like a BBQ where the host didn’t know that we don’t like salmonella but we don’t like charcoaled meat either.
But anyway, don’t try this lightning yourself back into life thing I just mentioned, it might cure you but it might also kill you.
If you do want to spend your money, why not spend it on the ONE CLICK APPEAL to get some sense into our GOBSART Institute of feigned Excellence.
Or otherwise donate some to MERESEARCH and Dr Vance Spence and his team. Might not cure you now, but if you REALLY have ME, nor will all those wishy washy talky therapies.
Have a look at message 177, will give you some valuable insight into the mickey therapy before you spend hundreds of pounds on talking yourself back to ME.
Just received this amazing new treatment protocol for ME. Absolutely Catastic.
No really, peer reviewed, tested, peer reviewed again, tested again and then it was published, well it is to be published in next week's edition of the...
Can't remember the name of the magazine now. But when I find it I will let you know.
But what I would do if I were you, and I have done the same, is go and see your Vet, as that is where you need to be.
I mean, if psychiatrists and psychologists and people without any relevant diploma's can be ME experts, why can't a VET be the preferred doctor of us all???
I mean, he is used to patients who don't talk, so he won't be using wishy washy talky talky nonsensary kingdom I love you wisdom.
So, have a look at this video, I am afraid I have no clue how to get this one on my BLOG, nothing to do with Brainfog, brainfade or fading brakes.
It is just a fact that computer wisdom was not taught in Med School just like many other things you need as a doctor.
For example, how to diagnose ME, how to communicate with patients if they have an illness yet all the routine tests available to GP's are normal.
So, learning to cope with uncertainty, a requirement to become a GP, is one of the other forgotten things in Med School. Just say the patient is a malingering loser and all be will well.
So, click on the link, and off to the VET. You see, a VET will never tell an animal that it is malingering even though all the test he has in his pocket are normal.
If an animal is ill, just like a normally healthy child, then he is ill.
Simple, you don't need ten years or so in Med School and in Doctors' nurseries.
So click and enjoy new revolutionary CBT, you'll be surprised how well it works, but I am not sure if that is for ME or against wishy washy talky talky delusionism.
Today I am just sharing another few comments from the YOU and YOURS responses and from the program itself.
One of the CBT Blokeys was on the radio and telling things like we don’t want the Canadian guidelines because we psychiatrists know it better or words to that effect.
Later he was caught off camera so to speak, a bit like, was it Bush and Blair in the past, and Bush on his own, making silly jokes/remarks while the microphones were still running.
So he obviously said that we, the patients with ME have false illness beliefs which is really nothing new. They have been saying and shouting that for years.
Not surprising though, if you have never seen one single patient with ME, nor have you got any intention to change that.
He did however try to soften his remarks by saying he never meant it that way and that his remarks were more meant for people with other diseases or words to that effect.
He also said we should reunite and fight against our common enemy, and that was ME he said.
I must say, despite my noise intolerance I couldn’t stop laughing for hours, only I had to do it silently.
But still, he just made me day.
First, he and his GOBSART friends make our lives even more miserable than ME already did, and then he has the temerity to say, we should join hands.
Should we start to sing together and so as well and sing the national anthem of the CBT KINGDOM????
Blimey.
And then there was that woman, who is blatantly advertising her treatment, that is taking the micky out of everybody with ME, as it has apparently cured her son.
Well that is obviously fantastic news, but as many others have criticised this as well, this clearly meant whoever made the diagnosis of ME got it wrong.
And when I pointed this out she became outraged. I must say, I would be happy, having my son back and so.
But no, she was furious.
And if you just think about Dr Chandhuri, the neurologist from the ME Association, who has stated many times, that of the people referred to him, with the (working) diagnosis of ME, FIFTY percent, so half of them, don’t have it.
Which is great news I would say, they might actually have something we can cure.
And if you read the rapid responses in the BMJ, after the GOBSART Institute of Excellence published their ME guidelines, yes the ones where they forgot to use the internet, or use any medical evidence or other guidelines which actually didn’t make a mess out of ME.
An American professor in Internal medicine said in one of those responses that of the people he sees with the preliminary diagnosis of ME 90% don’t have it.
So only one out of the ten he sees has ME.
I wonder if all of those people got angry with him, or were just really happy when he said I can cure you.
Just a thought.
The other one is a lot more serious, no really.
The sister of Sophia Mirza, the lady who died from ME, and it seems that the medical profession didn’t show itself from its best side, to put it mildly, has spoken out, and this is what she said:
“Yes, I do understand more why my beautiful (thank you for the compliment on her behalf and I agree with you) sister died. As far as I can tell she died from Ego's, money, power and lies.
Not her's, though.
She died from manipulation of the facts and prejudice and ignorance against ME.
She died because some Dr's ego was more important than her well being.
I have book agents interested now and because of what has been shared on this forum I have been able to give much more up to date references in the book 'Sophia and M.E'.
My book 'Sophia and ME' tells the story of how my sister died of ME.
She was not mentally ill but was treated as such. She was sectioned and forced into a mental hospital.
This led to her death. Her life is too high a price to pay for certain people's idea's, or more accurately, their wallets.”
And then I have to think again about what that CBT BLOKEY said. We should join him so he can section the rest of us as well.
What would Mr Clarkson say???? Yes, you must be NUTS. Or would the CBT Blokey now want to section Mr Clarkson as well for using this word???
After so much tragedy brought to you by the MAGIC WAND BRIGADE, it is time to see if there is any positive sort of I don’t know, oh yeah, trying to stay positive and optimistic, so time for some really funny remarks, which is all part of GLT, the Graded Laughter Treatment. To make sure we don't end up on the short site of the MAGIC WAND and its Cunning Baby Treatment.
So far GLT is the most successful treatment for ME, together with CBT, the COOL BLOGGING one that is.
Just read on and enjoy, because that is what is much needed after not only picking up this suggestibility virus which comes together with the false illness beliefs, for the price of one. So a bargain really.
Speedyjohnmartin wrote:
“tkindlon said:
“I know one young woman with ME who now thinks she's psychic"
Was this before or after CBT?
And gutsygirl wrote: “Anyone who has "recovered" through daft therapies like Reverse/Lightening/Cold Baths etc have not had M.E. as I know it.
I would love to be well again, instead of spending most of my life velcro'd to my duvet! But I’m wise enough to know that there are "money making bandits" out there preying on the vulnerable with their hideous assortment of "cures?".
This "bedbug" will not be tempted.“
And so the sage and the fight against ME, the one to GET better and get our lives back, is still hampered through selfishness and narcistic efforts by the CBT BLOKEYS, who have a very different agenda themselves.
MONEY MONEY MONEY as ABBA already sang many years ago.
So time to share a thought by one of my favourite cartoonists, which is putting the CBT Blokeys back in their cages. Back where they belong I would think. Chop chop, off you go as Mr Frost would say.
Enjoy the world of ME as brought to you by Dr Hans-Michael Sobetzko.
Oh and this time if you click on the cartoon you should get the English version as available on the investinme site. I just copied the wrong link yesterday I’m afraid. Although that was pointed out to ME and I have now rectified that.
It is really not surprising that our beloved friends have no idea what ME is.
They do a series of training sessions for GP’s and have a bloke saying he is tired all the time, or TATT as that is called in GP land, but he is presented under the banner Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Yes, really, check it out yourself if you are bored to death that is.
TATT is what we dread as doctors as we hate this nonsense talk.
Yeah really, that is what we are trained to think. Keeping an open mind and so, what a waste of time and energy.
I have copied their BORED TO DEATH banner into this BLOG and it is really interesting if you read what it says.
Their wording on the left is “MANAGING Chronic Fatigue in Primary Care,” so by your GP that is.
And there you see what we have been saying all the time, they see patients with chronic fatigue and call that later in their many many many articles Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Next to it is a picture of a Bloke who is clearly depressed and then it says: “Training Physicians in Mental Health Skills Series.”
But the NICEst thing is to the right of this, where it says “DEMENTIA.”
I must say I love this, I really do. Tiredness selling as CFS or ME, and then putting dementia on the agenda as well as a nice hint of what they really think of us….
However, just reading some of the responses to the You and Yours programm on BBC FOUR about ME, I found some really NICE comments.
Let me mention a few, I will have missed many because there is just too much information, which I just can’t read with a brain that still has problems processing information like I could in the past, but just read and enjoy.
Oh, and comments like I have been cured by standing on my head three times a day for a month, to GET some blood flowing back to my brain and other interesting therapies I won’t mention here.
If people are cured by these therapies great, but then they didn’t have ME in the first place. It is that simple.
“Remember - This is a training video for GPs! No wonder people with ME have a hard time with being taken seriously.”
"White man speaks with forked tongue."
“Psychiatry has as much relevance to ME as it does cancer. I.e. very little! I am afraid these psychiatrists have made a career built on ME and they obviously refuse to let go and admit the world now realises it is a physical illness and not ‘all in the mind.”
So much of our precious energy and money is spent trying treatments incl "every crackpot alternative treatment".
'Its difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.' Quote by Upton Sinclair.
“This made me think of doctors paid by insurance companies etc.”
Oh, and I have a really nice quote from Mr TOMMY COOPER himself. You never know, our beloved friends might even learn a thing or two from the master of understatement.
“A woman tells her doctor, “I’ve got a bad back.” The doctor says, “It's old age.” The woman says, “I want a second opinion.” The doctor says, “Okay – you’re ugly as well.””
I just received an email, you know one of those you didn’t ask for, but I must say this one was very tempting indeed, and I almost forwarded it to our beloved CBT BLOKEYS, so they might update you know their non existent knowledge and be up to date for a change.
It started by saying, “Don't you think it's time to update your antiquated ME knowledge with the latest software and applications from ME best of the best?
We have hundreds of applications now available from some of the greatest software companies.
Whether it’s the Canadian Guidelines, the South Australian ones or the Dr Stein guide for psychiatrists, we have them all, and all free of charge.
This should be off interest to your friends in the CBT MAGIC KINGDOM, so you might think of forwarding this email, or otherwise you might use your friend, and great helper, BELINDA MESSENGER.
You see, it can’t be a coincidence that Mr Eddie Jordan, who was not only the boss of an F1 team who mixed fast cars with sex and rock and roll, but he was also the one who introduced our BELINDA to the PADDOCK.
No wonder Mr HOTmail is using her, to run around the world delivering our messages as fast as she can.
But even the Eddie and Belinda treatment doesn’t cure blokes with ME.
Apparently more than half of all the ME patients are ladies so in the delusional world another reason to think ME is spelled hysteria.
Apart from that, hysteria is NOT a diagnosis anymore in the psychiatric bible called the DSM.
I have also noticed, after doing a lengthy and very expensive trial, the results, peer reviewed that is, will be published in the Journal for the HE Man, that all those woman always complain about labour pains and so and if you think about it this must be hysteria as well.
You see, the people from the Dr Speedy BLOG have done a telephone enquiry asking twenty thousand fathers about labour pains and NONE of them had had any.
So clearly, this labour pain is another expression of this hysteria phenomenon.
We also did a survey to see how many men had suffered from hot flushes and mood swings and again the results were staggering. Again NO BLOKE had ever had them.
So I must say, and now I am giving you a sneaky preview of the outcome of our survey, that CBT is really best.
Well, the COOL BLOGGING THERAPY that is.
I know it doesn’t cure you, but the other CBT doesn’t either, so can I have my FOUR million for my TRIAL and ELEVEN million for my COOL BLOGGING THERAPY please.
Oh and one final note, I have become some sort of SOBETZKO cartoon addict.
And I have also found the one that I wanted to share with you earlier.
If you see a delusional collusionist, just send him this one so he can update his RAM and ROM by deleting the non existent knowledge and checking this one out.
Thanks Dr Sobetzko, much appreciated. If you want to see the rest of his work, just click on the cartoon.
Some will kill for money, some will die for love but only one man has the strength to fight for ME. Who is the Spy who loved ME?
While looking through the bondosphere, I stumbled on an interesting post today. Here’s a quick excerpt.
Bond 22 was the working title of the fine, futuristic and sensational new Bond film.
You would think, if you see the REAL title, that The Spy who loved ME, that it is a remake of the old Roger Moore version.
But it is not.
It is new, it is dynamic, it is supersexy, superbond and typical Earl Grey at his best, as his royal Highness of Earlwood.
It is much more a sequel to the 2006 film Casino Royale, which rebooted the Bond name like tomorrow never dies.
Obviously his Great Craigness is back in his full glory, maybe even without his shirt, on occasion, and he will either play 001/7 or 007.
The producer, Benjamin Cauliflower, hasn’t decided yet, and much depends on the fabulastic screen writing capabilities of John Martin, who has excelled so far as the London Correspondent for the Dr Speedy BLOG in his search of honesty and fairness, just like James himself always does to such greatness.
John is not new to the world of screenwriting, as he has done many production before.
Most of you might not recognise his name, but he has written many great scripts before, and he was the master behind succesful films like WHAT ABOUT ME? and Don’t you think about ME anymore??
To name a few.
But his most illustrous contributions so far have been
and his most succesful film ever:
Which recently received raving reviews in many national newspapers in the UK and abroad and was the attraction at the famous film festival in Harley Street, London, where it received the Golden CBT award for best psycho drama in the Hitchcock category.
This time though 007 does love ME, and it makes a big difference, as we can all tell you. Will I give you the chance to have a quick look at an extract of John’s amazing work??
Well, no… not this time.
But you better stay tuned, because I have seen it, and it is not only fabtastic, but also well on its way to a Granny, an Oscar, and also the Nobel prize for Science, Talking, Literature, Chemistry, Peace, and obviously MEDICINE and ME.
It is that fabulastic.
Even his Fleminghood, would never has guessed that Bond would be this good.
So go see it, it will be exactly what you are looking for.
The best advice therefore, is to stay tuned for more, and check it out!
And keep your diaries free for the premiere of this Best Bond EVER.
It is so good, that we will actually invite the CBT blokeys and their GOBSART friends, as well, for an afternoon session, as they still have to go to bed at seven when mummy says it is bedtime.
But we don’t want them to miss out on his Earlness and Craigness at their best, and we like to share our evidence based peer reviewed movie.
Goodbye for now, and good mental health if you have to go anywhere near the KINGDOM.
This is John Martin reporting live from London for the Dr Speedy broadcasting service.
This morning I received a telephone tip-off. The caller could not give their name for security reasons but simply said "This is agent codenamed 001/7. I have information that needs to be worked on Speedily."
He then told me a surveillance team had been keeping an eye on a well known insurance company and I needed to check it out. This is what happened when I reached the coordinates 001/7 gave me.
I approached the building casually using some ME-6 training I picked up from watching Spooks. I realised I only had 55 minutes to save the world.
Sometimes people don’t appreciate the pressure us Spooks are under. It's a bit like having ME.
I could see there was a small dog chained to the front gates of the insurance company. It was a poodle. But I couldn't tell what type.
I observed the poodle closely and noticed something strange. Whenever an expensive car approached the building the little dog seemed timid, frightened and intimidated and could be seen cowering against the gates.
However whenever someone in a wheelchair tried to get past and into the building the little poodle would become confident, aggressive and nasty. It was as if its personality had completely changed.
Throughout the entire operation I was in contact with agent 001/7 through a hidden earpiece and microphone.
Dr Speedy knows his agents lives are in constant danger and insists our equipment is the best (unlike Tony Blair who sent our troops to Iraq under prepared, on a futile mission and equipped with dodgy gear).
"001/7" I said "I have located the building but I am unable to identify the target.
I can't put a name to the poodle" The voice of agent 001/7 came clearly through my earpiece for our commanding officer Dr Speedy always makes sure the equipment is checked and rechecked before every mission.
"John, he said "the target has been identified as the Psychiatric Poodle"
"Please confirm target 001/7." I requested "I thought you said Psychiatric Poodle"
"Target confirmed John. Please be careful it's a Psychiatric Poodle."
As 001/7 has worked with great distinction for the real ME-6 I didn't want to appear as though I'd only been watching Spooks so I pretended to know what he was talking about but quickly got out my Undercover Reporters Guide To Small Doggies.
There it was in black and white. The same colour as the poodle.
The Psychiatric Poodle my book said, was first seen in the Soviet Union in the 1970's where it would only attack democracy campaigners.
It was also seen in China in the 1990's where it would only attack religious believers.
It is also believed that the poodle was introduced to the UK in the late 1980's where it would only attack the sick and disabled.
I got back to 001/7 immediately on my concealed communication equipment. "How is it possible I asked to train a poodle to only attack the most vulnerable people in every society?"
"The reason the Psychiatric Poodle is so little thought of" said 001/7 is that you don't have to train it or issue any orders "You see the Psychiatric Poodle can anticipate its master’s wishes, and barks accordingly."
"Are all psychiatrists poodles?" I asked 001/7.
"Certainly not" he replied " Our organisation has the greatest of respect for many psychiatrists.
The Australian psychiatrist Dr Jean Lennane is no poodle, neither is the Swedish psychiatrist Per Dalen and the psychiatrist Victor Frankl was the bravest of the brave."
"What should I do 001/7?" I asked.
"I want you to go up to the little poodle and show him as much love and compassion as you can" said 001/7
"How can I?" I protested "they are attacking the sick and disabled, people like us, people with ME.”
"Look" said 001/7 "this is a difficult and dangerous job we do, but no-one said working for Dr Speedy was going to be easy.
Our organisation has been observing the Psychiatric Poodle for years and you don't have to do anything. History has its own way of taking care of this particular little beast. Just show it some compassion while it's still around."
"I'm going to follow orders and be nice to the little poodle" I said the words sticking in my throat. "I'm going to go over and show it lots of love and affection.”
"I'm proud of you" said 001/7 "but be careful John" he added "that little bastard could have your hand off."
Please remember the next time you hear a psycho babbler talk about ME, might be on the radio ACTUALLY, as the BBC is very kind to put ME and you in the spotlight on RADIO FOUR. Remember that we have moved forward so much in medicine, that we now have a blood test for almost anything and everything.
For example we can do one to see if you have a depression, if you have Alzheimer’s, a tennis elbow, DIABETES, and the first line of treatment I read in the TIMES a while ago was CBT, or was insulin still the preferred option for diabetes, I must say, I am not sure anymore.
Or many many other neurological illnesses that sometimes take years to diagnose. Because we doctors know it all, now I read that somewhere as well, but where??
Even something simple, like Celiac disease takes 5 years on average, and there is actually a blood test for this disease, no really.
And endometriosis takes a whopping NINE years to GET right.
So as you can see, we as doctors know everything and anything, and we have stopped a long time ago inventing new things, using new equipment, and so we don’t spend more and more each year on health care, to the delight of many governments and their deficits.
Luckily, otherwise we might cure some people and that was never the plan. Let alone getting the diagnosis right. It is so much nicer, really, to call people names. But different names each time so they GET dizzy just from listening to this psychiatric TOMBOLA of names, simply because these so called psychiatrists can't diagnose something so they keep changing their mind, and changing their mind, and changing their mind.
A medical TOMBOLA in a delusional way.
And I know, because after being a GP for many years, and now being in private practice I have had the pleasure of being called whatever people fancy. And the last works so much better than a real cure.
Amazing.
Why on earth do we bother to invent antibiotics, was a mistake actually, or insulin or asthma inhalers, if we know they are of no use at all.
As mind and body are one, I suggest, as recommended by our beloved friends, to treat any disease from no on, sorry that must be from now on, silly self thinking laptop, with CBT, and if you are really desperate, you will GET GET as well.
But only GET and CBT that is. So bin the medications, the painkillers, the sprays, the antibiotics, and what else there is in a pharmacy to treat diseases.
Waste of money. I love CBT, the almighty cure for delusionists, and you??
Mr Clarkson woke up this morning, having listened to a re-run of ME will be yours or so on Radio 4, and he wrote me this email, as he was delighted to see or hear in this case, that the psycho brigade have saved all the psychiatric patients, so they have changed over to neurology.
And he continued and said: “You may have noticed in recent years that the ME people are being stalked by a fleet of CBT blokeys. They look like psychiatrists with their verbal wishy washy talky talky and their magic wands. But they are not.
They are employed by the NHS to fill the gap left when PATIENTS with difficult diseases turn up and want to GET their lives back.
But as we all know, these so called helpers of Hippocrates, have abandoned the business of curing patients and have retreated to their desks for wishy washy talkie talkie nonsense, and writing article after article after article about absolutely nothing at all.
The remit of the CBT blokey is to get to the ME patients as fast as possible, ensure everyone is okay, as that is what they think ME means, clear the waiting room of ungrateful patients, and other debris, and get to their lunch or golf date as quickly as possible.
That sounds like a good idea, but unfortunately it’s a government scheme. So it’s all gone wrong.
The other day there was a small flog of ME folk stuck in the Magic KINGDOM of delusionism.
They were complaining of severe muscle pains, incredible brainfog, dizziness which I only get from sitting next to James May, when he tries to overtake a sleeping duck or snail, a few clumsy muscles, intolerance to noise, which I suffer from badly if I have to drive a normal car, and I think one of the patients had lost its job as well which gave him a headache.
No matter.
Everybody was in the right place as in in the MAGIC KINGDOM OF DELUSIONS.
All the patients looked well enough to be at work. Everybody was fine. At least that is what one of the CBT BLOKEYS shouted when I asked him what ME was.
You see, when I think of ME, I think of ME and big fast powerful cars. Preferably Italian stallions, with so much horsepower and seductiveness, that even at my age women fall for my incredible charm.
But no. The man with the magic wand in his hand decided that the patients who looked so well, were so severely ill, that all of them needed emergency CBT.
So, as you can imagine, the ME’ers were delighted.
When I got in the Lambo, and turned Radio Four on, I found out that on that one day, we had more patients with ME than with many other diseases and I therefore telephoned the NHS, which began by denying that ME existed at all.
Then it said that yes, two patients with ME had been spotted near the border of Scotland. And it stuck with this until I pointed out I had seen a dozen or two in a magical kingdom somewhere in a NICE neighborhood in London.
“Oh well,” said a spokeschairperson, “it might have been a few more than two but we wouldn’t know about that.”
What do they mean they wouldn’t know about that? Do these people have any idea how disabling ME can be? How can they think it’s so trivial that it doesn’t even exist?
The ME Association actually says that ME can have “serious effects on your family’s economy, your quality of life and [predictably] your environment”.
Damn right it can. Missed holidays. Ruined lives. Empty bank accounts. Broken marriages. Frayed tempers. And all of that is even before you get to the prognosis and uncertainty of getting your life back and doing the sporty things many ME people enjoyed before falling off the road to pensionhood.
Of course, it’s easy to see what’s happening. The CBT blokeys will have been told time and again that their stardom is the number one priority.
And that if they are dealing with a horrible illness, they should do everything in their power to ensure that CBT is the only available item on the menu.
In some cases, this means they won’t jump into a lake to save a young drowning boy with ME. In the KINGDOM, it means they won’t get out of their consultation rooms unless you have shut up, and are willing to undergo this utterly useless piece of so called treatment.
Even in the case of GET, also called Grannies Enjoyable Truffles, and you know what, I would always go for this kind of GET, as it is delicious and I know for a fact that I like it, as I have tried it, and so does my tummy.
But just read their reports. Every day a new one comes out, while six year olds can see that there is nothing to talkie talkie wishy washy treatments, other than a big fat cheque in the making.
It makes you wonder. Next time you need to see a shrink, could you escape up the embankment and across the fields with your ME? I think not. But without ME you could. I know for a fact as I have tried that.“
You are all aware that during winter months, CBT-blokeys suffer from so-called winter blues, and that is the real reason why they invented CBT.
You see, they needed something to GET them through those long dark evenings and nights. And the problem was, they thought it was way to cold to go for a run or so.
So they invented certain theories that you can only come up with if you are cold and miserable.
Other human beings would take up sports, go out with their mates for a game of bowling or squash, drink some afterwards as well, and have a great time.
A great time in the CBT twisted minds means something completely different though.
Some suffered from exercise phobia and the trouble with doctors is that once they can spell one word, they think that the whole wide world has the same problem.
No seriously. This is called the medical student’s disease.
You see, you learn about all sorts of sweetness and glorious diseases that people fight off like true heroes so you want to have them yourself.
And you start to think that if you develop a headache that that might actually be the beginning of something fabtastic. Yes, that is spelled right.
So, you just start to imagine diseases and you don’t need to think hard.
Everybody gets a cold or a runny nose, so those things are not interesting. You want drama as that is what you see on TV, and that is what the professor tells you is fabtastic.
Even more interesting if you can find this one new, ugly and horrible disease, preferably without a cure, and give it your name.
So then in a hundred years time, people will still talk about ALZHEIMER’S, when they think about CBT.
Now, I do think that there is something peculiar with this sentence, but somehow my spelling control says okidoki.
So it can’t be wrong, and we all know that CBT is ALZHEIMER’S spelled backwards, so what on earth does my brain spot that I can’t see???
If you have any idea, please let me know.
One cold night a CBT blokey was on his way to the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, but without his TINTIN he couldn’t find his way around the magic kingdom.
He was on a search for the exit, but funnily enough, they have all sorts of signs in that place, but they all say CBT or GET.
There is no way, once you are in, that they want to tell you how to GET out. It is that simple as Mr Clarkson would say.
But this new CBT blokey, wasn’t really worried a wee bit, as there were master blasters of CBT everywhere to support him, and tell him he was imagining his exit phobia.
Why on earth would you want to leave this place, is their idea of a lovely dovely time.
But as soon as this new and excitable CBT blokey started moving in the direction of the FINE and PACE trials, he entered forbidden territories, as these are so called trials which cost a hell of a lot, so much so that you would think there is enough money to do some proper research into ME.
Well we all know there isn’t.
And if you think I am the only one who fell in love with these trials then you are very wrong indeed. I have just read a few remarks on the INVEST IN ME SITE.
And they love these trials so much, they are actually thinking of doing what should have been done a long time ago…. Just shred them.
Now according to the powers that be, the following is true.
And I must say, I have now added these remarks, and these FINE and PACE trials to the script of the stand-up comedian who will use the Dr Speedy words to great effect in the WEST END in his next show, and stand up TRIAL that is FINE while he PACES himself and his audience.
Just go and see him, his lyrics are fabtastic just like his new show which you will only GET if you are FINE yourself.
“The treatments in the trial will be delivered to the highest standard by qualified nurses specially trained for the trial.”
Now how and so these nurses are trained is a mystery, and I must say, I would not want to be one of these nurses, as they are treating patients, but we all know there is no treatment, so what are they doing??
Watching reruns of Spitting Image, or TOP GEAR, when the STIG, STAG, or whatever that bloke with the Darth Vader type helmet is called, is trying hard not to crash the most expensive cars on earth, as he can drive just a wee bit better than the specially trained Misters Clarkson and May.
The last one is so slow, maybe something to do with his hairstyle, that you would think he has just read the ME manual for racing drivers.
This is an extensively peer reviewed manual, tested under extreme circumstances and highest standards of the Dr Speedy Superglue BLOG, so that will mean you can trust them.
No magic wands, no talky talky wishy washy, driving instructions, or FINE PACE driving.
But real state of the moment, or is it state of the art school, I always mix those up, guidelines on how you should start your car, put the thing in gear, and we insist that you do the same with an automatic, select the forward gear if you want to get moving that is.
But before you do so, you must make sure that you have everything you need if you go to the land of make belief, United around CBT-ism and other magical mystery tours.
This will mean you need a shed load of money to drive into London.
Well. Crawl is more the right word, but that is done by the Mayor of London to give you an idea of what ME is like.
And you have to pay for this pleasure as well. Again, a bit like with ME.
Our secondary gains amount to so much money that we get dizzy just counting and counting and counting.
And yes, CBT will help. Counting Backwards Todeloo.
But James May has come to our rescue.
If you don’t know the bloke, well, when you think that Mr Clarkson talks like he has swallowed a Ferrari F-1 car, that is doing well over two hundred miles an hour on the Indy straight. Then James May has just swallowed a snail who is asleep.
Now, you would think I don’t like him at all. But you would be wrong.
You see, he has a certain style and finesse, that most people lack. And he isn’t afraid to acknowledge the fact, that he isn’t the fastest driver in the whole wide universe.
And that is really odd for a petrol head. A bit like a CBT blokey saying that CBT is rubbish for neurological diseases.
Even on the odd chance that it would be peer reviewed, it is still a hopeless effort of delusionism.
And then some.
Now I agree, delusional minds think alike, so happy collusional delusionists enjoy your CBT in your gated community.
The best thing you could do would be to GET some GET yourself, swallow it, smoke it or just gargle it.
I am sure it will work for piles, just as well as for a sore throat, internet allergies and even delusional thoughts, brought to you by the master of delusionism, who will benefit greatly from this fantastic and absolutely brilliant nothingness.
Go Eat Tiramisu. I can assure you, that is peer reviewed by many Italians, and other food loving fanatics, and it works really well.
Tasty, lovely, and even though it doesn’t cure ME, it is a NICE treat. And so many times more effective than any psycho babble or goobledigook.
No, not GOOGLEdigook. The COOL BLOGGING THERAPY offered by Mr Google and his friends, completely free of charge, does actually work.
And even if it doesn’t, we haven’t wasted MILLIONS of people’s tax money on delusionism.
UHUM.
Oh and then there was Dr Trudy Oslo, you know that doctor who specialises in CBT for anything and everything.
I am glad to say that she had a look at the HARRIER, you know, that plane with symptoms reminiscent of ME, that from now on, you will think off every time you go for a swim in the sea, and this is what she actually wrote:
“Dr Speedy,
I am a world expert in CBT. The plane you just showed was suffering from very very low self esteem. It did not have a mechanical problem. It was basically lazy. Couldn't be bothered getting up in the air.
After six sessions of CBT I had the plane back at 25,000 feet. I only charge £600 million for my services,
Dr Trudy Oslo"
And you know what, she is right. It is just very hard indeed to say that basically we are all lazy bastards who can’t be bothered. No really.
But even if this was true, we would be running, and be world class athletes by now, trying to escape from these delusionists.
The fact that we don’t, simply because we can’t, should be enough for any normal human being with a brain that wasn’t turned off.
But I agree, a non functional thinking part of your brain is a requirement to be successful in delusionism. And after six sessions of CBT you will be a collusionist as well.
Welcome to delusional Collusionism, as brought to you, proudly that is, by the so called masters of the magical mystery tour.
Not all the details are right yet. But I can give you a sneaky preview of what is to come.
It is Bond and Beyond.
The Spy who loved ME.
It was a bit later than usual, and 001/7 was still very miserable and shaken indeed.
Not only from losing the world cup in rugby to those springbok types; but also because England had lost in Russia against their soccer team, on a green pitch which was actually made of something phony called Astroturf.
And now their chances of qualifying have diminished immensely.
Not that our 001/7 is a BIG soccer fan, but it is far better than the World Championships in knitting, or lying on the couch with suggestibility.
Even worse, the best CBT therapist on this earth is British as well, and he is a very young bloke by the name of Lewis Hamilton, you know that super fast driver at McLaren.
He was so fast, that the Spanish world champion, now ex-champ, needed all sorts, not those sweets you buy in a bag, but all sorts of dirty tricks, he accused this BIG German opponent, you know that blokey with the pointy chin, who managed to win seven world titles due to luck only, of using against him.
And at the same time Mr Alonso said, he would never ever do such things. Promise.
And see, all you need is a ROOKIE, as that is what you call the new guy on the block, in his first year, when he is still acclimatising and trying to tell the difference between the brake pedal and the throttle, between the steering wheel and a tyre, and between a corner and the straight.
Lewis was so good at it, that we witnessed an amazing battle. With a bit of gamesmanship by him and his team, ala that French blokey with the BIG NOSE, yes, you guessed it right.
That Alain Prost blokey, who only managed to become world champion four times, because he was fast and used his thinking part of his brain while driving.
So with a bit of that, LEWIS would have been our CHAMP by now, and not that block of ice, that can talk just as well, as I can walk with this suggestion thing in my legs.
But no, truth be told, I must say, well done Mr ICEMAN.
But why is this LEWIS such a great CBT guy??
Well easy, when he starts to talk, the world stops, the sun comes out even in the middle of the night, and if you have ME, you forget that you need to put up an act that you are ill, as long as he talks.
Really amazing stuff.
I have invited him to a CBT conference, a workshop they are holding at the KINGDOM, to help delusional collusionists GET over their malingering, hysterical beliefs.
It won’t be easy and it might well be impossible. Yes I fully agree.
But isn’t that what CBT is all about??? Selling HOT STEAM FRIED BOILED AIR as some sort of MAGIC WAND THERAPY???
But on this particular night, double oo one seven, you know, our ex Bond, James for people who know him, or his EARLNESS if you don’t, our very own 001/7 had dog duty.
On the other six nights/days, he is flat on his back, recovering from all his hard work, and this virus that has send his RAM or ROM, or whatever system he uses in his brain, into overdrive.
And so his wife is walking the DOG, not the top one that is, six days a week.
But this time it was 001/7, and he got very inspired before going out.
You see, he thought, I’m gonna pay the TOP DOG a visit.
It was late at night, he looked in the phone directory under TOP DOG, and found his mansion.
So he took BELLO, his dog, for his last round of the night, and to his amazement the TOP DOG was not only home. He was miserable as hell.
You would think he is in dire need of something, if you look at his picture, a Vodka Martini maybe, or otherwise some CBT, as that is more to his liking.
And it doesn’t matter if it is shaken, stirred or whatever, because as you can see, he is very shaken and stirred himself.
The trouble is, that silly workshop is still more than a week away, so what to do??
Well, for 001/7 it was easy, take his picture and let BELLO do what dogs do. Even miserable TOP DOGs have to do it.
001/7 wanted to give him some advice, you know, have a beer, go for a run, call the soldiers with Gulf War Syndrome, or even that One Click lady, who is suing you. She might give you some advice, how to deal with adversary.
But the TOP DOG was so miserable, that even our own 001/7, who is not afraid of anybody, got really really scared and ran home.
Well, it was more a big crawl, but that is just a minor detail.
And by the time he got home, his telephone rang. Mr Clarkson was phoning his Earlness.
He suggested again to send the TOP DOG to Australia, as he hasn’t seen him on TV, CBT-ing the Middle East back to a healthy, peaceful lifestyle.
He did mention though, that he recently wrote about people moving away from the UK, and he had to think about that article when the name of the TOP DOG and his DOGINA flashed up on his screen.
“The fact is, I’m afraid, that anyone who emigrates from Britain, he said, no matter where they end up, is a bit of a dimwit.”
And well, 001/7 didn’t know what to say. He knows I don’t want those CBT BLOKEYS here down under, but he was starting to see Mr Clarkson’s point.
Even more so, when Mr Clarkson said, “Alarming news. It seems that all the world’s clever people have gone missing. We know where the stupid people are. They’re in London, or they’re on the GOBSART panel, or they’re editing CBT articles which equates to playing GOLF and doing nothing at all. It is that simple.
On Thursday, for instance, two doctors announced that they felt wonderfully glamorous, as they had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and not with ME.
They also found that you could only come up with this, and CBT nonsense, if you had spend your childhood in medical school, listening to psycho gobbledygook and other bedtime stories.
In the whole of human history, nobody has ever woken up and thought, I have a wonderful family, lots of money, a great job and an active social life.
I shall therefore want a glamorous disease for my next birthday, or worse, a very disabling non-glamorous one. One that doesn’t even exist.
At least to the TOP DOG and his DOGINA, who are so afraid of non existing things, and a question or two, that they need protection against people who can’t walk, stand or run, and are bedbound 24/7.
Australia is where you go when you’ve made a mess of everything. That’s why the 1.3m Brits who live there are known as whingeing Poms. Because they’re all failures,” Mr Clarkson concluded, so really the only place to be for our beloved friends.
But he said, he will contact the Americans, who are actually thinking very hard about using the TOP DOG and his Challenging Bayonet Training for meat processing.
As they now have smart weapons to fight their wars against terrorism and so, like STEALTH, incredible, almost invisible bombers, VTOL (Vertical Take Off and Landing) planes, as big as a soccer field, and Cruise Missiles that cruise well over the speed of sound, the sound of the DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS, singing their beloved songs, that is.
It became very clear to the Americans, that this so called MOD ADVISOR, was still fighting with swords, daggers and other outdated material. And Mr PAVLOV shouted ME and GOBSART at the same time for unclear reasons.
But to Mr Clarkson, this swords and dagger talk, still sounded way to aggressive and so. Something that Bush fellow, he thought, likes very much.
And 001/7 agreed, what else can you do when the car man himself, the big man from TOP GEAR, tells the world how things are.
And then it dawned on 001/7, the TOP DOG is just jealous and wants similar adoration from us, the ME population, as Mr Clarkson gets from petrol heads and other car fanatics.
And he is right, well that we will never ever adore him that is.
Unless he succeeds in the sandpit in the middle east, and give the people there peace and a nice life.
Otherwise I can assure you, Mr Clarkson has a very NICE surprise for him indeed.
A Cunning Big Treat for the TOP DOG. Very cunning indeed.
But first, we will GET some help from the Americans, 001/7 has assured ME. Whatever that may mean.
And then BELINDA, you know that MESSENGER GIRL, ran in to my room and showed me this picture.
So it looks like LONDON is in for a treat any minute now.
An American HALLOWEEN trick and treat surprise you might call it.
In the past that treat was spelled V-1 and V-2, and they were not very pleasant indeed.
A V-22 though is different baloney. It is gobsmacking unbelievable, that they can actually make something like this.
I am in absolute awe. If only I had an engineering brain and could come up with a helicopter plane like this.
Now the only thing we need, is a cure for this suggestibility, so I can have a look at this creature in real life. But for now, off to the Middle East and give them PEACE Mr TOP DOG.
Would be much appreciated. Must be a piece of cake, sand cake in this case, for a GULF WAR specialist with special powers like you.
Oh, and don’t forget your magic wand.
In case you need anything else, just email ME, and I’ll ask this brilliant BELINDA GIRL, to come and be your MESSENGER.
Oh, and one last piece of advice, don't call yourself ALBUS DUMBLEMORE, you know the master wizard of Rowlinghood.
You see, his Rowling-ness has just told everybody that he has finally come out of the closet and that he is, well gay.
Now, I have no idea why that is important in wizard land, but in the Middle East it might cost you your life.
You see, not everybody there has thrown one of the previous editions of the PSYCHIATRIC handbook from sixty odd years ago, that DSM thingy that you still use, out of the window, and so not everybody thinks that gayness is flavor of the month.
Some might even think about a stone or two. Worse, they might actually throw them at you.
So remember, you might be a magician with magic wands, but you are NOT ALBUS of ROWLINGHOOD. Understood??
LIFE with this suggestibility virus has become very interesting I must say.
Some even think that being able to write one BLOG a day, WHILE LYING IN BED, means you can do your work as a doctor in a busy GP surgery.
And I wish they were right.
If you read my BLOG you will notice I make mistakes.
Some are just plain silly, some I wouldn’t make if my brain was functioning at my usual level because then I could reread my BLOG properly and some I could filter out with the spelling control.
But the Blogger one doesn’t always wake up. Or on other occasions I just forget to use it.
But before you can see why going back to work is impossible at the moment; unfortunately that is, let’s have a look at what I can do at present.
I have to wait till the house is quiet, and go downstairs to get something to eat. But when I have managed to get down the stairs, which is even worse than going up, I have to lie down for an hour before I can sit at the table and eat.
Then I have to lie down again, and so every hour or so I get up, walk the few yards to the toilet and/or the kitchen, and then I need to rest again.
Depending on if I have to climb the stairs once or twice a day, the last will have me in the most amazing pains for days, I can also walk a few yards outside.
But all in all, I am lying down about 23 out of 24 hours. Maybe even more. And that seven days a week.
So there you have me, Mr Superglue.
So if I get up in the morning in my current state, and get ready to go to work, well, by the time I am downstairs, I need to lie down for an hour.
I still need my breakfast and then I need another hour before I can do something again.
If I would then go to work, I would not be able to get there, as I simply can’t sit long enough to get there.
Furthermore the traffic and the car etc are too noisy. And I don’t have enough strength and power to do it all.
And then there is the problem of actually walking from the car to my consulting room. Even sitting in a wheelchair would be impossible as I can’t sit.
Doing a consultation lying down is difficult, even more so, as I always have the laptop volume in the mute mode and a surgery is a noisy place.
Then there is the minute detail of seeing patients. Children might be boisterous etc. But it might also be someone with a back problem, and doing a hip examination or a straight leg test are impossible as the leg is too heavy.
Then I need to write a script, but we have this old fashioned printer, noisy as there is no tomorrow, which likes to eat the prescriptions instead of printing them and spitting them out.
But even a modern, new state of the art printer would not solve the problem of sitting, getting there etc.
I can’t walk away or so from the noise, and I can’t sit or stand long enough to take a history and examine a patient with whatever problem they present.
To be able to go back to work, my noise intolerance needs to be a lot less, and I need to be able to sit for more than five or ten minutes. It is that simple.
But apparently, all that it comes down to, they tell me, is my motivation.
Or I should say, a lack of it. Yeah right.
Would they say the same if someone with MS can’t walk or stand?? I know they used to…
Have I given up hope that one day, soon I hope, I can go back to work???
No absolutely not.
But now is just impossible. Just like driving a car, which I actually love as a petrol head. And I know there are many new and exiting cars out there which I would love to see for real.
But all I can do at present is remain optimistic and use my COOL BLOGGING THERAPY, and my GRADED LAUGHTER THERAPY, to keep my spirits up.
Together with help and support from others, and supporting emails and comments, as I can’t even do my own shopping etc.
Not to mention the fact what sort of impact it has on my loved ones.
Really nice this suggestibility virus.
But there is hope and help is looking very good indeed.
Double oo one seven, 001/7, our master of espionage, who works for ME-6 as you might know, has a friend in the basement of ME-6, who listens to the elusive name of E-414. Yeah, my first thoughts were of artificial colourings and so as well, but apparently he is the main ENGINEER at ME-6.
At the moment he is working on a remote control with an i-pod sort of thingy build in. Not to play music, but to make life easier for people like ME. You see, the idea of the device is to be able to shut people up.
Not in the licence to kill sort of way, but by just hitting the mute button almost all sound will disappear and everybody will be quiet. Amazing technology.
But E-414 has more interesting features in this remote which is still in the early stages of design, he has told ME.
The device can also work as a sort of time traveller, so travelling to and from work will take a few seconds, instead of half an hour, an hour or even more, depending on where you work. And so that will dramatically reduce the time I waste sitting, which is near impossible right now.
Furthermore E-414, is hard at work to make this device so good, that even CBT magic wands stop in mid air.
Better still, it will help to find the cause and hopefully a cure for ME, and many other diseases, as it can do all sorts of amazing stuff.
The micro chip he uses, is so small, as these technical blokes actually keep on developing new things as they don’t understand the adagio that we know it all, and so this new chippie, is almost invisible to the naked eye, and so the days of the submarine, yellow maybe, that will float through our bodies on its way to destroy evil cells, viruses and what have you, is getting nearer.
E-414 also informed ME why the GOBSART fellows don’t like the Internet.
E said, it is very simple. You see, they think a search engine is to search for lost property, and they are of the opinion that that is not the case with ME. And for once I was going to say they are right… but they aren’t.
You see, I have lost my health, so I would classify that as a lot more than lost property.
Apparently they don’t like GOOGLE, as they think we call them that, and that means bananas if you think about it.
The same applies to that new bloke on the block that listens to the name of TECHNORATI. A sort of technical appliance that can sing. Or was that Pavarotti who died mysteriously around the time TECHNORATI started to sing his songs??
The last one they don’t like is YAHOO.
In their simple minds, don’t you forget about ME, was a big hit, many years before this suggestibility virus found its way into my system.
Their idea is that we shout YAHOO after we have seen their CBT friends. The trouble is we don’t as, well you know why.
So now they don’t want to use Yahoo. Furthermore, broadband, and all that stuff doesn’t exist in NHS land, so how on earth are they going to download a file on a normal land line??
So really, there is no way they could have known about the Canadian and South Australian guidelines, let alone off Dr Stein and her great work.
But E-414 has also told me the following, very interesting story.
No, he hasn’t made that one up, a friend of him told him that story, when he was bedbound with ME, as all people who work at ME-6, know what ME means and entails, contrary to many so called experts who walk around as if it is HALLOWEEN EVERY DAY of the year, waving their CBT wands at anybody and everybody.
“One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died from septic shock.”
Oh and for all of you who believe in exercise phobia and suggestibility, going to work, and sticking to a schedule to run a marathon, is a heck of a lot easier than being Mr Superglue etc.
Before I shut up, I want to share a comment with you, that I received via email after yesterday’s BLOG, and just read it and you will see that this COOL BLOGGING THERAPY is so much better and more cost effective than silly magic wand therapy, it is unbelievable. So thanks for the following email.
“....the journal for pregnant red ants..... that has me in stitches....as does the pic -this graded laughter therapy works a treat....just when i needed it most.”
And as you can tell from this blog today, much appreciated, just when I needed it most as well.
Don't you forget about ME, or as Mr NICE would say:
Well, it was one of those days, you know those ME days, were you think you can do something, but your body tells you NO.
In the CBT world they would say, don’t listen to your body, you don’t know what you feel, and what you feel is wrong or not there or whatever other interesting ideas they have about ME.
However 001/7 is used to listening to his body. The secret service has told him so many times to do that, that it has become second nature to him.
On this day though, he had done too much. And he was knackered. The trouble was, he was too far from home to have a rest. So what to do???
He was rolling around in pain, couldn’t walk anymore and his brain was going into mental shutdown any minute, a sort of meltdown in your head, Chernobyl, but then a bit smaller.
So he had to think on his feet. The solution was actually quite simple and staring him in the face.
He was sneaking around in the CBT KINGDOM, and part of it is a hospital. Well they say it is anyway.
They can’t diagnose things there, but they have plenty of empty beds as people with ME don’t come near the place.
So double oo one seven, 001/7, our master blaster of espionage decided to take the first available one.
He still couldn’t sleep for hours due to these non existent pains, but at least he could lie down.
When he woke up, he was in the TOP DOG’s room with golden tabs, golden whatever you want, and a gigantic picture of the man himself.
Looking down on the world as that is his specialty.
However, he had clearly been going over his photo albums from the past, but he obviously had been in a hurry to write the next episode of the ME soap, for who knows what magazine this time.
Might be the Journal for Car mechanics, but it might also be the one for pregnant red ants, you never know with this TOP DOG.
However, the picture 001/7 found was absolutely amazing, as you can see for yourself, and it explained a lot.
The TOP DOG had tried to earn himself a BOB or two, and when that didn’t work out, he invented that useless talk therapy adventure, but managed to sell it for ELEVEN MILLION BOB to his beer drinking friends at the GOBSART Institute of Excellence.
And that all, because he failed this simple question in a TV show.
Just like he failed his maths, and his literacy. If only he had managed those in the past, what a great world it would have been.
And he has told ME, the advantage of ME, the so called primairy gains, are that he can now have his customary Earl Grey, shaken, not stirred that is, in the morning with breakfast.
And with a Vodka Martini that is very difficult indeed. He tried that once, when he had met a very very NICE lady indeed.
The trouble was, after a few Vodka Martini's before TEN in the morning, he wanted to kiss the TOP DOG and his DOGINA, instead of his lovely girl for the day.
And since then, they are trying to sue him for harassment.
You see, NO ONE with ME has ever tried to kiss them before.
As a matter of fact, no one wants to kiss them at all. And even CBT doesn't help.
And that is a very strange phenomenon for a CBT addict, who even uses it to fertilise his garden. To help his son with his Maths, as he himself failed this test, which he blames on the fact that CBT didn't exist in those days. Or if it did, his parents hated it.
And Mr Freud, you know the all knowing psycho boss, from every problem is caused by a sexual disfunction, fully agrees with his adagio, that the patients KNOW NOTHING, and the psycho whatevers, are master of the UNIVERSE.
And they are right, well at least in their own delusional minds. And of course in those of their lovely dovely friends at the GOBSART Institue of Excellence and at the ALLIED HEADQUARTERS of the NHS and number ten. Yes, that little council house in Downing Street.
You see, Mr Brown had other ideas than that Blue, Black or Blair chappie, whatever his name was. But these days Brown is the preferred color in the streets near the Thames.
And on one of those days, 001/7, on his way home, walked into this Brown chappie.
No other 007's insight, or Big Muscular blokes, not even delusionists who were plugging their CBT-ism, as if it was the latest song by the COLLUSIONISTS.
With the TOP DOG as their lead sanger, in an attempt to beat Paul McCartney and his Liverpool boys to the top of the chart.
Please don't tell the TOP DOG that this long hair styling statement has been outdated since MS was renamed into hysteria. Sorry, hysteria was renamed into MS.
That bloke with the BRAINFOG was calling ME names again, and I mix things up really badly if he does so. Silly ME.
I told you about this TOP SECRET 001/7 project, that is so amazing, that THE ONE CLICK group doesn't have to take NICE and his FRIENDS to COURT anymore.
The reason why they are doing that is so simple. A bit like the ME guidelines by the GOBSART boys. That is so simple, they actually managed to GET half a page right out of one hundred and thirty or so. An amazing achievement if you think about it.
It is a bit like ALL THOSE ARTICLES from the TOP DOG and his DOGINA. About one in every few thousand, has half a page of a few sensibles things. Like the date, and his own name and so.
REALLY CLEVER stuff if you have studied so long. Well, you have spend so much time away from mum and dad that is, in the case of the TOP DOG and his DOGINA. I am told that she, the DOGINA that is, is neither a psychiarist nor a psychologist, nor a neurologist nor anything else for that matter.
Really clever that she calls herself the wow factor at the KINGDOM.
Only if you are a DELUSIONIST, who suffers from a bad case of CBT-itis, which has been diagnosed by a COLLUSIONAL DOCTOR, can you become a professor in NOTHINGNESS.
Gobsmacking tastic. And we pay her a SHEDLOAD of money to keep this non existent knowledge up to date. As Mr Clarkson would say, you must be NUTS.
Interestingly enough, many GP's in the UK have now changed the name of NICE into NUTS. And no, it wasn't ME.
You see, they can't GET UTI's (Urinary Tract Infections in kids) right, they have problems with head injuries, breast cancer, ME, Alzheimer, or is that their own problem???
I wonder, do doctors think that is a PRESTIGIOUS DISEASE as well, just like a BRAIN TUMOR and leukaemia???
And if you think I have made this up, you are very wrong indeed. Just click on PRESTIGIOUS DISEASES a few lines up and you can read this NORWEGIAN study.
And don't think they are different in Norway, as there are many doctors who have NO IDEA what being ill entails.
And this was just illustrated by someone who has been telling ME that I should work out in the gym. Otherwise I will loose my stamina.
His own idea of working out for himself, is jumping in the car and buying a NEW shirt or so. But I should work out. He knows, he tells ME in the same sentence, that I used to run marathons etc, but NOW my running gene has been deleted or so by this SUGGESTIBILITY virus.
If I were you, I would update my virus scanner, you never know, might protect you.
Someone else told ME, I used to love running. And I must say, I still find that so cute and adorable. Yes, it is very hard to imagine that the running shoes, the white ones with the blue and green, or the white ones with the black stripes etc are actually mine.
But I would still love to go for a run, and run away from all this silliness.
The trouble is, I am lucky that I can at least walk to the toilet.
But you can manage a BLOG. Well yes, I can write one a day at present, if I am lucky, and that is ME for the day. No more power in my arms, clumsiness at dinner time etc. Or this one actually took me three days.
But still, this is really great, as last year I could not even look at a computer screen, let alone write a BLOG.
And that is why this double 00 one seven, 001/7, project is so gobsmashing tastic.
You see, finally we have found a way, and a medium to tell the world what ME is like. But in a very positive way. So we don't do it the CBT or TOP DOG's way.
Which was VERY DIFFICULT indeed, as there is absolutely NOTHING NICE at all about this suggestibility, in combination with exercise phobia, if you suffer from this malingering sort of diet.
Even more so if you tend to feign your problems, sorry you tend to feign that you don't want to work, that you prefer to be bedbound 24/7. And I must say, these DELUSIONISTS are absolutely right.
Who in his right frame of mind would want to have a normal life??
You must be NUTS.
You would miss out on all these holidays in bed, all those compliments and other nice conversations at work and with patients, all that running and swimming or whatever sports you like. All those great stuff you can buy, if you had some money that is.
Not to mention doing normal stuff with the family. Why on earth would you want a family and then do things with them?? You must be delusional if that is your idea of a great life. Or am I missing something here??? Just like those DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS????
Yeah, why would we want to be well, and shed our malingering, if we can have such a NICE life lying down 24/7????
But you are right, 001/7 is coming to our rescue, and he has found a few old friends in the service, who wanted to help out with some great publicity stunts. Really amazing stuff.
You see, this friend of 001/7, has been telling his bosses that his machnery is NOT WORKING WELL.
And as good bosses do, bit like doctors, they didn't believe him.
They just had a few lessions from the TOP DOG, who advises the MOD about anything from dogs and their whatever they do in the evenings to helicopters and war regions, you know the Ministry of Defence, so they decided this friend of 001/7 was NUTS.
But as you can see, he wasn't. However, he was a smart fellow and he told 001/7 to be there with a camera, so we could use it in our ME awareness campaign.
001/7 told me, when he showed me the video, it should be shaken, not stirred, and here you see why.
Thanks guys from the RAF and all 001/7's other friends, for helping us out.
Because with these sort of very expensive promotional commercials, the politicians have to sit up and take note. Just have a look yourself and see what you think.
I bet the next time you go for a swim, you will think about ME and ME. And that is what this commercial is all about. Watch and watch and be amazed.
Where would we be without 001/7 and all his friends???
