Wednesday, October 31, 2007

CAUSE OF ME FOUND, SO THEY SAY

LIFE with this suggestibility virus has become very interesting I must say.

Some even think that being able to write one BLOG a day, WHILE LYING IN BED, means you can do your work as a doctor in a busy GP surgery.

And I wish they were right.

If you read my BLOG you will notice I make mistakes.

Some are just plain silly, some I wouldn’t make if my brain was functioning at my usual level because then I could reread my BLOG properly and some I could filter out with the spelling control.

But the Blogger one doesn’t always wake up. Or on other occasions I just forget to use it.

But before you can see why going back to work is impossible at the moment; unfortunately that is, let’s have a look at what I can do at present.

I have to wait till the house is quiet, and go downstairs to get something to eat. But when I have managed to get down the stairs, which is even worse than going up, I have to lie down for an hour before I can sit at the table and eat.

Then I have to lie down again, and so every hour or so I get up, walk the few yards to the toilet and/or the kitchen, and then I need to rest again.

Depending on if I have to climb the stairs once or twice a day, the last will have me in the most amazing pains for days, I can also walk a few yards outside.

But all in all, I am lying down about 23 out of 24 hours. Maybe even more. And that seven days a week.

So there you have me, Mr Superglue.

So if I get up in the morning in my current state, and get ready to go to work, well, by the time I am downstairs, I need to lie down for an hour.

I still need my breakfast and then I need another hour before I can do something again.

If I would then go to work, I would not be able to get there, as I simply can’t sit long enough to get there.

Furthermore the traffic and the car etc are too noisy. And I don’t have enough strength and power to do it all.

And then there is the problem of actually walking from the car to my consulting room. Even sitting in a wheelchair would be impossible as I can’t sit.

Doing a consultation lying down is difficult, even more so, as I always have the laptop volume in the mute mode and a surgery is a noisy place.

Then there is the minute detail of seeing patients. Children might be boisterous etc. But it might also be someone with a back problem, and doing a hip examination or a straight leg test are impossible as the leg is too heavy.

Then I need to write a script, but we have this old fashioned printer, noisy as there is no tomorrow, which likes to eat the prescriptions instead of printing them and spitting them out.

But even a modern, new state of the art printer would not solve the problem of sitting, getting there etc.

I can’t walk away or so from the noise, and I can’t sit or stand long enough to take a history and examine a patient with whatever problem they present.

To be able to go back to work, my noise intolerance needs to be a lot less, and I need to be able to sit for more than five or ten minutes. It is that simple.

But apparently, all that it comes down to, they tell me, is my motivation.

Or I should say, a lack of it. Yeah right.

Would they say the same if someone with MS can’t walk or stand?? I know they used to…

Have I given up hope that one day, soon I hope, I can go back to work???

No absolutely not.

But now is just impossible. Just like driving a car, which I actually love as a petrol head. And I know there are many new and exiting cars out there which I would love to see for real.

But all I can do at present is remain optimistic and use my COOL BLOGGING THERAPY, and my GRADED LAUGHTER THERAPY, to keep my spirits up.

Together with help and support from others, and supporting emails and comments, as I can’t even do my own shopping etc.

Not to mention the fact what sort of impact it has on my loved ones.

Really nice this suggestibility virus.

But there is hope and help is looking very good indeed.

Double oo one seven, 001/7, our master of espionage, who works for ME-6 as you might know, has a friend in the basement of ME-6, who listens to the elusive name of E-414. Yeah, my first thoughts were of artificial colourings and so as well, but apparently he is the main ENGINEER at ME-6.

At the moment he is working on a remote control with an i-pod sort of thingy build in. Not to play music, but to make life easier for people like ME. You see, the idea of the device is to be able to shut people up.

Not in the licence to kill sort of way, but by just hitting the mute button almost all sound will disappear and everybody will be quiet. Amazing technology.

But E-414 has more interesting features in this remote which is still in the early stages of design, he has told ME.

The device can also work as a sort of time traveller, so travelling to and from work will take a few seconds, instead of half an hour, an hour or even more, depending on where you work. And so that will dramatically reduce the time I waste sitting, which is near impossible right now.

Furthermore E-414, is hard at work to make this device so good, that even CBT magic wands stop in mid air.

Better still, it will help to find the cause and hopefully a cure for ME, and many other diseases, as it can do all sorts of amazing stuff.

The micro chip he uses, is so small, as these technical blokes actually keep on developing new things as they don’t understand the adagio that we know it all, and so this new chippie, is almost invisible to the naked eye, and so the days of the submarine, yellow maybe, that will float through our bodies on its way to destroy evil cells, viruses and what have you, is getting nearer.

E-414 also informed ME why the GOBSART fellows don’t like the Internet.

E said, it is very simple. You see, they think a search engine is to search for lost property, and they are of the opinion that that is not the case with ME. And for once I was going to say they are right… but they aren’t.

You see, I have lost my health, so I would classify that as a lot more than lost property.

Apparently they don’t like GOOGLE, as they think we call them that, and that means bananas if you think about it.

The same applies to that new bloke on the block that listens to the name of TECHNORATI. A sort of technical appliance that can sing. Or was that Pavarotti who died mysteriously around the time TECHNORATI started to sing his songs??

The last one they don’t like is YAHOO.

In their simple minds, don’t you forget about ME, was a big hit, many years before this suggestibility virus found its way into my system.

Their idea is that we shout YAHOO after we have seen their CBT friends. The trouble is we don’t as, well you know why.

So now they don’t want to use Yahoo. Furthermore, broadband, and all that stuff doesn’t exist in NHS land, so how on earth are they going to download a file on a normal land line??

So really, there is no way they could have known about the Canadian and South Australian guidelines, let alone off Dr Stein and her great work.

But E-414 has also told me the following, very interesting story.

No, he hasn’t made that one up, a friend of him told him that story, when he was bedbound with ME, as all people who work at ME-6, know what ME means and entails, contrary to many so called experts who walk around as if it is HALLOWEEN EVERY DAY of the year, waving their CBT wands at anybody and everybody.

“One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died from septic shock.”

Oh and for all of you who believe in exercise phobia and suggestibility, going to work, and sticking to a schedule to run a marathon, is a heck of a lot easier than being Mr Superglue etc.

Before I shut up, I want to share a comment with you, that I received via email after yesterday’s BLOG, and just read it and you will see that this COOL BLOGGING THERAPY is so much better and more cost effective than silly magic wand therapy, it is unbelievable. So thanks for the following email.

“....the journal for pregnant red ants..... that has me in stitches....as does the pic -this graded laughter therapy works a treat....just when i needed it most.”

And as you can tell from this blog today, much appreciated, just when I needed it most as well.

Don't you forget about ME, or as Mr NICE would say:

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

LISTENING TO YOUR BODY 001/7, IS TOTALLY WRONG



Well, it was one of those days, you know those ME days, were you think you can do something, but your body tells you NO.

In the CBT world they would say, don’t listen to your body, you don’t know what you feel, and what you feel is wrong or not there or whatever other interesting ideas they have about ME.

However 001/7 is used to listening to his body. The secret service has told him so many times to do that, that it has become second nature to him.

On this day though, he had done too much. And he was knackered. The trouble was, he was too far from home to have a rest. So what to do???

He was rolling around in pain, couldn’t walk anymore and his brain was going into mental shutdown any minute, a sort of meltdown in your head, Chernobyl, but then a bit smaller.

So he had to think on his feet. The solution was actually quite simple and staring him in the face.

He was sneaking around in the CBT KINGDOM, and part of it is a hospital. Well they say it is anyway.

They can’t diagnose things there, but they have plenty of empty beds as people with ME don’t come near the place.

So double oo one seven, 001/7, our master blaster of espionage decided to take the first available one.

He still couldn’t sleep for hours due to these non existent pains, but at least he could lie down.

When he woke up, he was in the TOP DOG’s room with golden tabs, golden whatever you want, and a gigantic picture of the man himself.

Looking down on the world as that is his specialty.

However, he had clearly been going over his photo albums from the past, but he obviously had been in a hurry to write the next episode of the ME soap, for who knows what magazine this time.

Might be the Journal for Car mechanics, but it might also be the one for pregnant red ants, you never know with this TOP DOG.

However, the picture 001/7 found was absolutely amazing, as you can see for yourself, and it explained a lot.

The TOP DOG had tried to earn himself a BOB or two, and when that didn’t work out, he invented that useless talk therapy adventure, but managed to sell it for ELEVEN MILLION BOB to his beer drinking friends at the GOBSART Institute of Excellence.

And that all, because he failed this simple question in a TV show.

Just like he failed his maths, and his literacy. If only he had managed those in the past, what a great world it would have been.


Monday, October 29, 2007

MASTER OF ESPIONAGE 001/7 COME IN PLEASE


As it was Saturday when I started to write this one, double oo one seven, 001/7, our master blaster of espionage, has started his day with his usual Earl Grey.

And he has told ME, the advantage of ME, the so called primairy gains, are that he can now have his customary Earl Grey, shaken, not stirred that is, in the morning with breakfast.

And with a Vodka Martini that is very difficult indeed. He tried that once, when he had met a very very NICE lady indeed.

The trouble was, after a few Vodka Martini's before TEN in the morning, he wanted to kiss the TOP DOG and his DOGINA, instead of his lovely girl for the day.

And since then, they are trying to sue him for harassment.

You see, NO ONE with ME has ever tried to kiss them before.

As a matter of fact, no one wants to kiss them at all. And even CBT doesn't help.

And that is a very strange phenomenon for a CBT addict, who even uses it to fertilise his garden. To help his son with his Maths, as he himself failed this test, which he blames on the fact that CBT didn't exist in those days. Or if it did, his parents hated it.

And Mr Freud, you know the all knowing psycho boss, from every problem is caused by a sexual disfunction, fully agrees with his adagio, that the patients KNOW NOTHING, and the psycho whatevers, are master of the UNIVERSE.

And they are right, well at least in their own delusional minds. And of course in those of their lovely dovely friends at the GOBSART Institue of Excellence and at the ALLIED HEADQUARTERS of the NHS and number ten. Yes, that little council house in Downing Street.

You see, Mr Brown had other ideas than that Blue, Black or Blair chappie, whatever his name was. But these days Brown is the preferred color in the streets near the Thames.

And on one of those days, 001/7, on his way home, walked into this Brown chappie.

No other 007's insight, or Big Muscular blokes, not even delusionists who were plugging their CBT-ism, as if it was the latest song by the COLLUSIONISTS.

With the TOP DOG as their lead sanger, in an attempt to beat Paul McCartney and his Liverpool boys to the top of the chart.

Please don't tell the TOP DOG that this long hair styling statement has been outdated since MS was renamed into hysteria. Sorry, hysteria was renamed into MS.

That bloke with the BRAINFOG was calling ME names again, and I mix things up really badly if he does so. Silly ME.

I told you about this TOP SECRET 001/7 project, that is so amazing, that THE ONE CLICK group doesn't have to take NICE and his FRIENDS to COURT anymore.

The reason why they are doing that is so simple. A bit like the ME guidelines by the GOBSART boys. That is so simple, they actually managed to GET half a page right out of one hundred and thirty or so. An amazing achievement if you think about it.

It is a bit like ALL THOSE ARTICLES from the TOP DOG and his DOGINA. About one in every few thousand, has half a page of a few sensibles things. Like the date, and his own name and so.

REALLY CLEVER stuff if you have studied so long. Well, you have spend so much time away from mum and dad that is, in the case of the TOP DOG and his DOGINA. I am told that she, the DOGINA that is, is neither a psychiarist nor a psychologist, nor a neurologist nor anything else for that matter.

Really clever that she calls herself the wow factor at the KINGDOM.

Only if you are a DELUSIONIST, who suffers from a bad case of CBT-itis, which has been diagnosed by a COLLUSIONAL DOCTOR, can you become a professor in NOTHINGNESS.

Gobsmacking tastic. And we pay her a SHEDLOAD of money to keep this non existent knowledge up to date. As Mr Clarkson would say, you must be NUTS.

Interestingly enough, many GP's in the UK have now changed the name of NICE into NUTS. And no, it wasn't ME.

You see, they can't GET UTI's (Urinary Tract Infections in kids) right, they have problems with head injuries, breast cancer, ME, Alzheimer, or is that their own problem???

I wonder, do doctors think that is a PRESTIGIOUS DISEASE as well, just like a BRAIN TUMOR and leukaemia???

And if you think I have made this up, you are very wrong indeed. Just click on PRESTIGIOUS DISEASES a few lines up and you can read this NORWEGIAN study.

And don't think they are different in Norway, as there are many doctors who have NO IDEA what being ill entails.

And this was just illustrated by someone who has been telling ME that I should work out in the gym. Otherwise I will loose my stamina.

His own idea of working out for himself, is jumping in the car and buying a NEW shirt or so. But I should work out. He knows, he tells ME in the same sentence, that I used to run marathons etc, but NOW my running gene has been deleted or so by this SUGGESTIBILITY virus.

If I were you, I would update my virus scanner, you never know, might protect you.

Someone else told ME, I used to love running. And I must say, I still find that so cute and adorable. Yes, it is very hard to imagine that the running shoes, the white ones with the blue and green, or the white ones with the black stripes etc are actually mine.

But I would still love to go for a run, and run away from all this silliness.

The trouble is, I am lucky that I can at least walk to the toilet.

But you can manage a BLOG. Well yes, I can write one a day at present, if I am lucky, and that is ME for the day. No more power in my arms, clumsiness at dinner time etc. Or this one actually took me three days.

But still, this is really great, as last year I could not even look at a computer screen, let alone write a BLOG.

And that is why this double 00 one seven, 001/7, project is so gobsmashing tastic.

You see, finally we have found a way, and a medium to tell the world what ME is like. But in a very positive way. So we don't do it the CBT or TOP DOG's way.

Which was VERY DIFFICULT indeed, as there is absolutely NOTHING NICE at all about this suggestibility, in combination with exercise phobia, if you suffer from this malingering sort of diet.

Even more so if you tend to feign your problems, sorry you tend to feign that you don't want to work, that you prefer to be bedbound 24/7. And I must say, these DELUSIONISTS are absolutely right.

Who in his right frame of mind would want to have a normal life??

You must be NUTS.

You would miss out on all these holidays in bed, all those compliments and other nice conversations at work and with patients, all that running and swimming or whatever sports you like. All those great stuff you can buy, if you had some money that is.

Not to mention doing normal stuff with the family. Why on earth would you want a family and then do things with them?? You must be delusional if that is your idea of a great life. Or am I missing something here??? Just like those DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS????

Yeah, why would we want to be well, and shed our malingering, if we can have such a NICE life lying down 24/7????

But you are right, 001/7 is coming to our rescue, and he has found a few old friends in the service, who wanted to help out with some great publicity stunts. Really amazing stuff.

You see, this friend of 001/7, has been telling his bosses that his machnery is NOT WORKING WELL.

And as good bosses do, bit like doctors, they didn't believe him.

They just had a few lessions from the TOP DOG, who advises the MOD about anything from dogs and their whatever they do in the evenings to helicopters and war regions, you know the Ministry of Defence, so they decided this friend of 001/7 was NUTS.

But as you can see, he wasn't. However, he was a smart fellow and he told 001/7 to be there with a camera, so we could use it in our ME awareness campaign.

001/7 told me, when he showed me the video, it should be shaken, not stirred, and here you see why.

Thanks guys from the RAF and all 001/7's other friends, for helping us out.

Because with these sort of very expensive promotional commercials, the politicians have to sit up and take note. Just have a look yourself and see what you think.

I bet the next time you go for a swim, you will think about ME and ME. And that is what this commercial is all about. Watch and watch and be amazed.

Where would we be without 001/7 and all his friends???







Sunday, October 28, 2007

LATEST ME NEWS: GRADED LAUGHTER THERAPY WORKS VERY WELL



This is John Martin, bringing you breaking news live from London.

The story is simply sensational and has been confirmed by a number of impeccable sources.

This very morning I went to attend my first session of GLT (Graded Laughter Therapy) at a clinic in North West London.

The clinic was only built after Dr Speedy had secured a multi-million pound investment from the British government for his brand of CBT (Cool Blogging Therapy).

Dr Speedy had insisted his graded laughter therapy should only be administered by specially trained clowns and spent a small fortune ensuring all the clowns had state of the art digital magic wands.

As I struggled to find the clinic I met a lovely old neighbour of mine I had last seen almost 20 years when I was a student in London.

"Oh my goodness it's you John Martin" said Elsie, who must be over 80 now "you're looking well John" she added.

"It's fantastic to see you again Elsie" I said "but looks can be deceptive, I'm actually looking for the ME clinic."

A worried look came over Elsie’s face "I'm sorry to hear you've got ME" she said "but be careful John" she added "there's a dark side to those clowns. Those clowns are not to be trusted."

"Oh for goodness sake Elsie" I said "What can be less harmful than laughter? And anyway I completely trust Dr Speedy."

"All the trouble" said Elsie "started after Dr Speedy left his circus to go and live abroad. Speedy was a good man and well loved by all his patients. The circus was fine when Dr Speedy ran it.

Unfortunately after he left the clowns took over the circus. I'm 83 years old John so heed these words well, never trust a clown with a magic wand."

"So what happened Elsie?" I asked.

"Dr Speedy always had a rival," said Elsie "but he wasn't a real doctor at all. He was an evil little fella with three eyes.

He had two eyes in one his faces and only one eye in the other. He hated the fact that Dr Speedy was well loved by his patients and could make the world laugh.

As soon as Dr Speedy left the country he worked his way into the clinics and turned the clowns against the ME patients.

He sought his revenge on Dr Speedy by making his beloved patients exercise till they collapsed."

"How did he get away with it?" I asked.

"Two faced little fellas can be quite cunning" said Elsie "just ask any psychiatrist. What he did was just keep all the terms Dr Speedy used but perverted them to his own ends."

"What do you mean Elsie?" I asked.

"Well John you know Cool Blogging Therapy-CBT? Well the two faced little fella claims to use CBT as well. Except he doesn't.

He actually uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy."

"Don't be ridiculous Elsie" I said. I feared she may be suffering from dementia.

"Same with Graded Laughter Therapy" said Elsie "the little fella just added a couple of horizontal lines to the letter L to turn it into an E"

"What the hell is GET?" I asked.

"Graded Exercise Therapy" said Elsie, "I told you they'll have you on a bloody treadmill."

I could see there was a real sadness in Elsie's eyes as if something she really cared about had been lost. Something special.

"Are you ok Elsie?" I asked.

"John" she said "I was born in London. I live in London and I'll die in London.

It's the greatest city in the world. I lost 2 brothers in the Second World War fighting to stop the country I love being taken over by nut cases.

I've seen some terrible things in my life but I never thought I'd see the day the clowns would take over the circus."

I felt I had to quickly change the subject it was just too painful to see.

"How old will your grandson be now?" I asked. Suddenly her face lit up.

"David was 28 this year" she said "He's an artist and has just had a piece of his work put on display at the Tate Modern in London.

"You must be so proud" I said.

“I am John. Do you know what David said to me the other day? He said Tracey Emin is nothing compared to Jodi Bassett. You know, that Australian Hummingbird lady."

"She must be good," I said, ”I really like Tracey Emin."

"Apparently" said Elsie "Her work Why 'CFS' is a wastebasket diagnosis, is regarded as a modern classic."








Friday, October 26, 2007

DOCTORS WHO KNOW ME



I recently got a request for a doctor in London from someone else with ME. This person wanted a good GP/doctor, one who doesn’t GET an epileptic fit, when he hears the word ME.

As I live down under I just asked our London correspondent. He knows his way around the place and has the pleasure to live a lot closer to the DELUSIONISTS than ME. And here is what he answered ME.

“Sorry to hear you have ME and are looking for a Doctor in the London area. I am happy to be in a position to help as I live in London and also have ME.

I do not want to use my GP's real name in a public forum so I will just call him Dr Richard Small.
As the practise is very informal he prefers if we just call him Dick Small.

Anyway Pete, Dr Dick Small has just referred me to a special clinic in the area where some specially trained clowns with magic wands administer a very powerful, yet always completely safe treatment called GLT (Graded Laughter Therapy)

This treatment was pioneered by the legendary Dr Speedy who made so much money that he has gone to live abroad and leaves the day to day running of his circus in the hands of the clowns.

Dick Small has assured me that the clowns produce amazing results and that only six sessions may be enough to cure my ME.

I'm so excited by my referral Dr Speedy has agreed that I can tell the world about it through his worldwide broadcasting service.

I have some minor concern that the clowns seem to have taken over the running of the circus as I feel this would be better left to a professional ringmaster but I'm just pleased to get some help at last and will go with an open mind.

I've always felt Pete it's important to approach things with an open mind even if I can't seem to make sense of it at first.

So Pete just tell your own GP John Martin was referred to some clowns with magic wands by a Dr Dick Small and if it's good enough for John Martin then it's good enough for you
get well soon Pete,

John Martin, our London correspondent.”

I hope this was of help to anybody with the good fortune of getting ME, this special recipe of suggestibility, which is tastier with some spicey Green Eggs Tiramisu, a delicious Italian desert, even NICE'r with a some Cauliflower and Backed Tomatoes.

Yummy.

And that all for the same price after some treatment and a tour of the CBT KINGDOM.

Maybe, even maybe, you have the pleasure not only to see a DELUSIONIST, but maybe you can harass him, sorry, ask him a question.

Which qualifies as the same thing in their book of delusionism. The funny thing is, they are psycho babblers. So you would think that talking is on the menu.

And you are right. But only talking by THEM. It is that simple.

But not to worry, the ONE CLICK people are taken them to court. Well the GOBSART Institute of Excellence that is.

But in reality that is one of the same, so much of a muchness really, as we would say here down under.

And I must say, I really like these delusionists. I mean, suppose you become a doctor and then a psychiatrist, and somewhere on the way you speak the MAGIC HIPPOCRITIC words. I shall help people and CAUSE NO HARM.

So basically their GET therapy is HIPPOCRITIC from the words GO.

Bin it I would suggest, before someone takes them to court over it.

And I’m sure that will happen, no should happen at some stage, because these delusionists are making ME a heck of a lot worse.

So FUKUDA off DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS.

Off you go, chop chop, as Mr Frost, detective inspector Frost I believe that is, would say. And if it is good enough for him, it is good enough for ME.




Thursday, October 25, 2007

NEW SECRET RESEARCH FROM THE CBT KINGDOM


Lovely dovely, Mrs GOBSART and Mr CBT KINGDOM spotted together by our master of espionage, double oo one seven, 001/7, our Earlness himself.

Now we know why these so called ME guideline was derailed long before it was actually written.

At the same time, they are discussing a new and sensational piece of research by the KINGDOM. It is so TOP SECRET, that even 001/7 couldn’t GET HOLD of it. And that says something.

No really, if there is one man that can GET the job done it is him. Even with his suggestibility bug and his exercise phobia that is bugging his Earlness, six out of seven days in the week that is.

So as we all know, he has to lie down and not do much on six days out of seven.

In the DELUSIONAL WORLD of COLLUSIONISM, also know as CBT-itis, a highly contagious disease, spread by mouth or psychiatric articles, this is COMPLETELY normal.

If you would discuss that with your boss, and say look mate, I can only work one out of seven days, he thinks, GREAT. But in the KINGDOM their delusional minds start to work and say, ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. Sort PAVLOV reflex.

You mention ME, they say nothing wrong or they GET a malingering fit of laughter.

Now, we know they have failed their MATHS and LITERACY, but we also know that they must have failed their MEMBERSHIP EXAM for their own jobs.

Just think about it. One minute we are MALINGERING BASTARDS, who harass them like there is no tomorrow.

The next minute we have SUGGESTIBILITY, EXERCISE PHOBIA and the TOP DOG has rewritten the WHO ICD (International Classification of Diseases), but he has been VERY INCONSISTENT indeed.

He has reclassified a neurological disease as a psychiatric one. You might think, this is normal for a DELUSIONIST, and you are right.

You see, if we would be malingering, FEIGNING that is, we have NOTHING AT ALL. Not even a psychiatric illness. Let alone a neurological one. But he still classifies us as a mentally ill.

The next minute though he changes his mind and says we have nothing and he keeps doing that.

He doesn’t have BRAINFOG, he has a tombola for a brain.

Keeps on spinning and spinning and spinning. Must be horrible, this DELUSIONISM combined with the COLLUSIONISM in a TOMBOLA.

So you would think he knows what it is like to have a BRAIN WITH ME, but he doesn’t.

However, as I said, our very own 001/7 is very miserable indeed, even after taking this picture of Mr CBT KINGDOM in bed with Mrs GOBSART. Luckily, someone else has come to his, and our rescue.

It is not a 007, as far as I’m aware. His name is Janko Koolen from the Netherlands. You know, that country were they have their own CBT KINGDOM. They are trying just as hard to write as many silly articles and GET their names in the spotlight, the ME spotlight that is.

The thing is though, they think we have false illness beliefs. What they mean, sorry I’m not saying they are mean, I said, what they mean is, that we belief in the wrong religion.

We should think we can run a marathon, and I am just as healthy as I was when I did so. And obviously they are spot on right.

The only teeney weeney problem is, just like with the DELUSIONISTS in the UK, they have never seen a person with ME. But I agree, that is just a minor detail.

Aaah, I was saying, Janko send me, with some help from Dr Vinicius, you know, that lady doctor, who brought that psycho article to the BMJ and our attention, you know, from those other DUTCH psychiatrists who acknowledged that CBT doesn’t work for ME and that the BASIS of DELUSIONISM is the DENIAL of ME.

Which in normal talk means we are harassing them, when we question this delusion.

But what did Janko find?? Something utterly amazing. On his behalf I have apologised to Kermit and his friends, but this experiment brings you right to the epicentre of DELUSIONISM. Just read on in utter amazement.

This is just a paper experiment but it just tells you all you need to know about the CBT BLOKEYS and their beloved KINGDOM, and their inabilities to do maths, write two letter words, and diagnose a medical problem accurately.

A CBT blokey decided to examine how far frogs can jump. He caught a frog, put one on his desk and shouted "jump".

And the small beast jumped forward. The CBT blokey noted: "a frog with 4 legs jumps 5 meters far".

Then he removed one off the small legs and shouted "jump" again.

This time, the frog jumped and managed 3 meters.

The CBT blokey wrote down: "a frog with 3 legs jumps 3 meters far".

Then he took off another leg and called "jump" again.

The frog waited a moment, but eventually managed to jump despite his handicap. He still jumped 2 meters and again the CBT blokey recorded this.

Another leg was removed. And again the CBT blokey shouted jump.

This time the frog only managed to jump half a meter. The CBT blokey wrote in his research notes: "a frog with 1 leg jumps a half meter".

Then he took off the last leg and shouted "jump" again.

But then the frog did not move.












And the CBT blokey noted: "a frog without legs is deaf!".

Many thanks Janko for helping 001/7 out when his illness beliefs, the wrong ones that is, stood in his way of successful espionage.



Wednesday, October 24, 2007

CANADIANS AND COMMON SENSE


Some will kill for money, some will die for love but only one man has the strength to fight for ME. Who is the Spy who loved ME?

Even our correspondent from LONDON has started to talk funny. What is he on about??

On another note, a while ago I was asked the question, how much will it cost to redo the NICE ME guidelines.

Well, it is difficult to give an exact figure, but for ELEVEN million I could do a reasonable job.

No seriously, I could do it for probably ten grand. That is ten thousand pounds, maybe even for the same amount I’m paying our LONDON correspondent after the hardest and longest negotiation process in the history of mankind.

We offered him exactly zero AUSTRALIAN dollars, he asked for zero English Pounds. So we ended up on zero Canadian dollars, as we figured that Canada was somewhere in between the UK and Australia.

He was happy, I was happy, and my bank manager is happy too. The only trouble is the transaction costs of sending zero Canadian dollars, from an Australian account, to a British one.

Absolutely amazing how much the banks charge.

Today is the day, today it is time to GET down to business. And I got some friendly advice from Mr Clarkson .

You see, he went to Canada lately, and this is what he wrote to me from his holiday resort:

“Whenever there’s a global survey to find the best places in the world to live, Canada always does well.

We’re told that no one in Canada is ever robbed, butchered, stabbed, murdered or blown up by a doctor. And I don’t doubt that all of this is true.

They try to tell us that it’s a wilderness full of bears who’ll kill you if you run away or stand still – I can never remember which.

But do you know how many people in the whole of the vastness of Canada have been killed by bears in the past two years?

It’s one. Honestly, more people than that are killed in Britain by GET alone. Or is it robbed of their lives, I can never remember which. Really.”

So I said, thanks Mr Clarkson, and he added, if you just look at my face in the picture, you can see what the Canadians think of the NICE GUIDELINER. The thing is, it stinks.

So his advise, shred the so called ME guidelines, as he was getting a bit concerned with this whole NICE business.

You see, he was reading the paper on the way to Canada, what else are you supposed to do on a plane??

He asked if he could drive his HUMMER around this new AIRBUS, that is so big, that even on the toilet you can actually use it.

Even if you are over five foot that is.

In this interesting article he said, unfortunately, he had to use it to light a fire, to keep the bears away, so he couldn’t bring me a copy, it mentioned these GOBSART blokeys.

And the Canadians were laughing their heads off.

They had spend a lot of money to have the best of the best of the International ME specialists come up with a guideline, and it was COMPLETELY ignored by the GOBSART Institute of Excellence.

So they were even daft enough not to realise that the Canadians had actually paid for this, and that it WOULDN’T cost the GOBSART blokeys one pence, not ONE.

But our GOBSART BLOKEYS found that too expensive, how else can you explain that they didn’t use this state of the art guideline??

But to come back to this newspaper article, the GOBSART blokeys made a guideline about UTI’s (Urinary Tract Infection) in kids, and all the kidney specialists were angry, they were using similar words as the ME Association who called the ME guidelines NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE.

And then there was the Alzheimer one, first they recommended certain drugs, then they realised these were too expensive for Mother NHS, so being independent, they removed this recommendation.

Then they made a guideline about seriously ill children and how to recognise them, and even that one is no use according to A and E consultants.

And then there was one for kids with a head injury. Every kid with a head injury, that went to see a doctor, should have an MRI scan. Are they NUTS???

Everybody who has kids knows, they bump their heads almost daily, so should we just go to this MRI department after school??? Every day that is?? And then wait a year to be seen???

In what world do these Blokeys life??

When was the last time they actually saw a patient, or have they never seen one???

And then there was the breast cancer one. Apparently they recommended using a new drug, which is costing a shed load of money but they don’t tell the doctors which other service they have to bin to stay within their budgets.

And these are only six of their so called guidelines.

No wonder NO ONE READS THEM. Worse, no one uses them, apart from their DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONAL FRIENDS from the CBT KINGDOM.

When 001/7 was sneaking around this kingdom, as that is what he was trained to do, sneaking around that is, he found this most intriguing picture of the TOP DOG, who thought if he got a helmet and a bike, he would be the British Lance Armstrong.

You know, that American Bloke, who after beating testicular cancer, he didn’t GET a divorce though strangely enough, went on to win the TOUR the FRANCE not once or twice. No seven times in a row.

SEVEN times, so when the tour started in London this year, the TOP DOG thought, I can do better.

As we know he can’t diagnose ME, but if you look clearly, even looking like a professional cyclist, was too much for someone who failed his Maths and Literacy, but was still promoted to a professorship as no one knew what else to do with him.

The next time you watch the TOUR, please send a prayer to the powers that be, that our TOP DOG doesn’t turn up like this.

Because there is one thing using Doping in Sports, but this is quite something else.





Monday, October 22, 2007

EARL GREY PLEASE; SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED


I just opened my mail and I must say, I was a bit confused, well actually, very confused.

I always thought that these 00 guys would be operating undercover so that you and I had no idea what they were doing.

But if you look at this picture, I was very wrong. At least until BELINDA MESSENGER suddenly popped out of my laptop.

And I must say, I was still asleep, or dozing and trying to wake up that is.

Furthermore ME and the Mrs don’t go well together, I’m lazy, disgusting as you are with ME, an egoist as I have to escape NOISE, and don’t ask me what else she can come up with.

Interesting stuff. You would think she worked at the KINGDOM OF DELUSIONISTS.

So then to GET all this lovely attention from a young lady in interesting clothes was a bit of an eye opener.

No really, I can now understand why some people have a better RELATIONSHIP with their COMPUTER than with their partners.

Besides, when was the last time your PC had a headache???

So I asked BELINDA to run back to double 00 one seven, 001/7, and ask him what the hell he was on to.

Instead of being annoyed and embarrassed, he started to laugh and BELINDA liked his charm.

Even as Grey, Earl Grey, he apparently still gets his share of attention from the ladybirds.

I asked him about this picture with the cab, and he said, look, mister that is what is wrong with the ME community.

For once, only once, should you listen to the delusionists and take a leaf out of their book.

You see, they are very good at selling HOT STEAM FRIED BAKED AIR but at the same time call their opponents all sorts of names.

So what they do is simple. They go on the attack, put you on the defence and at the same time launch an amazing PR campaign.

Even a US presidential candidate doesn’t spend that much time, money and effort on such a campaign.

Worse, it is even paid for by the general public as all these DELUSIONISTS are actually paid for by the government, so that is you and ME.

So, the solution is very simple indeed.

We start to play their own game, and we are much better at it as we have passed our maths and literacy tests.

So if you look at this picture again, 001/7 said, you think it is ME, but obviously it isn’t. I’m no where near the place.

What kind of special agent would I be, if I advertised my whereabouts????

No, I’m advertising something else, something so amazing that you need to hold on to your chair, otherwise you will fall down.

Yes really. Even you, lying down 24/7 needs to hold onto something, ME for example, so we avoid ME meltdowns.

Because this is that hot, that special and that good. You better believe ME.

And with those words, BELINDA went off for her tea, and 001/7 went back to his business of espionage.

Leaving ME in tatters, what on earth was he talking about????

THE ME SOLUTION FOR DELUSIONAL COLLUSIONISTS

Hello there. I'm about to bring your attention to something so exciting, something that you unquestionably need to know. I'll hurry up and get straight to the point.

Sadly research shows that only 0.3 percent of all CBT BLOKEYS have passed their math test, and all of those were born before the last world war, and they were BIG and famous in the time that MS was still called hysteria, and AIDS was DARK ROOM FEVER.


What this means is that all CBT BLOKEYS CURRENTLY AROUND, are left totally dissatisfied. You may believe that you rock their world, but if the truth be told, you don't!


Do not worry though, they have invented this delusional idea about ME, and they love that particular dish in the KINGDOM so much, they have to write about it every single day of the week.


Even more, they want to be on TV, and tell the world about this tasty, fancible and fashionable yuppie-dish. With some GET, and some special spice called CBT, they can’t GET enough from this particular culinary master piece.


But don’t GET to upset, as we have something you will love. It's something very new, something incredibly fresh, and unbelievably dark and tasty.


And even the most cynical of you lot will have to agree with me that this is top of the range, best of the best, and for once in our lives we agree with the CBT BLOKEYS. Stunning stuff.


And all brought to you by the incredible, adorable Mr Clarkson.


You see, he was thinking and thinking, as instead of being able to treat the M25 in his Lamborghini Fastini, as if it was a very stretched version of the Indianapolis speedway.


For those of you who are petrol heads you might know that this speedway is in fact a two and a half mile oval. They GET in their cars, close their eyes for three hours or so and drive flat out, foot to the metal in the INDY 500.


Now, in the sixties, the UK wanted to beat the NOTHING BEATS CUBIC INCHES brigade and launched their own version of a super speedway. It was a hundred kilometres or miles long or so, they even organised bus tours for CBT BLOKEYS to see what this was all about.


But since, it is the greatest car park in Europe I have found out the few TIMES I was in your beloved CBT country.


However, the good news is, Mr Clarkson was sitting in a traffic jam from here to Tokyo and so he had plenty of time to think, and think and think. And we all know, he finds that utterly boring indeed. However, he did pass his math test and his literacy, and he had this incredible idea.


It wasn’t so long ago that our beloved TOP DOG called himself an expert on GULF WAR SYNDROME.


That is, he shouted as loud as he could, that this was another delusional disease and as he was THE medical advisor to the Ministry of Defence (MOD) they believed him. The trouble was, those fit and healthy soldiers, who came back as cripples, didn’t believe this delusional gobbledygook. So they took the MOD to COURT.


And they won.


Now our beloved friend says it DOES exist, and he is still the expert. Interesting proposition, but all his delusional friends, believe him.


Worse, he was invited to a conference organised by the military and he was the grand delusional speaker. Portraying himself as THE GULF WAR EXPERT amongst other things. But the good thing about a military conference is, no one is allowed to ask critical questions.


If the general says jump, you ask how high, and that is something our DOGGIE likes very much, because we would ask, why and what is the evidence. All silly harassment in the CBT KINGDOM.


While listening to a commercial to announce his delusional lectures, Mr Clarkson got this GRAND IDEA. From the master blaster of CBT-ism himself. And I must say, it all sounds very clever indeed.


You see, at first I thought, Mr Clarkson and a Kalashnikov, that spells danger in a BIG way. But it doesn’t.


You see, he was sitting in his Lambo, stuck in diesel pollution, and in his brain many pieces of the puzzle fell into place, due to this shortage of Oxygen.


(Just read the BMJ and you’ll see, that your heart trouble can get a lot worse from exercising in diesel fumes, surprise surprise, so don’t exercise in heavy traffic is their tip).






The Kalashnikov, CBT, GET, delusional collusionism, the GOBSART Institute of Excellence, the CBT KINGDOM, and our TOP DOG and his DOGINA. Even my Nationality featured in his brainfog.


You see, he came up with a few solutions to this delusionism. No, he doesn’t want to shoot anybody; he is a VERY PEACE loving man this Mr Clarkson.


First he thought, we need this bloke, and his delusional friends to just SHUT THE FUKUDA up.


Then his Oxygen deprived brain came up with the solution of the Century.


Well, actually, from a few ago. He wanted to send these delusionists to AUSTRALIA, as you Brits did with all your other prisoners. The trouble is, I live there, so I DISAGREED wholeheartedly with him. And you see, TOP DOG and your DOGINA, he actually listened to ME.


Most amazing phenomenon.


So then his brain, still stuck on this so called hyper speedway of modern technology, the delusionists recently had another bus tour to celebrate 45 years or so of modern science and they toured the M25, without traffic as this CBT is so grand, that all other cars disappeared as by a MAGICAL WAND, into oblivion.


Gobsmacking tastic stuff.


So Mr Clarkson asked his brain, which was struggling like crazy to GET some Oxygen, a bit like someone with ME during GET and CBT sessions, we can’t shoot the bastards, we can’t send them to Australia, so what on earth are we supposed to do with these delusionists???


At this moment in time, double 00 one seven, 001/7, you know, our 007 with ME, walked into my room, well, he messengered into the room actually. This is a service from an internet bloke.


He uses BELINDA MESSENGER, who runs from Mr Clarkson to my humble place and back, and she only wears a very provocative outfit, so you can understand why this service is so popular.


001/7 made a mistake though, a big one, as his brain wasn’t functioning as happens a lot with this ME business, and he was rumbling about one of his secret operations. And that is when lightning struck.


Most amazing stuff, Mr Clarkson who finally managed to GET back to his house, was worried that BELINDA would stop, but she didn’t. In fact, she liked this idea very, very much herself.


You see, what these delusionists are doing is selling talk therapy for a neurological illness. So BELINDA and Mr Clarkson thought this was ludicrous.


You should use talk therapy for people who have problems with talking to and with each other. It is that simple.


And the light started to come on, the traffic jam on the M 25 disappeared without a trace, and England was celebrating as if they won a major championship in CBT-ism. A very difficult sport, only available if you failed your maths and your literacy as well. And then you need to be able to fool people so much, that they are so desperate that they make you a professor.


Worse, you need to con them out of ELEVEN MILLION bob.


Now, where on this planet have they got a major problem with talking and listening and it would fit the description of the expertise that the TOP DOG says he has?????


Easy peasy lemon squeezy. That is the MIDDLE EAST and its volatile combustible concoction of religions.


So, BELINDA and Mr CLARKSON suggested, to send the GULF WAR, so called expert, to this region to bring peace upon this beautiful planet.


The only trouble is, our TOP DOG has no CLUE where this REGION is.


But not to worry, the US has send in their new, and gob smashing tastic V22, that is a sort of plane, a bit like a HARRIER, so it can land like a copper, fly like a plane, (see top photo) and it is a lot bigger than a HARRIER so it can actually carry troops. Yes, even troops of delusionists.


Oh, and if he doesn’t want to, or if his mission fails, Mr Clarkson said he has the FINAL SOLUTION to delusionism. Delusional Collusionism that is.


Now how many sessions do you think this TOP DOG needs in the GULF region????


Give him a week and we know if he can handle the job, if he is not too scared to go and if he can deliver the goods as he says he can.


To be continued.



Saturday, October 20, 2007

LIVE FROM LONDON: GHOSTS AND MAGIC WANDS


Our correspondent, LONDON correspondent that is, has been very busy lately, but I’m proudly presenting his next LETTER from LONDON.

Dear Doctor Speedy,

Following on from my last letter, here's what happened next.

No sooner had I said "Ok then, send in the clowns" when my GP says "Now then Mr Martin do you have any questions before I refer you to see the clowns with the magic wands?"

"Well funnily enough I do doctor. What do you mean when you say it's only available through the Church of England?"

"Oh that's easy to explain" said my GP. "In England we have three churches. The oldest church is the Roman Catholic Church who trace themselves all the way back to a chap from Bethlehem who was rather good at woodwork."

"Then we have the established Church of England who trace themselves all the way back to a fat bloke with a beard."

"Then we have the Church of CBT who trace themselves all the way back to a bloke who drank 56 bottles of Becks in one evening then wrote a psychological theory about how he felt"

"You must be joking doctor" I said "That beer is lethal; I can hardly remember my address after two bottles of it let alone 56"

He didn't look too pleased at my comment but was soon pleased to answer when I asked him how God fitted into all three churches.

"It's very simple" he said "each of the three churches believe in God, it's just they have a different relationship with him" "What do you mean" I asked intrigued.

"Well the Catholic church took a vote 2000 years ago and decided to believe in God and to never put it to the vote again"

"The established Church of England are a bit more liberal, they have a vote every year on whether to believe in God and each year the motion passes by 51% to 49% so in many ways they are quite religious really."

"The Church of CBT also believe in God it's just they don't think he's as powerful as they are. Apparently God is liable to negative thinking which is holding him back at work."

"Are you trying to make me laugh doctor" I asked

"No Mr Martin" he said "that is not my job. That task falls to the specially trained clowns with the magic wands who administer CBT"

"Can I just clarify something doctor" I asked "Why is the Church of CBT sometimes just called the Church of England by you. It would be easy to get confused."

"Lets not get bogged down in what we call things Mr Martin" he said "the main thing is you think you have ME and the clowns with the magic wands will make you better, probably in 6 sessions."

Now Doctor Speedy I don't understand what he meant by this next question so maybe you or some of your patients could help me. "Do you believe in ghosts Mr Martin," he asked.

"What sort of question is that doctor?" I replied shocked "Of course I don't. I am a rational man who believes in science."

"That's good Mr Martin" he said " "It's just that some people who live near the Church of CBT claim the church is haunted by the spirit of Sophia Mirza and Alison Hunter"

"I've never heard of either of them" I said.

"That's good Mr Martin" he replied "I'll write to the clowns immediately."

I'll write again soon Dr Speedy and let you know how session 1 goes,
your grateful patient,
John Martin

To talk about two of the many, who died from this suggestibility, sounds really harsh. At least that was my first reply.

If you think about all their suffering however, all because of these delusional collusionists who make sure that NO MONEY is spend on finding a cure or proper help and who are so bound up about satisfying themselves, and earning a shed load of money in the mean time, that it becomes clear very quickly, that they have forgotten the HIPPOCRATIC OATH, to the detriment of many patients.

And then you see that they are responsible for all our misery, well most of it. And they keep on doing it even though they have NO CLUE AT ALL what ME really is. You can even see that in one of their articles about ME.

In that one they have realised that they are the worst at diagnosing ME so they have asked the patients instead. They call it something like selfreporting of ME.

This would be a reasonable article if they then would VERIFY if these people actually had ME. This however is a contradictio impossibilo, as they don't even know how to spell a two letter word, let alone know what it entails.

That in a nutshell is delusional collusionism by the CBT KINGDOM.

So they have failed not only their MATH TEST, but also their LITERACY. NICE BUNCH OF DELUSIONISTS.

And if you think about that, than things suddenly sound very different indeed.

Even more so if you read the following comment from another TOP CBT BLOKEY,
Who said not to take ME too seriously; as you only died of suicide if you had ME, so what was the BIG fuss all about????

Friday, October 19, 2007

TOP SECRET PROJECT AT ME-6 HAS JUST STARTED



Most people will know what this is. This is a wing mirror on a very fast car indeed. And our James, in his young days as 007, was a very fast bloke himself.

He had a great liking for fast and furious things on two and four wheels and he was always on the go.

But since contracting this suggestibility, he has lost his speed, and many other things have gone down the ME drain as well.

He had to find new interests, and he has managed with some difficulty, but he is still not so keen on the World Championships in KNITTING he has told me once in a melancholic mood.

So instead he has taken up advertising. Even advertising on a small wing mirror on an F1 car will cost you a few million. So our TOP DOG would have to talk a lot to earn that.

Or he could write the same article a million times, or even easier, he speaks to Mr NICE, offers his GOBSART friends a beer, maybe even two, and he has earned ELEVEN MILLION BOB in an hour or so.

Now you could ask, where on earth can double 00 one seven, 001/7, come up with so much money???

Well, he has thought about doing the ITV trick also called the CBT trick. The basics are simple, you use some delusional ideas and you con people out of their money.

Our delusional friends can even learn a trick or two from ITV, as these guys managed to get EIGHTTEEN million, just by letting people phone a phoney number.

But seriously, 001/7, has found a sponsor for a fantastic new project. Still top secret so I can't say too much about it yet, but it is gobsmackingly fantastic.
And so he needed some great space to advertise. Looks cool, don't you think??? But it will even be better once you know what it is.

I can't wait to tell you, but for the moment my lips are sealed. Otherwise my life is not only in danger from GET and CBT delusionists but also from my own man, double 00 one seven, 001/7.

Thanks to Ferrari and their F1 team he got a discount and a prime spot. And he has got his project up and running. Well others do the running, he just does the advertising.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

GOOD DAY MATES



Yesterday I had one of those typical ME days. I knew there were things I forgot, but I couldn't think of what it was. The funny thing is, I tried to copy the headers of a few BLOGS but the only one I could save, is this one above, and it is just one of the BLOGS I wanted to mention but didn't. It is called: lombredemonombre.

I mentioned them, just for Mr NICE and his delusional friends, so they can stay at home, or in the GOBSART (Good Old Boys Sitting Around a Table) aquarium, and from the comfort of their lazy chairs, with the company of delusional friends, and a glass of OLD WINE in NEW GLASSES, see what life with ME is really like.

If you know other ME BLOGGERS, let ME know, and when I have the time etc I will mention them. I won't mention ME agenda , a HUMMINGBIRD ME GUIDE,
ME Free For All, trying to put all the pieces together and all those other great sites, when I talk about BLOGGERS with ME. Because everybody who knows anything about ME knows them anyway.

I didn't EVEN mention SIMON’S BLOG . Don't ask me why, sometimes I am just a typical bloke, no logic in my ways of thinking. NOW, don't you dare agree with ME, understood????

Anyway, a lot of us are having lots of extra trouble, on top of ME due to delusional psycho BLOKEYS. I got a few questions about CBT-itis. Well, in medical talk, itis means something like inflammation. So ARTHRITIS means inflammation of your joints, or tendinitis inflammation of a tendon.

We all know a tennis elbow, which is a tendinitis, can even happen if you have never payed the game of FEDERER. You can even GET it from KNITTING. But I don't know if Mr FEDERER is good at that as well.

CBT-itis though, is a HIGHLY contagious, flammable condition. The best advise is to stay away from those people. The problem is, it is a very controversial disease. We know it does exist, the trouble is, it only affects delusionists with abnormal ILLNESS BELIEFS.

The Insurance companies don't like these guys with CBT-itis either, because not only are they their medical advisers who have declared themselves ILL beyond any reasonable doubt.

But they have also started to BLOW, not MARIJUANA by the way, but so much HOT BAKED STEAM FRIED AIR into the atmosphere, that even in TOKYO and TEHERAN, people get mental breakdowns, when they inhale this highly explosive concoction.

So, you are warned, stay away from CBT-itis.

Now many scientists have been thinking about a cure, sorry, they have said it is not important to find a cure. You see, that is the trouble with a keyboard on my laptop with a thinking head, irritating as hell.

It is the same when I want to write something NICE about the GOBSART guidelines, my keyboard changes anything I type in automatically to ABYSMAL.

Even when I want to write that they managed to GET half a page or so right, out of one hundred and thirty or so, my keyboard changes that, sort of auto correction Mr LAPTOP has told me, to ABYSMAL.

Now and again it has a food mood, a good mood that is, so for example, when the TOP DOG is on holiday in far away land, my LAPTOP cheers up and even says hello when I enter the room.

Whereas usually people think that because I lie on the couch or in bed, that I haven't got a brain anymore. I know it doesn't work like it used to, but even I can answer simple questions like how are you today.

But apparently, that CBT-itis is such a nasty, chemical composure that it spreads via the Internet like a virus or so, or a TROJAN horse, whatever. But, I will deny as long as I live, that we should invest money, or investigate this horrible delusional disease.

Waste of money, stupid idea, why on earth would I want a sane, healthy psychiatrist roaming around LONDON???

I have been thinking long and hard about this one, and even though I actually know some NICE and pleasant psychiatrists, I can't seem to come up with an answer why on earth we should help these delusionists.

If you have the good fortune to go and see a psycho babbler, just ask him if eighty pounds is more than ELEVEN million, if he knows the answer, you might have found a good one, so hold on to him or her.

Otherwise, GOOD DAY MATES. Feels good though to write that down, because I know you have been waiting for me to do so. So, GOOD DAY MATES.

ME COMMENTS ONE CLICK AWAY


HARMLESS COMMENTS, sorry BULLETS


Just a NICE comment I have to share with you:

Sorry Dr Speedy,

I don't get the joke. I am a CBT expert.
We all know bullets are basically harmless.
Getting shot in the leg is harmless. It only becomes damaging if you have an abnormal bullet belief.

It's just like ME. Viruses are harmless.
Like Ebola, HIV, Hepatitis and Rabies. You only feel unwell if you worry about them,

Dr Trudy Oslo

NO IDEA WHAT ME IS????




Today is times day. Or should I say; today is the day that I will share a few pictures with you, how first of all the TIMES sees ME. As I said before, this is an adorable, misinformed paper. But it is only a newspaper.

The same however can NOT be said about the CDC, the American Centre for Disease Control. For years they have spend ME research money on other things.

And if you read the article in the NEW YORK TIMES, they have finally acknowledged that after a documentary that won some Film Awards, I Remember ME, discussed that.

They say: "who helped expose the centers’ misuse of chronic fatigue financing."

But just look at these two pictures of people, from the CDC site, who supposedly are having ME.

And again it is striking to see that the CDC, just like Mr NICE and our beloved DELUSIONAL CBT friends, have never seen someone with ME.

And they have no intention to change that, or do something for ME.

To help them out, I have put a few links in this BLOG to some other BLOGGERS with ME.

FOR EXAMPLE:

  1. VELO-GUBBED-LEGS
  2. BLUE COFFEE MUG
  3. A WORLD BETWEEN TABLES .

When I have time, I will put them in a blogroll, but either I don’t have energy, or I GET a lot of NICENESS to hear from people around ME, so I don’t have energy or time to do just that.

Some interesting NICENESS:

I’m not motivated to get better, otherwise I would have been better a long time ago.

I’m lazy, even though I never was. Again, a nasty BUG must have caused this, make sure you don’t GET it.

I terrorise the whole family if I’m downstairs and ask them to close the kitchen door, as I can’t stand noise. If I go upstairs, I'm not interested in anybody else.

If I read my book, I am selfish as I should do the garden.

If I wanted to walk I would be able to do so.
Blah Blah Blah.

Oh, the best one is, when I said, be glad you don’t have this disease to my partner, and she said, I would never be so lazy.

AFME has done a survey and I think about 50% of Blokes with ME will have their marriage/relationship break up over ME.

Interestingly enough, if you get cancer, there are two forms of cancer that will cause a break up of your relationship, according to a recent Norwegian study.

The first is cervical cancer, Gods knows why, because you can’t even see the thing.

The second one is testicular cancer, so apparently we are less of a man with one instead of two balls.

The question then arrises, how many balls do our beloved friends have??

Let me add a few of the recent quotes form this TOP DOG:

“Collusion and Self-Interest.”

Here he is talking about his collusion with his friends at the GOBSART INSTITUTE OF Excellence, before they paid him ELEVEN MILLION POUNDS only for blowing HOT AIR into people's faces.

His “research interests are in the grey areas between medicine and psychiatry,” again, that is the area of self interest, the more money you have and take away form proper research, the more interest you GET from the bank.

“Collusion" some might and do say, but it can promote rehabilitative or psychological treatments which if taken head on, would only have led to offence.”

So if you call him a liar, he will send his sollicitor after you and start moaning about harassment, call him a TOP DOG, and he has no foot to stand on, the delusional collusionist.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

CBT FOR ME DOESN'T WORK



Hello, gorgeous how are you? I am going to tell you about something so wonderful, something that you really need to learn about. I will be quick and get straight to the point.

My name is Bond, James Bond, and that would be enough in the old days for 007 to have a NICE romantic evening, with any girl he wanted. Well, he told me, things have completely changed.

Since he fell ill with ME, and changed to double oo one seven, 001/7, his whole world has come tumbling down.

He used to love Vodka Martini’s, shaken, not stirred that is. But since this ME stuff got into his system, he has RAM or ROM, or whatever sort of system errors all the time.

The first time he had his Vodka Martini, since falling ill that is, he felt stirred, not shaken himself, and that had never happened before.

It was only after reading a Hummingbirdsguide, that he found out that people with ME might be oversensitive to alcohol.

So since, he orders something else. And he assures me, if he stands at the bar, and asks for an Earl Grey, shaken, not stirred, people think he has gone bananas.

First he tried a Vodka Martini, without Vodka and Martini, but that was .... so silly and empty.

He has persevered though, as that is the only remedy for ME, and people now call him Earl Grey, or his Earlness.

He has tried to seduce girls by saying, my name is Grey, Earl Grey, but somehow that doesn’t work like, Bond, James Bond used to.

However, double oo one seven, 001/7, isn’t one to become depressed, or delusional, as has happened to our beloved friends.

Instead, he has been prowling around, and also in, the CBT KINGDOM, to see what else he could find, as he is still very impressed with their OLD WINE trick.

And his few remaining friends, like the old wine very much, when double oo one seven, 001/7 enjoys his Earl Grey.

Shaken, not stirred that is. Please remember, that, otherwise he can get quite iffy.

If you call him though at ME-6, and double oo one seven, 001/7, answers the telephone, there is only one way of knowing it is him.

Just ask his name.

If he replies with my name is Grey, Earl Grey, you know it is him.

If however he says my name is Bond, James Bond, then run as hard as you can, as that might be a trick from our beloved friends, to find their enemies.

And as you know, they don’t take any prisoners.

Well they do, they lock them up and sentence them, to twelve to sixteen sessions of CBT, with GET as a bonus, given to you by psychologists and nurses, with three hours of CBT training, via distance learning, and by physio’s, who don’t know what ME is.

But as we all know, that is a requirement to work at the CBT KINGDOM.

The physio’s though, have also forgotten the basics of training a completely and utterly healthy human being.

When I was still up and running, I would train three to four times a week, but if I had done a busy on-call the night before, I would not train, or just a tiney weeney bit.

That is called listening to your body, and that is wrong, totally wrong, according to our delusional friends.

They also favour the adagio, increase your training on a weekly base, by as much as they think you should. Increases of 30% are nothing unusual.

A proper athlete, who for example reads Runnersworld, a brilliant running magazine, will KNOW, that a max of 10% is the international standard for completely HEALTHY individuals, to improve your stamina and reduce the risks of getting injured.

Just a simple principal, which has worked miracles for me, and many others, over the years, when I could still run, and before I picked up this exercise PHOBIA. Nasty bug, I can tell you.

Now, our double oo one seven, 001/7, has been in and out of the KINGDOM so often, that he knows his way around with his eyes closed, and he has discovered the most amazing things.

You know about the OLD WINE , but he has now discovered a VIDEO, about CBT and GET (Graded Exercise Therapy), that the KINGDOM DOESN’T want us to see, as it clearly and unequivocally shows, that these so called evidence based therapies for ME, are nothing more than BOILED and BACKED, STEAM FRIED, HOT AIR.

Delicious if you suffer from delusional CBT-itis, a very contagious disease which tends to affect psychiatrists, who failed their math tests, and have a complete shut down off their brains, as soon as they see or hear the word ME.


Now, if you watch this video, see how long it takes before you start to laugh.

Because yes, even CBT and GET therapy can be REALLY FUNNY. Just have a look.

Amazing what a bit of good old spying can do for us. Thanks double oo one seven, 001/7, MUCH APPRECIATED.

Oh, and just listens to the CBT TOP DOG instructing his patients, amazing what you can come up with after many years of Med School and Running a delusional department.










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